When Land Meets Sky
by AlphaOmegaPsi
Summary: Riku is in love with Sora, but Sora has a girlfriend. Will he ever win his brownhaired beauty? AU, Soriku, Sokai, Rikux?, prequel to Attempted Suicide
1. Ordinary Crush

AN: Well, for any of those who are still sticking with me, I'm sure you'll be overjoyed that I've done this. However, I sincerely doubt there are very many anymore. -Sad- I know I haven't written anything lately, but oh god please don't abandon me!!!!! -Cries-

Anyway...this is the long-awaited prequel to Attempted Suicide, and I hope those who are still watching are happy because I worked on this pretty hard. Poor Riku won't get Sora for a while, at least a few chapters, but I have big big plans for the preceding ones so it won't get boring I promise. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I were to own a video game, it would probably be Final Fantasy VII

* * *

He's beautiful. God, he's beautiful. I'll bet he doesn't know I watch him from across the classroom. I watch the way he bites his lip while thinking; the way his pink tongue sneaks out to wet his slightly chapped lips that I so desperately want to claim as my own; his blue eyes that seem to sparkle with their own light when he was happy; the way his back rose and fell steadily when he dozed while the teacher wasn't looking…perfection.

I know he would never look at me and think these things. No, the only one he loves is _her; _Kairi.

I don't hate her; I could never hate her, we've been friends for a long time, though not nearly as long as Sora and I. But I can't deny that I resent her.

I see the way he looks at her. I wish that he would look at me like that, smile for me, kiss me…love me.

* * *

When I left school heading for home, I had to walk alone. Sora wanted to walk Kairi home, and I foolishly said it was okay.

Sora said his brother, Roxas, would be walking alone too, and if I wanted some company we could walk together. I really didn't want to. He was such a recluse, the complete opposite of his brother who always seemed excited. Roxas spent all his time in his room, hiding away from the world. I'd barely said two words to the guy and personally didn't want to since I was afraid of what would come out.

When I got home, I settled in front of the TV without doing my homework first. I knew my parents or my older sister Larxene would probably get on my case for it, but I was in a mood and craving some brain-destroying electro waves.

Speaking of Larxene, the opening then prompt closing of the front door, as always harder than necessary, alerted me to the fact that she had been out and just came back. It was strange for her to go out very often. She was a sophomore in Computer College and usually took care of the house while everyone else was gone.

The top of her blonde head peeked into the room, strange antenna-spike bouncing on her skull. Her mischievous blue eyes just barely looked out over the door frame.

"Hey, Ri!" she said brightly. "You're home a little early." I shrugged and turned back to the TV. Larxene came in and sat down next to me.

"Something wrong, little brother?" I sighed.

"No…" I shook my head. "Yes…I don't know!" Larxene nodded understandingly.

"Is it a Sora issue?" I nodded and she pulled me into a one-armed hug. Larxene was the only one I'd ever told about my feelings for Sora. She was a good older sister, the kind it was easy to become best friends with. I knew she would never judge me. My parents, on the other hand…well, it's just better they stay oblivious. I'm in no mood to get kicked out today or any other day.

"Tell me what happened," Larxene said, rubbing my arm comfortingly. I sighed.

"There's nothing much to tell. It's just my jealousy getting to me. The long and short of it is that he walked her home instead of walking with me." I laid my head on her shoulder. "There's a good chance he'll spend all night there and won't come over later."

"Did you ask him to?"

I fell silent. That wasn't really the point, was it? Before Kairi, even before I realized what I felt for him, we would spend so much time together. Best Friends, if you believed in such a thing.

I felt a pang of nostalgia, remembering suddenly a time when Sora and I had been skateboarding when we were maybe 14 years old. He fell and badly skinned his knee. He tried not to cry, but I saw them roll down his face when he thought I wasn't looking as I helped him home. It was at that time, I think, that I started looking at him differently. Before I could do anything, I had fallen in love with him.

"No…" I finally answer. "I didn't. Not really." I sigh. "But I miss it, you know? Hanging out so often. We used to be inseparable, remember?" Larxene nodded, smiling.

"I also remember I used to have to keep you two out of my stuff constantly. The dynamic duo, without a doubt." The smile fell from her face and she looked at me seriously. "You know that someday you'll have to tell him, right? You can't hide this forever."

I knew this. I knew this far more than she did. There would come a day where I just wouldn't be able to handle it inside anymore and it would burst out, like a balloon with too much air in it.

* * *

After a quick dinner of lasagna and a half-assed attempt at my still unfinished homework, I crawled into bed early. My mom came in and asked if I was sick, and I told her I was just tired. She seemed to accept this and left me in the dark.

I put my arms around a pillow and pulled it close to me. More than once, I'd pretended this pillow was Sora. I'd pretended Sora was sleeping next to me like the angel he surely is, and I would pretend to watch him fondly.

Almost without thinking, I brushed my lips over the cloth fabric of the pillow, pretending it was Sora's soft, warm lips instead. I would rub my hands up and down it, pretending I could feel skin in its place. In my mind, I could feel a pulse quicken, breathing speed up and fall hotly on my throat; hands grasping at me, wanted me to go on.

Keeping my eyes firmly closed to keep the image locked, I slid my hand down my pants and caressed myself, pretending that it was Sora's hand instead. I pulled my hand away with whimpers of protest, as if my illusion really was true.

I could see Sora shimmying out of his pajama pants. Strangely, his shirt was already gone. He looked over his shoulder at me, eyes full of lust and need, drawing me in with reckless abandon.

I gripped his pale hips and plunged into the opening he so willingly offered me. His cries, I noticed, held no trace of pain even though I had not prepared him properly beforehand.

I couldn't think with him surrouding me like this, but somehow I found the presence of mind to move, feeling heat pool in my groin with every cry that fell from his lips. I wished I could see his face and suddenly regretted the choice of position. But there was no time to change it, since I could feel the familiar rush of oncoming pleasure coursing through me.

Orgasm shocked me out of the doze I had fallen into. A crushing depression fell over me as my mind realized Sora was in his own home next door. And I was alone in my bed, lying in a puddle of my own cum.

I got up and padded to my bathroom, quickly shedding my pajama pants and boxers and sticking them in the laundry hamper. I washed the semen off my stomach wit ha washcloth and picked another pair of boxers to sleep in. I'd never been able to sleep without washing that off. It's just too uncomfortable.

When I settled back into bed, I again pulled the pillow to me. I still pretended it was Sora, but this time he was just sleeping. I breathed into it deeply, pretending I could smell his unique scent, which I always thought smelled vaguely of coconut mixed with alcohol.

A light flicking on next door made me sit up. It was the light in Sora's room. He was just getting home? His curtains weren't closed so I could watch him as he undressed. Creamy skin was exposed to my eyes, while I unconsciously licked my lips, wishing I could taste it. Vaguely, I felt my hand creeping toward my boxers again, but I stopped and defiantly rolled over, clutching the pillow.

A wave of sadness washed over me as I realized he had indeed been at Kairi's all night, doing who knows what. I buried my face into the Sora-pillow and allowed myself to cry, long after I felt the darkness of sleep take me into its sweet embrace.


	2. Lumps and Bruises

AN: So, Merry Christmas to all! Of course, that's if you celebrate such a holiday. If not, Happy (Insert Holiday Here) to ya. Thanks to the 6 people who left me lovely reviews!

Immortal Fisheh

Faye Silo

dark and light heart

Tsuzuki Misaki

Tomiko90

Kev the She-Wolf

You made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, keep em coming. I don't think I need to say that not reaching the review quota will result in me withholding the next chapter for an extended amount of time. -Evil grin- So send some love my way and don't be stingy, kay?

Disclaimer: Owning things is for squares. Rectangles wish they could own things and are therefore cooler. ;)

* * *

I saw Sora the next day in the gardens by the school; hand clasped tightly in Kairi's red hair, kissing her. His other hand rested on her hip, in a way that was just shy of indecent. I grimaced inwardly. What a sickly sweet display of affection. 

I debated pretending I hadn't seen them, just going into the building and waiting for my miserable day to start, but my feet apparently had other plans. I found myself walking towards my two best friends and before I could gather the presence of mind to stop they had spotted me and waved.

I sighed and slapped a fake grin on my face, jogging the rest of the way towards the bench they were sitting on.

"Hey there, lovebirds," I said brightly, still grinning. "Isn't it a little early to be making out in public?" Sora just grinned in a way that said _You know you're jealous. _Kairi at least had the decency to blush, and if she wasn't actually embarrassed she sure looked it.

My grin faded to a simple smile, one not quite so fake. Absent-mindedly, I ruffled Sora's chocolate spikes and snorted when they kept their shape. I often wondered what exactly he used in his hair to keep it like that. I made a mental note to ask him that, just as a strange thought flashed unbidden into my mind: _I wonder if it would stay like that during sex?_

I felt my face flush and cleared my throat, intent on moving away from that subject.

"So, got any big plans for this weekend?" I didn't need to ask, I knew the answer to that. Kairi and Sora always went on a date every Friday. They were known to occasionally switch it to Saturday if one or the other had too much homework, but regardless they hadn't failed to miss a day.

"We're going to the movies tonight," Kairi said happily, smiling dazzlingly. My attention was drawn to her almost-too-white teeth and still-flushed face. When it came to her and Sora, she was always excited. Not that it was any of my business, which it most certainly wasn't, but I don't think I'd be able to put up with someone as clingy as she was. Not that being clingy was a bad thing, some guys like that in a girl I guess; it's just that I would hate that. I'm the kind of guy who goes for someone who can be my friend and not all lovey-dovey all the time. Maybe that was the reason I loved Sora so much.

"What movie?" I asked, feigning interest. While Kairi went on about some sappy love-story or whatever it was she was talking about, I took the opportunity to watch Sora out of the corner of my eye. He was nodding along, smiling a bit, but he looked as bored as I felt. A smirk crept onto my face as I realized he probably hadn't been the one to choose the movie. I've known Sora for forever, and I know that if he enjoys a movie he gets into the explanation with an expression nearly identical to the one Kairi was wearing right now.

The first bell rang at the school, alerting us that we had about 5 minutes to get to class. We all turned as one, staring at the school as if we'd never seen one before, as streams of people passed us. I was the first one to laugh, breaking the spell that had gripped our minds.

"Let's go," I chuckled, taking a few steps toward the building and stopping to wait for my friends. They stood up from the bench, laughing at their reactions to the wonderment that is school and clasped each other's hands firmly as they walked. Staring, I found I couldn't tell which one was Kairi's hand and which one was Sora's.

An irrational surge of jealousy made itself known, but I ignored it as I walked beside them towards the doors of the looming building. I had no right to be jealous, boyfriends and girlfriends held each other's hands all the time.

Still, the fact remained that just the sight of it made my chest ache.

* * *

Sora and I had Study Hall together 1st period, which was useful since both of us liked to slack off on our homework. Today, I had a lot to work on since I had been too distracted to do much last night. 

Surprisingly, Sora had nothing to do, which made me wonder when exactly he had found time to do it around groping Kairi all night. Shuddering at that mental image, I watched him as he leaned back on two legs of his chair, staring at the ceiling. His arms dangled next to him like useless noodles and his shirt rode up slightly on his stomach, exposing creamy skin. He had a dreamy look on his face, a small smile quirking his features.

I wished I could have been the reason he was smiling like that. I wished I could kiss that smile away and replace it with a big bright grin. However, wishing, commercialized as it is, gets nobody anywhere.

I threw a pencil at his head, breaking his focus and causing him to fall backwards with a yelp. Everyone around us shushed him as I clasped a hand over my mouth, desperately trying not to burst out laughing. He scrambled up from the floor, bright red, putting his chair back in position and sitting in it, looking sheepish as if wanting to disappear completely. I sincerely hoped he didn't, since I got very few occasions to see him so cute.

"Back in the land of the living, I see," I said, still trying to fight off my laughter. He aimed a glare at me and suddenly I was struck with an image of lasers shooting from his eyes to melt my head like a candle. I clasped both hands over my mouth, shaking uncontrollably, face probably red from laughing so much. The image was just too funny.

I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I looked over and found Sora had scooted closer to me, a genuinely concerned look on his face. Suddenly, I didn't feel like laughing so much anymore. I casually brushed his hand away, though I desperately wanted it there.

"I'm fine," I said reassuringly. "Just got the giggles. Anyway, are you fine? You didn't hit your head or anything, did you?"

"Yeah," he said, his glare coming back full-force. "I smacked my head on the floor when I fell and it hurts like a bitch." Frowning, I tugged his head closer and ran my fingers through the back of his hair.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing," I said, "Just checking if you have a lump. It should be about…oh, here we go." I found a small raised bump on the back of his head and pressed gently. He hissed.

"Damnit, that hurts," he whined, pushing my arm away.

I nodded as if he had asked a question. "You should go to the nurse and get some ice for that," I said. "It's gonna hurt all day if you don't."

He nodded and left to ask the teacher for the pass. I watched him leave, and watched the door he had exited through long after he had disappeared through it. Discreetly, I held the fingers I had brushed through his hair under my nose and breathed in. It smelled just like him.

* * *

I didn't see Sora again until 5th period, Global Science. It wasn't a hard class, pretty much all you had to do was say humans sucked and animals should be given equal rights and blah blah blah and the teacher would give you good grades simply because she liked you. So it was easy to sit in the back and talk. 

"How's your head?" I said quietly to Sora, who seemed to be ignoring me by staring at the board.

"It's fine," he said, still staring at the board defiantly. His arms were crossed over his chest in a manner that really let me know he was pissed. I was sad. If I had known he would be so mad over something so trivial I obviously wouldn't have done it.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to make you hurt yourself. I was just messing around." _Like we used to do before you and Kairi became an item,_ I finished silently.

He sighed. "I was having such a good daydream," he said dreamily. "Man, I'd love to really try that sometime…" A dreamy smirk crept over his face as he got lost into it again, but suddenly his face turned red and he shot a glance over at me, his eyes wide with that deer-caught-in-the-headlights look.

I raised my eyebrows pointedly. "What exactly would you like to try sometime?" He shook his head frantically, turning his attention back to the board. I thought he was going to ignore me again, but he muttered, "Later," and that was that.

As we left the classroom, I said to him, "You have plans tonight, right? To go to some…movie with Kairi?" He groaned and nodded. I grinned over at him and patted his shoulder comfortingly. "Don't worry, dude. Worst comes to worst, start making out with her. You'll live." It pained me to say those words, but I had to say something to be casual.

He grimaced. "That all depends on if she doesn't push me away like last time. Believe me, she gets really into these romantic-type movies."

I chuckled sympathetically. "Anyway, you don't have anything to do Saturday, right? I got a new game and I thought maybe you could stay overnight and we could play it?"

Sora frowned. "I don't know, Riku, I have homework…"

"We can do homework too, ya dolt. Come on, we never hang out anymore." I was so close to getting on my knees and begging right in the middle of the hallway. As it were, the farthest I got was a puppy-dog pout before he laughed and gave in. I had the sudden urge to kiss him, but suppressed it and simply threw an arm around his shoulders companionably.

* * *

Stupid drama club. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Because of drama club being so long and having a surprise meeting (which I only found out about because of a message sent during 7th period, when I was all ready to go) I wasn't able to walk home with Sora. 

"It wasn't even about anything important," I muttered. We were only discussing plans for our next production, and hadn't even reached a conclusion before they finally let us leave. I glared up at the steadily darkening sky, cursing myself for ever joining that club in the first place.

I sighed. That wasn't right, I loved drama club. However, if given a choice, I would definitely choose Sora first. I smiled as I imagined him getting ready for his date tonight.

He would probably shower first. (I couldn't keep the disturbingly vivid image of water running down his naked body out of my mind) Then he'd put in whatever he put in his hair to keep it so spiky, going carefully so he wouldn't mess up. He'd meticulously choose his best clothes combination that Kairi hadn't seen before, probably taking as long as Kairi herself did. And when all that was done, he'd be sure to stuff his pockets with mints and breath sprays, so that in the very likely chance that Kairi would make out with him, his breath wouldn't stink.

Of course, I didn't know for sure that's how he acted. I'd never actually been over while he was preparing, since he always kicked me out claiming he needed privacy to obtain a Zen state or whatever. But it just seemed like things he would do.

A throat being cleared nearby shocked me out of my thoughts. I realized it had come from the alleyway next to me. Suddenly, I was a little scared. I'd heard about creeps who hung out at night, looking for random people to pick up and rape. I began shaking slightly and tried to continue walking, but my legs seemed glued to the ground.

Wait, what was I so scared for? I may not be the best fighter, but I can defend myself if it becomes necessary. I've got nothing to worry about at all. Slowly, I turned to face my would-be assailant.

The person sensed me looking at him and his blue gaze met mine. A wide smirk appeared on his face. "Hey there, gorgeous," he said in a sultry voice. "Wanna have some fun?"

My mouth fell open. Sora?!


	3. Once in a Lifetime Chance pt 1

"So, what do you say?" the boy said in a low silky voice, taking a step towards me. I simultaneously took a step back. I couldn't believe it. No way could Sora, my best friend that I've known almost my whole life, be a…a…I couldn't even think it.

I searched in the shadows, trying to determine his expression, but all I could make out was the glint of his blue eyes off the streetlamp behind me and the same seductive grin as before. If he recognized me at all, or had any shortcomings about trying to seduce his best friend, it definitely didn't show on his face.

My throat suddenly felt dry and I swallowed. It didn't help in the slightest. I could feel my heart pounding slightly in my head, reminding me that I had to make a decision.

One: I could leave right now and pretend I knew nothing. Sure, it might be slightly awkward, but after a while I might forget.

Two: Try to convince him to come with me so I could help him. There was no way he would do this without a good reason.

_Or_, a voice in my head whispered, _You could take his offer and have a night of fun with the guy you've always dreamed of._ I flushed at the thought. Under no circumstances would that ever be an option. Paying my best friend to have sex with me was just sick and wrong, no matter how much my body craved it.

A thin, pale hand shot out of the darkness and caressed my face. I flinched, but didn't back away.

"Come on, cutie," he said softly. "What have you got to lose, huh? And you have so much to gain." He trailed his hand down the front of my shirt, stopping when it reached the button on my pants. I shuddered. There was no way I could keep my resolve if he kept doing that.

I wet my lips, trying to ignore the rush of blood to certain lower areas. If I was going to do something, now would be the best time. "Sora…" I began.

I didn't get any farther than that, because suddenly the hand retreated and the boy started to laugh. I could feel my cheeks heat up again. "What's so funny?" I said indignantly.

Chuckling still, the boy stepped out of the shadows into the pool of light from the streetlamp. I almost breathed a sigh in relief when I realized this person definitely wasn't Sora. The hair was lighter and, while his eyes were also blue, they were a completely different shade. In the dark, it was an honest mistake.

"No wonder why you looked so freaked-out," the boy said, still grinning widely. "Listen, babe, I'm not this Sora person. The name's Tidus." He stepped closer, wrapping both arms around mine. "So, now that that little matter's settled…" He swept his fingers across the front of my pants, where a tell-tale bulge still resided. I had to bite my lip to keep a whimper from escaping my lips. "Why don't we take care of this?" Tidus whispered in my ear.

Some rational part of my brain must have been working, because something in my mind clicked and I pushed the smaller boy away. Unfortunately, though he was small, he was stronger than he looked and held on still.

"Let go," I growled, simultaneously trying to keep one of his hands from wandering. "I'm not interested."

"No?" Somehow, he managed to grab the front of my pants, forcing out a moan before I could stop it. "This tells a different story."

I shook my head. "I-I'm not gay you jackass." Okay, so it was kind of a lie. But being honest in this situation was obviously not going to help.

"So?" He chuckled in my ear seductively. "You don't need to be gay to enjoy it. Do you know why guys make the best lovers?" I shook my head, despite myself. "It's because they know what they like. With girls it's always a guessing game. But you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"

I scowled. It was true; at school I was extremely popular with the girls. And more than one had asked me out before. I was no stranger to sex, since most of them had been annoying but extremely easy. So yes, I did know what he was talking about. A more awkward situation cannot be described than a girl giving her first hand job.

But still, this was a completely different situation. Even I had some standards, and anyway, who knew what diseases this guy could have?

As if reading my mind, he said, "Don't worry, I don't have any STD's. I'm always careful."

I couldn't think of any other reasons to refuse him, other than the obvious uncomfortable factor. "I…I don't have any money," I offered lamely. That was definitely a lie. I always carried a secret stash of money with me just in case. But if I said I had none, maybe he wouldn't be interested anymore.

"That's not a problem," he said, "Because of that little…misunderstanding back there, and of course because you're just too cute to pass up, I'll be willing to give ya a freebee."

"But…"

He placed two fingers over my mouth. "If you're uncomfortable about having sex with a guy, there are…alternatives." He smirked and began pulling me into the alleyway he had been standing at. I followed, having given up resisting. It was going to happen whether I liked it or not, might as well get some pleasure out of it.

I found myself up against a brick wall minutes later, with my lips clamped shut in an effort to keep silent. My pants were around my ankles and a dark blonde head was bobbing in-between my legs. I refused to grip that hair that swayed with every dip and instead opted for clenching my hands around a thin ledge lining the wall behind me. My legs felt like they were going to collapse under me and even though I felt like this was probably a bad idea I couldn't help thinking that this was the best blowjob I had ever received.

I left my eyes open simply because I didn't trust this guy not to search through my bag, which I had set right beside me before we'd started. I was going to make sure I left as soon as this thing was over with.

It was funny, though, that I couldn't seem to focus on anything but Tidus' hair. What was even funnier was that it…started changing. Soon, it really did look like Sora instead. I blinked a few times, trying to get the image out of my head. But it wouldn't go away. I found it extremely erotic, however, and didn't have time to warn Tidus as I felt myself cum with what I hoped was a whisper of Sora's name.

The blonde boy swallowed all that I had to offer before pulling back, wiping excesses of it from his lips with the back of his hand. I took a moment to take a few deep breaths, steadying myself with one hand on Tidus' shoulder so I wouldn't fall over. I prayed to whatever Gods existed that he hadn't heard me call out Sora's name.

No such luck, unfortunately. Another cheeky grin formed on his face as he said, "So, who's Sora?"

I cursed the Gods silently, bending down to pull my pants back up. "He's…he's nobody," I muttered.

"Sure sounds like somebody," he said slyly. "He was somebody who you called the name of as you came, I'd say that's a pretty important person." He stood up straight. "Hey, wasn't he the guy you thought I was before? Thought you said you weren't gay?"

I had never been so glad for darkness in my life. It hid what I assumed to be a bright red blush covering my face. "That's…none of your business."

"Mmhmm…" Tidus stepped closer, forcing me back onto the wall. "Is he your lover?"

I pushed him back into the wall opposite in the narrow alleyway. "That is none of your business!" I said, suddenly pissed. I grabbed my bag from the ground and started to storm off.

"Tell him."

I turned around and regarded the boy still slumped on the ground behind me. "What?"

"Tell him how you feel," he said. "If you love him, then he deserves to know and make his own choice, right?"

I scowled. If only it could be that easy.

* * *

AN: I'm putting the Author's Note at the bottom today, because I wanted you all to be surprised by the misleading cliffhanger!! -Evil laugh- I actually only added that part about Riku thinking it was Sora as a last-minute thought because I knew it would be hilarious to watch everyone's reactions. -Ducks rotten garbage- Reviewers!

Immortal Fisheh

Faye Silo

dark and light heart

Tsuzuki Misaki

Tomiko90

Kev the She-Wolf

weary seer

PhinMaginONLY

Smiley Smackdown

rebecca2200

Wow, got a few more. Awesome! I would like to add right now that I don't add anonymous reviews unless one of my good friends reviews. I'd also like to say to the people faving me and not reviewing: Please stop that. I love reviews and though your faves and story adds and alerts and such make me feel like someone loves my story as well, it just doesn't compare to a review. I'm a review-whore, and I measure how good the story is by the reviews SO REVIEW DAMNIT!!! (Example: Attempted Suicide, over 300 reviews. Hellz yeah.)

Anyway, for those of you who don't hate me yet, I have the next chapter halfway written but I'm gonna wait until I get another good 10 reviews until I post it. So for those of you being stingy with your reviews, I suggest starting to do it. Oh, and just to motivate you more: The next chapter is gonna be really really good and something completely amazing is gonna happen. I'm not bluffing, really, it's gonna be great and I know you'll love it. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope you don't hate me.


	4. Once in a Lifetime Chance pt 2

AN: Well, since the last chapter did not bode well with some of you, I am updating this quickly. I know I said I would wait for 10 reviews, but 9 is just as good. Besides, I could never keep to that kind of thing anyway. So rebecca2200, don't worry, I won't become one of those people. I love my fans too much for that.

Immortal Fisheh

Faye Silo

dark and light heart

Tsuzuki Misaki

Tomiko90

Kev the She-Wolf

weary seer

PhinMaginONLY

Smiley Smackdown

rebecca2200

Pirate2Love

SutZina Zion

carefreecat

I think you guys will really enjoy this chapter. Really. -Evil/Perverted smile- You shall see why, and believe me this is going to come up later so look for it in later chapters. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own it

* * *

My parents were really pissed that I came home so late. I obviously couldn't tell them why, so I told them some bullshit story about drama club running late. I could tell they didn't believe it, but luckily they still said yes to Sora coming over tomorrow night.

Larxene found me after dinner, listening to some music in my room. I took the buds out of my ears and fixed her with a steady gaze, inviting whatever she had to say.

"Wanna tell me why you were really late, Riku?" she said, leaning against the doorframe. Not demanding, not angry, just…curious I guess. It made me almost want to tell her.

"No, not particularly," I said, shrugging my shoulders. She continued staring at me, as if she could get the answer from my face.

"Was it something to do with Sora?"

I frowned. "Not really," I answered truthfully. "It was just a…thing, and it's really none of your business."

We both were still for a while, just staring at each other, waiting for the other to crack. I wanted her to go away so badly, because I knew that if she kept pressing it I would probably end up telling her everything.

Luckily, she changed the subject…sort of.

"So, Sora's coming over tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Yep, he is."

"You sure that's such a good idea, Ri?"

I frowned at her. "What do you mean?"

She sighed. "You know what I mean. He may be your friend, Riku, and I know you want to spend time with him, but it's not fair to you to be around him so often. You're just hurting yourself."

"So what?" I snapped, sitting up. "It's my life; I can choose to hurt myself if I want to. He was my friend first, and I'm not going to give that up no matter how much I can't have him." I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them.

Larxene crossed the room and sat down next to me, wrapping and arm around my shoulders. I abandoned my grip on my knees to wrap my arms around her neck, laying my head on her shoulder. She was stroking my back soothingly like when we were little kids and I used to get upset.

"You can cry if you want," Larxene said, "I won't tell anyone."

I smiled. "That's okay, Larx, I don't think that'll be necessary. Besides, I know you hate it when people depend on you."

She made a small noise of agreement, rubbing her hand in a small circle on my back in a sort of massage. We sat there for a while in companionable silence. I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I was being jolted awake by Larxene laying me down on my bed.

"Shhh, mom and dad are already asleep," she whispered. I sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked groggily. Larxene shrugged.

"A couple hours. Go back to sleep, Ri." She ruffled my already-rumpled hair affectionately and stood up. "Don't wake me up, okay?" I smiled as she left, flicking off the light. She had been saying that to me for years.

When I was little I used to get frightened of the dark easily and I would often go into her room, in effect waking her up as well. I knew that deep down she didn't mind, but I also knew that it had annoyed her to no end when she couldn't get enough sleep.

I glanced over at my digital clock; 12:09 AM. Not too late, but…there didn't seem to be much reason to stay awake at this point.

Before I laid down I snuck a peek out the window, at Sora's house. All the windows were dark, which wasn't a surprise, but the curtains to Sora's bedroom were open.

There wasn't much to see, but it was nice to look into his room and know he was sleeping peacefully. It made me feel warm inside to know he was comfortable and safe. With a small sigh, I drew the curtains back and threw myself back onto my bed, falling asleep in a matter of minutes.

* * *

I awoke to the sound of yelling from downstairs. Groaning, I pulled a pillow over my head and tried to ignore it. Lately, my parents had been fighting a lot more often. Usually, my dad would leave early to avoid my mom before she woke up, but apparently he hadn't been able to get away fast enough today.

Giving up on going back to sleep, I finally slipped out of bed just as the back door slammed shut. That meant my dad had finally left and, as per usual, I could hear the faintly muffled sounds of my mom crying in what she assumed to be a quiet manner. Note to self: Avoid the kitchen.

It's not that I don't love my mom, and that I don't want to comfort her, but if I go down there all that's going to happen is she's going to yell at me for something that isn't my fault, and I'm going to yell back and we'll both be in a bad mood today. Best just to leave it alone.

I snuck over to Larxene's room, where she was sitting at her computer doing some homework.

"They wake you up too?" she said, facing me. I nodded and sat down on her bed.

"They really went at each other today. I think I might have heard something break." Neither of us said it, but we were both thinking it. That one word that every kid hates to hear: Divorce.

"I think mom left," Larxene said, turning back to her computer. "Go make something to eat, I'm starving." I would protest, but it really is better for me to make meals. Larxene can't cook to save her life.

I ended up cleaning the house today. I knew my sister would never do it, being the slob she was, and I thought that maybe if mom and dad came home to a clean house they might be in a good mood and may not jump down each other's throats. Not to mention Sora was coming over and, even though he'd seen my house a million times I wanted it to be nice.

The house wasn't the only thing I wanted to look nice. I took a shower and put on my nicest jeans and blue tank top. It wasn't much, but it was nice enough to pass for decent.

* * *

When he arrived, I think I had a mini panic-attack. I couldn't help but notice how utterly weird that was since, even though he was my current love-interest, he was my best friend. He'd slept over tons of times. I didn't need to freak out so much.

I took a deep breath to calm myself and opened the door, where Sora and a small green bag stood. He grinned and I think my knees might have buckled. I'd forgotten he could do that to me.

Luckily, I managed to stay on my feet and ushered him inside. Though I'd said we would do homework, both of us knew that had been a lie. We played games and ate pizza Larxene had ordered for us all night.

My parents came home at separate times and, to my great relief, avoided each other and didn't start yelling. I don't think I could have lived it down if Sora had had to be a witness to my family's drama.

Sora was yawning loudly and losing just about every game before I decided sleep would be a good idea. We laid out a sleeping bag on the floor of my bedroom and laid on opposite sides. Sora was out like a light, but I…I couldn't seem to feel sleepy.

My body was definitely over-aware of Sora's body next to mine. In the beginning, there was a lot of space between us but, somehow, we ended up shifting so much that our backs were to each other. We were so close that I could smell the scent that was so purely him that I loved and I couldn't get enough.

I could feel myself reacting to it and tried to quash it. Getting a hard-on right next to my completely straight friend would not do at all. If he woke up…he'd probably never speak to me again.

I started to rub myself through my boxers, trying to release some of the tension I felt, but it was hopeless. As long as Sora was there, so close to me and yet he might as well be miles away, this wouldn't go away.

He shifted against my back and I felt a zing go through me. I groaned. Some God up there must hate me. There was no torture worse than this.

I heard a moan behind me and looked around. Sora's eyes were still closed, and he seemed to still be asleep, but he looked…uncomfortable. I soon found the reason why when he shifted slightly, giving me an unobstructed view of the front of his body. My eyes widened when I found the tent on the front of his pajama pants.

I bit my lip thoughtfully. This could definitely be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It would be a shame to waste it. I reached out to touch Sora's sleeping form, but then he shifted back on his side and I jerked my hand away, startled. What was I thinking? I couldn't do that! If he woke up, that would be way too hard to explain. No, no, it was a completely bad idea.

I had just thought I should probably go to the bathroom when Sora started to not only moan but to thrust shallowly in his sleep. I let out a little whimper at this and felt my resolve melting. That was almost like an invitation.

Carefully, I settled myself behind my best friend in a spoon and, slowly so I wouldn't wake him up, stuck my hand down his pants and began to stroke him.

The result was more shocking than I had thought. I was good, apparently, because he let out a loud groan and thrust upwards into my hand. I managed to hold in any noise I might have made and gently placed my other hand over his mouth to muffle his sounds. It wouldn't do to have my parents or Larxene wake up and find this.

I continued stroking, alternating between rough and gentle, marveling at the different sounds I could make him do with each. Maybe there was something to what Tidus had said, because Sora definitely seemed to be enjoying it. I couldn't help but grin at that.

I had my nose buried in his hair so I could get as much of that intoxicating smell as humanly possible. Just that and the feel of him under my hand, not to mention all the sounds he was making muffled under my hand, was enough to push me over the edge as he came with a cry that luckily wasn't too loud. Myself, I had to bite my tongue to keep quiet as dizzying orgasm overtook me.

Once my mind returned to me, I quickly pulled my hand out of his pants and sat back. I had to go to the bathroom and clean this up. But before I could stand up, something tugged on the collar of my t-shirt.

I looked down and my eyes widened when I saw Sora looking at me through half-lidded eyes.

"S-Sora…I-I, uhm…this isn't what it…that is to say…" I didn't get a chance to finish my stammered explanation, because he was tugging me down towards him.

My heart was pounding in my throat. What was he going to do? I wouldn't blame him if he was going to scream at me. I just prayed nobody would wake up and I could avoid the complete and total embarrassment. I squeezed my eyes shut and prepared for the worst.

But the telling-off I was expecting never came. Instead, a pair of soft lips on mine was all I felt. My eyes flew open, surprised, but by the time they had Sora's head had fallen back on the pillow and he was snoring softly.

I was stunned for a minute, and then I scrambled up and went to the bathroom, locking it behind me. I washed my hands quickly, suppressing the urge to taste the white liquid on my hands. When I was done, I slid to the floor and tried to process what had just happened.

I had just jerked off my best friend. That's what had happened. I would never forget this experience, not as long as I lived. I was just really lucky he didn't wake up.

I lifted my fingers to my lips. I know he was half-asleep when he did it, but…he kissed me. _He _kissed _me._

So…what did that mean?


	5. Rainy Day Blues

AN: Well gang, I have returned. And I have to say: This week has been one of the longest of my life. But of course the weekend will go fast because I have midterms to worry about next week. -Disdain- Wish me luck y'all, and leave lovely reviews to boost my self-esteem please. There is some exciting news: I got Raised By Wolves: Matelot. Which is the sequel to Raised By Wolves: Brethren. If you haven't read it before, then GO READ IT!!!! I'm not kidding. If you search for it online, you can find a few chapters to read, and believe me it's long but so worth it. (But Volume 2 is better cuz there's more smex :p) Reviewers!

Immortal Fisheh

Faye Silo

dark and light heart

Tsuzuki Misaki

Tomiko90

Kev the She-Wolf

weary seer

PhinMaginONLY

Smiley Smackdown

rebecca2200

Pirate2Love

SutZina Zion

carefreecat

Nate River18

Riku-stalker

Faeries-Landing'

If you guys haven't noticed, I really like leaving on cliffhangers. As you will learn in this chapter, I also have a Bitch complex on the cliffhangers I leave. -Laugh-

I'd like to mention something I find funny: I've been posting this on Deviantart as well (under the name Omega23 if anyone wanted to know) and the only chapter that has no mature content is chapter 2. I wonder if I'll ever have another clean chapter...

Anyway, enough with this crap. Let's get started, and don't forget to review or you'll recieve and impromptu visit from the Orange Leprechauns.

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

* * *

I hated days like this; no raining on a Sunday should be some kind of law or something. There was never anything to do except stare out the window and reflect on everything that makes your life shit; which was what I was doing.

Last weekend had been the day that I like to refer to as "The Sleepover Incident". Sora had left like normal and we'd said goodbye like normal, but since then I've been…well, not avoiding him, per se. Let's just say I was always making sure I was busy when he came around.

It was sort of unfair. He had been asleep throughout the whole thing and didn't remember a thing. His bright blue eyes and overly-bright smile would seek me out day after day and all I could do was turn away to hide my blush and fight away memories to keep an imminent hard-on away. So you can see how it was easier to simply make no contact.

I sighed as I watched the raindrops hitting the window. I could see Sora's room just out of focus, but nobody was in it. I wasn't surprised. Sora was probably somewhere with Kairi. Roxas…hell, whoever knew where Roxas was anyway? The kid was an enigma in himself.

I think I might go mad if I keep doing this much longer. Like I said: Raining on Sunday should be a federal crime. When there's no school to distract you, thoughts just keep coming like a broken dyke.

I threw myself back on the bed to stare at the shadows on my ceiling from the rain. Things were so complicated. Sora was oblivious, but it was still a bad idea to do that kind of thing to him. While he was asleep, no less! Not only could that be construed as a sort of rape (I think) but there was no way I could get the images out of my mind.

Unbidden, the memories came to mind clear as a bell. I could still smell his wonderful scent, could feel the slide of my hand against his length, feel the pulsing as he came…because of me. I had taken him to climax. My hand had brought him pleasure and no other. It was an exciting thought.

Reliving it, I again felt my hand sliding past the elastic of his boxers, coming into contact with hot flesh that practically jumped into my hand and twitched with nearly every movement.

It took me a few moments to realize I was stroking myself instead of Sora, but when I did I had no intention of stopping. I reached climax with thoughts of Sora and quickly scurried to the bathroom to wash myself off.

As I was scrubbing thoroughly to erase all traces of it, I couldn't help feeling slightly guilty. That wasn't the first time I had jerked off to that memory, and though it was enjoyable it almost felt like I was taking advantage of my best friend. Each time, I felt like it was happening over and over again and each time I could have stopped it but I didn't; I let it go on. The sickest thing about it was that I knew if someone else were ever doing that kind of thing, I would have kicked their asses by now.

Looking down at myself in disdain, I realized I desperately needed a shower. I hadn't had one in a couple days. Quickly shucking out of my shirt and pants, and throwing them into the clothes hamper, I turned the small shower on and climbed in.

I quickly turned the temperature knob on the wall so that the water was coming out scalding hot. I sighed in contentment. There was nothing better than a hot shower on a rainy day.

I picked up a white bar of soap and began to wash my body thoroughly. It was nice sometimes to get away from everything and just clean myself. In the shower, not much else occupied my mind except the task at hand. I couldn't think of a single way this could be any better.

_Unless Sora was in here with me,_ my mind whispered.

I frowned at the thought and looked around as if it were a physical thing I could see. I didn't want those kinds of thoughts right now. Right now was about me cleaning myself, and it would not turn dirty.

_Sora was wet, naked and glistening under the showerhead in front of me. Slim hips swaying unknowingly, just begging to be grabbed and fucked. I would wrap an arm around his waist, whispering how beautiful he was into his ear, before roughly gripping him in my hand…_

I shook my head to clear the vivid daydream from my mind and scrubbed harder with the soap. I refused to let myself be swept away by this. No way.

But my resolve wavered a bit when I had to wash the most sensitive part of my body, which was already half-hard. Just one touch with the soap and another daydream flooded my mind.

_When he had come, he spun around, managing a devilish grin through his flushed cheeks and the sated look in his eyes. He sat me down on the edge of the tub and knelt in front of me seductively, his blue eyes never leaving mine…_

I groaned and sat down on the edge of the tub, as my legs had suddenly become rubbery and I felt dizzy. I had never had daydreams so erotic before. But I had to stop. Someone might hear me. I buried my head in my hands and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. But as soon as I closed my eyes, they started up again.

_Sora was kneeling in front of me, lips around my cock and putting that talented tongue to very good use. My hands were buried in his hair and I was muttering something even I couldn't understand, punctuating it every once in a while with a muffled groan. He had taken to rubbing his hand up and down my thigh as he worked and, though it was a simple act, it sent tingles through my skin and left me feeling much too warm._

_When I reached climax, I had to cover my mouth with both hands to muffle the loud shout. When I was finished, Sora lifted his head to look into my eyes, a bit of my essence still on his lips. Smiling, I reached out and brushed it away before pulling him to me and kissing him roughly._

I opened my eyes and found that I had indeed come, and the evidence was on the wall only 2 feet in front of me. Luckily, nobody came into my bathroom and even if they did…well, it's not like it's unexpected of me.

I washed my hair quickly and got out, wincing at the sudden cold air. I grabbed a towel from the rack and began to towel myself off, thinking. What could have brought on those daydreams? It might have been because of what happened recently, but…it's strange, I don't think that was really it.

I sat down on the toilet while I toweled my hair and closed my eyes. Immediately, another image played on the back of my eyelids, like a movie for my brain.

_Sora and I got out of the tub, toweling off quickly. I watched him, enjoying the way his muscles bunched and loosened as he moved around to dry off every bit of skin. I wanted to touch him so bad, so I did, laying a hand on his small shoulder. He looked at me questioningly, but I only smiled and grabbed his towel, starting to dry off his hair._

"_You have to dry it properly," I said. "You don't want to get a cold, now do you?"_

_He smiled and let me do what I wanted to. When I felt it was dry enough, I leaned forward and caught him in a passionate kiss._

"_I love you," I whispered against his lips._

_Sora gripped one of my hands still on his head and kissed the fingers._

"_Me too," he said._

I was surprised to find my face wet when I opened my eyes. That had definitely not been about sex or desire, or whatever you chose to call it. That was about me, and Sora, and what I desperately wished to happen. I wanted so much to hear him say those words, to want him to want for me to give him pleasure, to kiss him to my hearts content…everything I knew I could never have.

It just wasn't fair.

* * *

I made my way downstairs, fully dressed even though I had no intention of going out, in search of food to fill my empty stomach.

The first thing I noticed when I entered the living room was that my parents were sitting on the couch together. My heart swelled with joy. They were together, and they weren't fighting. Maybe they had worked everything out.

The second thing I noticed was that Larxene was in the room too, sitting in an armchair next to the couch.

Unfortunately, the third thing I noticed was that nobody was talking, and everyone wore a solemn expression.

My dad looked up and spotted me standing on the stairs, one hand still on the banister.

"Riku," he said, "Could you come down here please? Your mother and I have something you need to hear."

* * *

I'm not sure how exactly I ended up there, but I soon found myself on Sora's doorstep. I didn't knock or ring the doorbell, I just…sat there. In the rain. I couldn't make myself go inside and even if I could…

"Riku?"

I didn't look up. I recognized the voice anyway. Who could ever mistake it?

"Riku, what are you doing here?" Sora, clad in a jacket with the hood pulled up so that only a few spikes showed through, knelt in front of me, blue eyes swimming with concern.

For some reason, I could only stare at him. Even now, even when I was at my lowest point, I could only stare at his beauty and wonder if he even knew what I was thinking about.

"Have you been crying?"

I shrugged. Maybe I had been. I hadn't noticed because of the rain. "I don't know," I answered truthfully.

Sora reached a hand forward and brushed what I assumed to be tears from my eyes. "Riku, you look awful," he said. "You should come inside. You'll catch your death out here."

I shook my head. I doubted I could move even if I wanted to.

"Well then you should at least have a jacket," he said, starting to stand up.

Suddenly, I just blurted it out: "My parents are getting a divorce."

Almost as if stunned, Sora returned to his previous position, searching my face to, I suspected, determine if I had really said what he thought I said. After that, the words kept coming and I told him the whole story until I started to shiver violently.

His arms were around me in an instant, like a protective cocoon. My arms instinctively were around his waist, and even though I knew this was a serious matter, I couldn't help reveling in it.

"Why do you always do this, Sora?" I said without thinking. "Why are you so good to me?"

Sora pulled away from the embrace to search my face again. "Because, Riku, you're my best friend. I love you."

I couldn't help it. Those words from his mouth were enough to make me lose my mind, and soon I had pulled him close, wrapped in my arms, my lips pressed against his.


	6. Devine Retribution

AN: Well people, midterms are over! Party time!!! -Dances- I think I did really great on them, but I won't know for sure until next week. I have a long weekend ahead of me, due to having Friday and Monday off, so expect another chapter before Tuesday. I'm actually not proud of this chapter at all, because it seems kind of awkward to me. I'm sorry, if I need to I can edit it later. But it's helping the plot progress at least, so it's not that important. Reviewers!

Immortal Fisheh

Faye Silo

dark and light heart

Tsuzuki Misaki

Tomiko90

Kev the She-Wolf

weary seer

PhinMaginONLY

Smiley Smackdown

rebecca2200

Pirate2Love

SutZina Zion

carefreecat

Nate River18

Riku-Stalker

Faeries-Landing

animeroxz

Dead Bassline

shad0wOFn0th1ng

I got more reviews this time around, which really boosted my self-esteem. I really hope yo uguys like this one, but if you don't that's okay because the next chapter will be better.

Oh, and a question for any Scrubs fans out there: Do you know if Dr. Kelso ever mention's his son's name? I want to do a story with him in it, but I need to know if I need to make up a name or not. Help me out, please.

Disclaimer: I don't own it

* * *

Time stopped, or at least slowed down, I'm sure of it. The world narrowed down to a pinprick in which Sora and I seemed to be the only inhabitants. The raindrops even seemed to stop flowing, if only for just a second that felt like a lifetime. And for a moment, things were completely perfect. It was heaven to hold his small frame in my arms, to have the one thing I've been wanting for as long as I can remember.

But sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to.

I become slowly aware that his small arms were pushing at my chest in a desperate attempt to pull away. I began to panic as the reality sunk into my brain:

I was kissing Sora, but he wasn't kissing back.

Desperately, I doubled my efforts, hoping that I was wrong, hoping that somehow my mind was playing tricks on me. I wanted this to happen…no, needed it. There was no way Sora could be rejecting me. No, it couldn't be…

I found myself dazed as a blow landed on my cheek, knocking me over on the small doorstep. My mind barely registered that Sora had hit me as I lay there, too stunned to move.

Sora entered my line of vision, kneeling in front of me, his eyes bright with worry and an underlying fear.

"Riku?" he said softly, leaning back slightly as if afraid I would attack him. "Are you okay?" He reached out a hand tentatively to shake me gently. I grasped it with my own, holding it against my shoulder. Startled, he tried to pull it back, but I only held on tighter.

"If I said I loved you," I said softly, staring up at him pleadingly, "Would that change anything?"

Sora's eyes blinked confusedly. "What…? I don't understand…"

"I love you, Sora," I repeated emphatically, sitting up and holding his hand to my cheek like a treasured item. "I've loved you for so long now and it's been…it's been so hard seeing you with her. I can't stand it." I squeezed his hand. "Please, you have to understand."

Sora shook his head dazedly, the look of confusion still evident.

I brought the hand I still held to my mouth and kissed the knuckles gently, staring into his eyes, willing him to realize what I was telling him.

I almost died when he flinched.

I began shaking and released the hand from my grasp, feeling like I had lost a piece of myself in the process. He had rejected me. It was over.

"Riku…" Out of the corner of my vision, I saw a small hand reach towards me again. I batted it away, keeping my gaze trained on the ground.

When he tried again, this time I struck with more force. "Don't touch me!" I said with more venom than I originally intended. I couldn't stand his touch right now. Every little thing he did, every comfort trick he tried to perform, it was because he was my friend and he cared about me. But being his friend wasn't enough anymore.

"Riku, please…" Sora begged, "Please, talk to me."

I lifted my gaze from the ground, fixing him with a steady glare. "You want me to talk, Sora? You want me to tell you what's wrong with me?" I hugged myself. "You can't understand Sora. No matter what I tell you, all it will do is drive you farther and farther away."

"That's not true…"

"No?" For some reason, his claim made me angrier. "You remember when you slept over a few nights ago? How about this little nugget of information: I jerked you off in your sleep. And we both loved it. You were moaning and thrashing around like the little bitch you are. And the only reason I didn't fuck you right there, Sora, the absolute _only_ reason was because we're friends."

I anticipated the slap before it came and braced myself when it did come, but I was still slightly surprised by it. Surprised enough, at least, to retaliate.

I punched him in the stomach, winding him and making him fall back on the soaked ground before starting to run. I needed to get away from that place, and it didn't matter where. I couldn't stand facing the reality right now.

As I ran, I began to think. I had stupidly confessed my love to my best friend-or, by this time, former best friend-and he would surely hate me for it. It just wasn't fair. In only a few days, things had gone so wrong. Why was I so stupid? Why couldn't I be happy to have Sora as my best friend? Why did I have to fuck everything up?

And most importantly, why couldn't Sora love me back?

I don't know how long I was running, but I do know that by the time I stopped there was a stitch in my side and I was in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

I shivered violently and wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly realizing the temperature and the fact that I didn't have a coat.

I wandered about a bit before finding a makeshift shelter made out of tin in an alleyway. I quickly crouched inside, grateful at least to be out of the rain.

I was still shivering, since I had gotten very wet before and had nothing to keep my warm. Desperately, I rubbed at my arms, trying to warm up. But I could barely feel the contact, and it did little good.

_I'm going to die, _I thought. _I'm going to die out here, in the rain, with Sora hating me and my family worried. _I felt a few tears roll down my cheeks. I didn't want to die…hell, nobody did.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to retain as much body heat as I could, all the while overly aware of how nobody was out today. How long would it be before somebody found my body if I died?

I buried my face in my knees. I felt tired suddenly. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to sleep…just for a second…

"Hey, what are you doing in my house?"

I was jerked out of my doze by a screeching voice. I looked up blearily to find a blonde boy standing in front of me, his arms crossed in annoyance. I almost jumped out of my skin when I realized it was Tidus, that hustler I had met.

"I-I'm s-sorry," I said, trying to still my chattering teeth enough to form a coherent sentence. I try to stand up, only to be pushed back down.

"Hey, you're that one guy aren't you?" Tidus said, grinning. "Come back for another round?" I glared up at him and tried to stand again. Once more, he pushed me down.

"Don't leave," he said, sitting down beside me. "It's not often I have company. So, did things work out with that Sora guy?"

Ignoring the question, I looked around at the small barely-shelter. "You-you live h-here?" I stammered.

Tidus shrugged, still grinning. "Yeah, I know it's not fancy. But it's home. It's a place of consistency to come back to." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me towards him. I felt a little better because of it, and knew I was too weak to fight him off anyway, so I allowed it.

"So, what brings you here?"

I sighed. I was hoping he wouldn't ask. "I had a fight with a friend…"

"Sora?"

"Yeah…"

"What happened?"

"I told him I loved him."

Tidus studied my face. "Is that it?"

"No…" I sighed again. "I think I got a little out of control, and I crossed a line." I explained what had happened, and at the end Tidus let loose a low whistle.

"That is pretty bad," he said, nodding as if agreeing with himself. "What are you going to do about it?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. By now he probably hates my guts. I'm scared to face him," I admitted. "I wish…we could be more than friends."

Tidus began toying with my hair. "Well, Riku, I can't see that happening unless you make things clear. It seems to me that you shocked the poor boy and then left because you were angry at him for being confused. Now tell me: If someone kissed you and then confessed their love to you, would you be able to take it in stride?"

I could see his point, but I didn't respond. Maybe I had been selfish, maybe I hadn't been fair, but there was no way I could stand the looks I was sure to receive from him from now on. It would be too painful, and I was sure I wouldn't be able to go on living.

"Hey, isn't that him now?"

Startled, I looked up and found Sora standing over me with an umbrella. I looked around and found Tidus-and the shelter-gone, with Sora being the only one around. He handed me a jacket, which I took gratefully and wrapped around myself.

"I was worried about you, idiot," Sora said, glaring down at me. He held out a hand, which I accepted readily, and hauled me to my feet. "Don't ever do that to me again."

I stuck my hands in the jacket pockets as I walked beside him. "Are you mad at me?" I asked quietly.

"Of course I am!" Sora fixed me with another glare. "I was out half the night looking for you, and every corner I turned I was afraid I'd find you dead or worse. Do you have any idea how scared I was?"

I ducked my head ashamedly, but a small smile was on my face. He had been worried about me. He had come looking for me. He was here, beside me, making sure I was okay. I didn't deserve him; as a friend, or as I truly wished him to be.

Still smiling, I slipped an arm over his shoulders. "I'm sorry," I said. "It'll never happen again, I swear."

"It better not," Sora said, his glare faltering to be replaced by a watery smile. I felt my heart jump and sighed. Maybe there was hope, after all.


	7. A Minor Misunderstanding

AN: I told you to expect a chapter before tuesday. Though, the second half might not be that great. I wrote the first half last night and the second half today, so it's a little awkward. Not much mature content in this one, but it's still interesting I think. Reviewers!

Immortal Fisheh

Faye Silo

dark and light heart

Tsuzuki Misaki

Tomiko90

Kev the She-Wolf

weary seer

PhinMaginONLY

Smiley Smackdown

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Pirate2Love

SutZina Zion

carefreecat

Nate River18

Riku-Stalker

Faeries-Landing

animeroxz

Dead Bassline

shad0wOFn0th1ng

enix-XIII

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luckynumberseven77

You guys completely rock. I love you! Oh, and I'm looking for anyone who goes to Gaia: Do you know where I can get a pet? I haven't been able to find them anywhere and it makes me sad. And for any who want to add me as a friend on there, my name is Belphegor93.

Disclaimer: I don't own it

* * *

Even with the umbrella, both of us were soaked by the time we made it back to Sora's house. I don't think either of us minded, even though we were shivering. I couldn't speak for Sora, but I was just happy he didn't hate me right now.

It never ceased to amaze me, when he forgave me so easily. Maybe he didn't have the heart to hold a grudge, I didn't know, but in memory there has never been an instance that I or anyone else has pissed him off that he hasn't immediately forgiven in a week or less. It was one of the reasons I loved him so much.

"You should go home and change," Sora said, shucking off his coat and sticking the umbrella on a hook by the door. "You're gonna freeze in those clothes."

And just like that, my relatively good mood was gone. I was forced to remember why I had gone to Sora's in the first place, why I was still hiding over here.

"I'm fine," I said with fake cheeriness. I would readily deal with discomfort for a few hours, and maybe even being sick afterwards, if only I could delay the awkward confrontation that awaited me.

Sora looked at me for a second before digging through some clothes and throwing a shirt and some sweatpants my way.

"Put those on," he said, "I'll throw your clothes in the dryer."

I caught the articles of clothing, touched that he would do that for me. Without thinking, I started to undress right on the spot.

When I pulled my wet T-shirt over my head, I caught him staring at me. Smirking, I straightened a bit to give him a better look. I admit it, I have a nice body. And that's not arrogance, it's the truth.

I threw my sodden shirt at him, and he snapped out of his daze just in time to catch it in midair.

"Like what you see?" I said, winking. He threw me a glare and quickly turned away, but not before I saw the bright red blush painting his cheeks.

I laughed as I slipped on the dry shirt, but inside I was elated. Maybe I was reading too much into it, but the look to me seemed like one of lust. Inwardly, I scoffed; wishful thinking, more like it.

However, I didn't fail to notice that when I was taking off my pants he kept his eyes trained firmly on the floor.

When I was done, Sora gathered up the pile and left. When he came back, he was dressed in dry pants…but no shirt. I swallowed as I forced myself to look away. This was the worst sort of torture, and probably what I deserved.

"I couldn't find a shirt in my room," Sora said by way of explanation, digging through the same pile he was in before.

I found myself staring, but then again, how could I not? He was bent over, practically with his ass in the air, with no shirt on. Almost subconsciously, I found myself take a few steps toward him.

When he straightened up, my eyes were drawn to a line of freckles down his left shoulder blade. I don't know why, but looking at those small brown dots I couldn't help but think how…perfect they looked on him. Maybe it was the poet in me, or maybe I was just going crazy.

I reached out and traced them lightly with the tips of my fingers. I didn't miss the shiver that went through his body and found myself smirking slightly.

"Riku?" he said, glancing back at me over his shoulder. "What are you doing?" I was pleased to note that his tone wasn't angry or fearful, but simply inquiring.

"Nothing," I answered truthfully. "Just observing. I don't remember these particular freckles." I swept over the skin again, entranced with the smoothness more than the marks themselves. I was rewarded with another shiver.

"Could you stop that?" Sora said, playfully swatting behind his back. "That's a sensitive area."

I don't know what made me do what I did. Maybe it was the sensitive area comment; maybe it was the abundance of physical contact that was so rare and so welcomed. Whatever it was, I found myself leaning forward and pressing a kiss to that cluster of freckles that was so light I barely felt the skin on my lips.

I felt Sora squirm. "Riku…"

"Shhh…" I braced myself by grasping both of his arms in my hands and pressed another feather-light kiss just above the other. I let myself wander a little until I reached his shoulder and, finally his neck.

He jumped when I kissed the neck and opened his mouth, but the only thing that came out was a small gasp as I traced the shell of his ear with the tip of my tongue.

One of my hands had ceased its hold on Sora's arm and had begun to wander. I started at the chest, being sure to "accidentally" brush one of his nipples, and trailed my fingers down his stomach, dragging traces of moisture still clinging to the skin along for the ride. I could feel his stomach clench under my hand and convulse slightly as I dipped a finger into the belly button.

He swallowed a bit when I moved my other hand to gently caress his cheek. I tilted his face towards me, noticing that he wouldn't look at my face, and placed a few kisses on his brow, his nose, the line of his jaw…I purposefully avoided the mouth.

I was just getting ready to mark him when suddenly he found his voice again.

"N-no, wait!" he said, pulling halfheartedly at my arm on his stomach. "Riku, wait, you can't…we have to talk about this, you can't just…" He swallowed again and started shaking, fear shining in his eyes.

I didn't want to listen to him. I wanted to ignore him and have him right that second. But if I did…the results would ultimately end up being unsavory. And I knew even Sora wouldn't be able to forgive me.

"Okay," I said, sighing resignedly. I reluctantly pulled away from Sora, who looked extremely relieved, and sat on the couch. Sora sat beside me, but a good enough distance away for me to feel a bit lonely.

There was a long silence, in which both of us studied our hands, the floor, the crack in the corner of the ceiling, whatever we could focus on besides each other. I mentally berated myself for being such an idiot. Of course Sora wouldn't be okay with that sort of thing. I had been an idiot for thinking I had any sort of shot with him.

Just when I had decided to throw myself into a ditch, Sora spoke up.

"I've…always liked you, Riku."

I shot him a shocked glance, but he was staring at his hands.

"I've had a crush on you since freshman year, but…I don't know, I was afraid of how you would react if I ever told you. I thought it went away, thought it was some silly hormonal thing, but back there, when you were touching me…" He paused and glanced up. "It felt…like I was on fire. And for a few minutes, I forgot I had a girlfriend."

I could have died with joy right there. Never had I thought I would hear that coming from his mouth. Never had I thought he would feel anything towards me besides friendship. I started to reach for him, but he held up his hand to stop me.

"But," he continued, "I do have a girlfriend. Kairi and I are dating, and I love her so much. No matter what I feel for you or…what you feel for me…" He sighed. "This is what's best for everyone. Look, let's just forget about this whole thing. You find yourself a girlfriend and you'll be fine, and I…I'll stay with Kairi. That way everyone will be happy."

I almost couldn't believe what I was hearing. Could Sora really be that dense? Could he really think it was a spur-of-the-moment, forgettable thing for me? Did he really think I'd be happy forgetting about him?

"Do you really believe that, Sora?" I said evenly, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

"Riku…"

I jumped up and started pacing in front of the couch. "I mean, I could understand how that would be a great thing for you. You get to keep your wonderful girlfriend and wonderful life, and you can just forget about your best friend who happens to think about you uncontrollably every fucking minute of every day. No, you're right. This will make _everybody _happy." I turned a hard glare to his silent form on the couch. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"

Sora shook his head slowly. "We-we shouldn't be doing this. You're upset already because of your…because of the thing with your parents…"

I pinned one of his shoulders to the couch and looked him straight in the eyes. "That has nothing to do with it," I hissed. "This has to do with you and me, and that's it."

I felt him begin to tremble beneath my hand. "I just…don't see how it would work, Riku."

I felt my anger, instead of melt at his scared tone, only increase. I cursed and squeezed his shoulder in an attempt to calm myself.

"You don't understand anything," I growled, pushing myself away from the couch and straightening up. I stormed towards the door, muttering darkly to myself. I only faintly heard Sora call my name before I was out in the rain once more, heading for the only place more hellish than this.

My parents tried to talk to me when I entered the house, but I ignored them and climbed the stairs to my room. Once inside, I locked it. I didn't want any company, not even Larxene.

I threw myself onto my bed and promptly closed the drapes so I wouldn't be tempted to look over at the house beside mine. I was so angry I wanted to break something, anything, but instead I opted for burying my face into my pillow and letting loose a stream of curses.

When all that was done, I felt a little better, but worn out. This whole day and just been shitty, and I actually couldn't wait for it to be tomorrow. I buried my head under the pillow in my arms and drifted off, managing to beat off dreams of Sora for the time being.


	8. The End of Our Troubles?

AN: Well, this took a while to write. I kept procrastinating, but at least I'm about 500 gaia gold richer! XD Oh, I'm looking for anyone willing to do any fanart of this story. If you do, I will love you forever! And if you're going to, leave me a message at my Deviantart account, which you can get to by following my homepage link. Reviewers!

Immortal Fisheh

Faye Silo

dark and light heart

Tsuzuki Misaki

Tomiko90

Kev the She-Wolf

weary seer

PhinMaginONLY

Smiley Smackdown

rebecca2200

Pirate2Love

SutZina Zion

carefreecat

Nate River18

Riku-Stalker

Faeries-Landing

animeroxs

Dead Bassline

shad0wOFn0th1ng

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Shoushin Tenshi

lL0tus

Someone has done fanart already, on Deviantart, and if you wanna see it just go to my account. It links right to there. Oh, some awesome news! I got the Garden State soundtrack!! Garden State, if you haven't seen it, is an awesome movie! It was written by Zach Braff, directed by Zach Braff, stars Zach Braff, and the soundtrack was produced by Zach Braff!! That alone makes it awesome, but the plot is so good, and as a tragedy writer I can say it definitely upheld that even though it was a sort-of romantic comedy. Check it out if you haven't seen it please.

Oh, and due to recent events: A moment of silence, please, for Heath Ledger. He was one of the best darned gay cowboys, bad boys, patriots, and creepy clowns I ever have seen. (Okay, I don't know about the last one since I haven't seen it et, but apparently he's supposed to be good in it) He will be missed.

And there's no point in keeping it a secret: Next chapter is smex.

Disclaimer: I don't own it

_

* * *

Mom took me to the park to play a lot. Sometimes I was alone, but usually there were other kids who would let me share their toys or who would participate in a game of tag._

_One day, there was only one kid there, playing in the sandbox. A woman who seemed to be his mother sat perched on the edge of the bench, ready to swoop down and save her precious chick if anything should happen to him._

_He looked to be about my age; 5 or 6. His hair was as brown as chocolate and his skin was tanned, which seemed to mean he was out here a lot. Funny, I had never seen him before. _

_I looked up at my mom, whose hand I held. She gave a small nod and a push towards the sandbox. I took a few reluctant steps forward, and plopped down into the light brown substance._

_I sat a good distance away from the other boy, eyeing him warily. He looked up at my gaze and I found myself gazing in wonderment at how blue his eyes were. He grinned broadly and handed me a small red pail filled with sand._

_I accepted it, stunned. The pail was in the shape of an upside-down castle turret, so I upended it into the box below us. Unfortunately, it didn't hold its shape and ended up as a small mound._

_I was sad that my attempt at a castle had failed, but the other boy only laughed and started filling the pail up again. I helped and soon it was full again. Then the boy turned it over and made another mound._

_He was laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. I was staring at him, wondering at how he could get so much joy out of it._

_Suddenly, there was sand everywhere. I noticed that the other boy had started throwing it in the air, still laughing. I felt a smile form on my face and joined him until it was sticking to our skin and peppering our hair._

_His mother put a stop to the fun by asking him if he wanted to go home. He nodded and grabbed my hand. _

_I found myself smiling once more._

* * *

I awoke in darkness, the contents of my dream still buzzing around in my head. I found it funny that I could still remember that day. It had been over 10 years ago.

I remembered that after that, Sora and his family moved in next door. It had been a coincidence of course, but it struck me as funny how much fate had worked in our favor.

I glanced at the digital clock on my bedside table. The numbers 3:47 cut through the darkness like a knife, burning my eyes. It was way too early to get up, but I knew I would never get back to sleep. I needed to get up and do something.

I crawled out of bed and grabbed some sweatpants and a dirty t-shirt. I hadn't been jogging in a long time, and I figured now was as good a time as any.

I snuck out into the misty dark as quietly as I could. It was eerily quiet and dark, like a ghost town. I suppose that was to be expected, since any sane person was sleeping right now. It still made me uneasy.

In my experience, jogging is a good time to think. There's only the steady sound of feet hitting the road and the feel of wind rushing by. It's a consistent act that leaves room for dazing off while your body does all the work.

As per usual, my thoughts turned to Sora. But this time, they ranged more in the fight we'd had yesterday. I had been so close…and he'd pushed me away. He'd teased me with the knowledge that he had desired me for years and then cut me down by saying he would rather be with Kairi.

It was a circumstance that made me want to cry. Like they say, so close and yet so far; that's what Sora and I were. If only he hadn't settled for Kairi, maybe it would be me…maybe…

I shook my head. I was sick of all the maybes my life had become. Everything was a maybe, there wasn't much I could claim to have that was truly mine. I had such high expectations for everything.

Maybe Sora was right. Maybe I needed to forget about him and find someone else. I cursed. There they were again, those damn maybes.

I concentrated on my run, looking around for any sign of life. I was sort-of looking for Tidus in any of the dark alleyways I reluctantly ran past. I wanted to know how he had disappeared so quickly like that before. I hadn't really thought about it at the time, since I had been slightly distracted, but it was in the back of my mind, niggling at my brain.

I finally went home, maybe an hour later. I had climbed up the stairs, ready to go inside and take a shower, when I heard a soft voice say my name.

I looked around and found Sora standing at the bottom of the porch stairs, avoiding my gaze awkwardly and cradling a bundle of clothes to his chest as if they were the most precious things in his life.

My mood dropped. "What do you want, Sora?" I sighed.

He flinched almost imperceptibly. "You…you forgot your clothes at my house yesterday," he said holding the bundle out to me. He looked up to meet my gaze and for a moment I was drawn in again by his mystifying eyes.

Shaking my head, I slowly descended the stairs and snatched the clothes from his hands, brushing against his skin as I did so. I caught the small shiver, and if I had been in a better mood I would have smirked in triumph.

"Thanks," I mumbled, turning back to head inside.

"Wait!" I turned around. Sora had climbed up a few of the stairs. He looked nervous again. "Are-are we okay, Riku?" He stared at me, his eyes pleading. "We're still friends, aren't we?"

I turned away, grasping the door handle. "You know, Sora," I said evenly, "I just don't see how we can be."

* * *

School seemed to drag on. Maybe it was because I didn't have Sora around to break up the monotony. But I refused to let myself be sucked in again. I knew that if I let him think we were okay, things would only repeat themselves. I would believe we were okay, and make another pass at him. I would get stepped on once again. To quote a certain brunette, this way everyone would be happy.

This morning when I had come into school, Kairi had seemed pissed. She didn't tell me what was wrong, but I figured it out when Sora finally came in and she started screaming at him.

Apparently, he was supposed to meet her yesterday and he never showed. Well, of course he didn't. He was with me. But I hadn't known he was supposed to be anywhere, and he certainly didn't say anything.

I suppose I should have felt guilty, but with the way I was feeling right now it was hard to.

Sora seemed out of it today. I couldn't honestly tell whether it was the fight he and Kairi had had, or if it was because of what happened yesterday. I guess it didn't matter. Selphie told me later that he and Kairi weren't speaking.

It was only a few days later that I heard they had broken up. Information that should have made me elated instead had no effect on me. And that face, that broken expression he had, didn't faze me a bit. Or so I told myself.

It's hard to stop loving someone so suddenly, even after the blow I'd taken. And as much as I told myself I hated him and was over him, the truth was that it was agony watching him suffer. I wanted to be there to comfort him, to help him through this. But I couldn't make myself do it, and for that I hated myself.

On Friday, Sora didn't come to school. Kairi seemed to hang around me a lot, and I noticed after a while that she was flirting. That struck me as odd. Kairi had never shown any interest in me before. Then it hit me: She was trying to get back at Sora. She was trying to make him sorry he'd ever done anything wrong. I considered it, but knew I would never have the energy to uphold that kind of thing.

Home was better, kind of. Mom and Dad were in separate rooms now, and usually didn't interact unless it was necessary. And thankfully, when they did, they did their best not to start fighting.

They informed me that night that Mom was going to be moving, and I was going with her. We weren't moving very far, just far enough so that she and Dad wouldn't have to deal with one another. Larxene technically wasn't part of this, since she was over 18, but she said she was staying with Dad so he wouldn't be all alone. This made me sad, since Larxene had always been there for me to talk to when I needed it, but she said I could always come over as much as I wanted. Mom and Dad weren't going to have a custody battle over me, for which I was very thankful.

Going to bed that night, I realized how weird it was that my nights were numbered in this room. It was only a matter of time before I would be under an unfamiliar roof, far away from the house I often watched outside my bedroom window to help me get to sleep. It was a depressing thought, I guess.

But, I thought, maybe this would be a good thing. This would help me get over Sora. I wouldn't see him in the morning if we "accidentally" left for school at the same time, I wouldn't be tempted to look at his window and try to catch a glimpse of any movement inside. No, this could definitely be a good thing.

As I was dozing off, a creak in the hallway jolted me awake. I laughed nervously to myself. No need to worry, I thought, it was just someone going to the bathroom. I closed my eyes again and snuggled against my pillow.

_Squeak._ There it was again, closer to my room this time. I began to get a little scared, and still tried to fight it down with rationality. Probably someone going downstairs for a late-night snack. No big deal.

I heard the gentle swish of my door opening against the carpet, and the soft click as it closed again. My heart beat at twice the normal rate. Even if it were Mom or Dad or Larxene, they wouldn't have closed the door.

Even over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears, I could hear the sound of every unsteady step the intruder took towards my bed. And somehow, I found myself unable to move. I was frozen in this position, unable to make a sound, to call for help, anything.

I felt fingers brushing through my hair and that seemed to wake me up. I fumbled on the bed so that I was sitting upright in a sort-of fighting stance, ready to take down my would-be attacker. But I didn't get a chance to, because a body barreled into my chest, knocking the wind out of me and sending me flying back on my bed.

I would have panicked, had I not recognized the mess of spikes.

"Sora?" I whispered uncertainly. He spikes moved in an undeniable nod. I sat up into an upright position and pushed Sora away from my chest to take a look at his face.

He definitely didn't look his best. Even in the dark, I could tell his eyes were read, and there were tearstain tracks down his face. Unable to stop myself, I pulled him back into an embrace and stroked his hair. Wetness on my neck informed me that he had started crying again.

"What are you doing here?" I asked softly. No berating, just curious.

Sora sniffed loudly. "I had to see you," he said, his voice trembling. "I…I don't want us to fight, Riku. You're always the one I turn to when I feel awful." He took a shuddering breath. "This whole situation between us, and the thing with Kairi…it's just too much." He pushed away to look me in the eye, ignoring the tears still streaming down his face. "I'll be anything you want me to be," he said truthfully, "Just please stay by my side."

I was a little shocked by all this. In all the time I'd known Sora, he had never seemed the type to break down like this. But maybe it was because I had always been there for him.

_I'll be anything you want me to be._

Of course I knew what that meant. He would be with me, because it's what I wanted, and he needed me. I knew it would be selfish to accept that offer. I knew I should refuse. But for some reason, I didn't. This might be my only chance, and no matter how much I knew it was a bad thing, I also knew turning it down would be stupid.

I wiped the tears away from Sora's face and laid back, pulling him down on top of me so that his head rested on my chest. I pulled the comforter over both of us and continued stroking his hair in a soothing, melodic manner until he fell asleep.

As for me, I didn't sleep a wink all night.


	9. Point of No Return

AN: I know that the scene with Larxene is a bit underdeveloped, but this chapter is mostly about the smex. So, if you'll be so kind to ignore it...that would be great. Not much to say, really, except: Do ya love me? XD If you don't understand that, then you've never watched Old Greg on youtube. I'm not going to recommend it to you, though, because nobody ever listens to my advice. Reviewers!

Immortal Fisheh

Faye Silo

dark and light heart

Tsuzuki Misaki

Tomiko90

Kev the She-Wolf

weary seer

PhinMaginONLY

Smiley Smackdown

rebecca2200

Pirate2Love

Sutzina Zion

carefreecat

Nate River18

Riku-Stalker

Faeries-Landing

animeroxs

Dead Bassline

shad0wOFn0th1ng

enix-XIII

13loves8loves9loves6

luckynumberseven77

Shoushin Tenshi

lL0tus

Heart Br0ken

Galswingirl

Smutyaoifan

Oo It just keeps growing. Not that I'm complaining or anything. I love you all. Lookie, lookie, I'm almost to 100 reviews!!! XD Party!!! I can't think of anything else to say for some reason. Except: I'm still learning when it comes to writing sex scenes. So I'm very sorry if it isn't as good as some you've seen, but I hope that won't make you guys go away because if it does it will make me very sad.

Disclaimer: I don't own it

* * *

Sora stirred at what I assumed to be maybe 10:00, shaking me out of the half-doze I'd fallen into. I ran a hand up and down his back, almost in disbelief. Last night felt like some kind of weird dream. I had expected to wake up disappointed and alone, but…he was still here. That meant it was real, right? What he said was real.

I smiled down at his peaceful face. What could he be dreaming about? I wished I could jump into his head to find out.

I grasped one of his hands, curled loosely on my chest, and pressed a kiss to it. I would make him love me, and then he wouldn't be doing this by obligation.

There was a knock on the door. "Riku?"

Oh, shit. Larxene. Quickly, I pulled the blanket up to my chin, just as she opened the door and looked in.

"Oh, you're already awake? Good. I have to leave for a job interview, are you going to be okay here all by yourself?"

I nodded, trying not to seem too suspicious. Of course, I wouldn't be alone…but she didn't need to know that.

"Okay. Mom wanted you to do some of the laundry, so don't forget about that."

"I won't," I said shortly. "Goodbye, Larxene."

She gave me a weird look and waved her hand in the barest form of a goodbye. She was just turning to leave when the bundle on my chest began to move.

I think I stopped breathing when Sora's head emerged from beneath the blanket. He regarded my look of horror with a sleepy glance then, in a sort of slow motion, turned to look at Larxene.

Her eyes were as wide as mine probably were. She glanced between Sora and I questioningly. Sora, who seemed to have realized the awkwardness of the situation, buried his head in my chest. Desperate to break the tension, I opened my mouth to explain, but Larxene threw up her hands to stop me.

"I don't want to know," she said, turning to go. "Don't forget the laundry."

Sora and I lay frozen in place, staring at the now-empty doorway. It wasn't until we heard the door close downstairs that suddenly laughter bubbled up from my chest. I knew the situation wasn't exactly funny, per se, but I guess it was the irony that got to me. Larxene had been the one to tell me to move on, forget Sora, and suddenly she finds him in my bed. This might turn out to be a good day.

Sora lifted his head and glared at me, his face still bright red. "It's not funny," he spat. "What'll your parents say when she tells them?"

I shook my head, still chuckling. "She wouldn't tell them, don't worry." I wrap my arms around them. "Besides, right now I don't care."

His face grew, if possible, redder still. He hid his face in my chest again. I smirked wickedly, noting his vulnerable position, and began to tickle his sides mercilessly.

He shrieked shrilly, much higher than a boy should go, and tried desperately to jump out of my grip. I held fast, though, and even managed to pin him beneath me.

"Riku-u-u-u!!!" He laughed shrilly. "Stop, I give, I give!!"

"Say uncle," I said smugly, enjoying this way too much than was healthy.

"Uncle!" he screeched. I finally let go and watched, slight smile still on my face, as he tried to catch his breath, grinning. He narrowed his eyes at me. "I will so get you back later."

"Oh?" I leaned closer. "And how were you planning on doing that?" The smile fell from his face as he realized the implications of those words and how close we were.

"I, uhm…well…"

"Sora…" I leaned so close that my lips were mere centimeters from his. "Just relax. I won't do anything you don't want to, I swear." I brushed my lips on the very corner of his. "So, what do you want?"

He hesitated, staring with interest at a spot on my wall. "I want…you," he finally said. "I want you to do whatever you want to me, just…" he shook his head, trailing off, and finally faced me again, forcing a grin onto his face. "If you want to go all the way, we can."

I stared at him, stunned. Surely he couldn't really mean that? But, though his eyes looked scared, there was truth in them. He wouldn't stop me. And the more I thought about it, the better an idea it seemed. If he was introduced to it early on in this relationship, if he got used to it, it wouldn't be hard to do it again later.

"You really mean that?" I asked, giving him this one chance to back out. If he did, I would wait. I would always wait.

He hesitated once more, and then nodded ferociously. "I want this," he said firmly.

I nodded and leaned down to kiss him. I didn't let it last, though, and it definitely wasn't going to be one to kick off what was about to happen.

"Be right back," I murmured, hopping off the bed.

I padded quietly to Larxene's room, and found what I was looking for almost immediately. Larxene kept a basket on her desk filled with bath salts and small bottles of lotion. I grabbed one of these bottles, looking around as if I expected her to come in. I almost laughed at the absurdity. I knew she was gone. And I knew she had enough of these not to really notice. Still, as I made my way back to my room I made ready to hide the bottle if necessary.

When I went back into the room, Sora was sitting up on the bed, shaking slightly. When he saw me, he smiled weakly. I smiled back and joined him, pulling him close for a kiss.

This one was lingering, fiery, filled with all the passion I could muster, hoping it would spill out onto him. I think I caught him off-guard, because he didn't respond right away. But soon he was as into it as I was, even wrapping his arms around my neck as if afraid I would suddenly leave.

I lapped at his lower lip with my tongue and he opened his mouth readily. He moaned into the kiss. I took that as my cue and began trailing my hands down his sides again, feeling the way his body shuddered under my fingers. I hooked onto the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, separating from the kiss for only an instant before practically lunging at him, pinning him underneath me.

Sora didn't seem to really register the change in position, which made me smirk a bit into the kiss. I let my hands trail once again, lingering over one of his nipples in a way that made him squirm.

My other hand slowly unbuttoned the jeans he had slept in, pulling them off in one quick motion so that he was laying with only his boxers on. I felt a strange sort of satisfaction at the size of the bulge in them as I broke the kiss to look. I laid a few kisses down his chest and stomach, tugging down his boxers as I went until he was naked in his full glory.

I glanced up to see that Sora's eyes were tightly squeezes shut; from embarrassment, most likely. Smiling wickedly, I ran my fingers very barely up his length. A whine escaped his mouth and he squirmed frantically. Deciding to give him a little mercy, I wrapped my hand around him and pumped.

He made a noise that sounded like a cross between a gasp and a moan, gripping the sheets tightly in his hands. I continued, transfixed, watching the way his expression changed with every stroke. It made me remember the night I had jerked him off in his sleep. But there was absolutely no comparison between then and now. This was so much better.

I removed me hand before he came, which made him whine in protest. But then I lowered my mouth onto him, and I think he might have screamed if not for the shock. It didn't take long for him to release himself into my mouth, and, out of sheer curiosity, I swallowed.

I lifted my head and watched him pant, trying to catch his breath post-orgasm, shaking like a leaf. I leaned up and kissed his neck, caressing his side soothingly.

"You…you swallowed it…" I lifted my head to look at him.

"Yeah," I said softly. "Is that okay?"

He swallowed. "Well, it was…I didn't expect it…" He shot me a nervous glance, looking away the instant our eyes connected. "What did it taste like?" he mumbled.

I shrugged nonchalantly, smirking. "Truthfully? Kind of bitter." I kissed him chastely on the lips. "Are you ready for more?"

His eyes widened slightly. "There's…more?"

I laughed at his naïveté and reached for the discarded bottle of lotion. I squeezed a small amount onto my hands. It smelled faintly of raspberries, and I inwardly hoped Sora didn't care.

I lifted his hips up on my lap, prompting for him to wrap his legs around my waist.

"Brace yourself," I said, sticking a finger into his entrance gingerly. He tensed instantly. I leaned down to kiss him.

"Relax," I whispered. "It'll go much faster."

With my help, he allowed himself to go completely limp as I stretched him. His breathing sped up when I added another, and he was completely hard again when I came into contact with his prostate.

"What," he gasped breathlessly, "Was that?"

I smirked and leaned down to kiss him. "You'll find out soon enough," I breathed, withdrawing my fingers.

I leaned back and reached into the drawer on my bedside table, pulling a condom out. Larxene had bought them for me, at the same time getting "the talk" out of the way. I vaguely thought it funny that she was more of a parent to me than either of my parents ever was.

As I rolled the condom on and greased it up with lotion, I locked onto Sora's eyes with my own and positioned myself. "I'm not going to lie to you, this will probably hurt," I said. "But I swear, I'll try to make it not."

He looked scared, but nodded. I braced his hips and leaned down for another kiss as I slowly entered him.

I met resistance almost immediately. I broke away to find Sora with his eyes clenched shut, a few tears leaking out the corners. I kissed them gently.

"You have to relax, Sora," I whispered. "It's going to be so much worse if you don't. I swear the pain won't last long." I kissed him again as if emphasizing my point.

I went slowly again and there was less resistance this time, though there was definite tensing. I didn't really know how much this hurt, but if his reaction was anything to go by it wasn't a cakewalk.

Once I was fully sheathed, I stopped and waited. It took a tremendous amount of self-control, since the feel of him around me was enough to make me feel like I was suffocating; in a good way. But I couldn't be insensitive to the obvious pain he was feeling. I contented myself with rubbing a hand up and down his thigh soothingly.

After a few minutes, Sora gave a small nod, his indication to move. I distracted him with a few kisses, trying to make him forget the pain, but nothing could compare to when I finally found that spot inside him again.

I didn't lose it after that, and soon we were nothing but tangled limbs and broken gasps and moans. In our incoherent state, it was almost difficult to tell where one of us ended and the other began. We were touching everywhere, and I couldn't remember ever being happier.

When we came, crying each other's names in a way I hoped wasn't as embarrassing as it sounded, I saw white for what felt like hours. When I came down from my high, I pulled out of Sora and rolled over next to him. I almost laughed when I realized that we were backwards on the bed; feet on the pillows, heads pillowed only by the gathered comforter.

I raised myself onto my elbow to look down at his face and his gaze, which had been fixed on the ceiling before, slid over to me. Smiling softly, I leaned over him again and pulled him into a fiery kiss that I hoped conveyed what I wanted it to.

I finally broke the kiss, taking a moment to stare at his flushed face and too-bright eyes. I waited for the feeling of disbelief to wash over me again. But it didn't come. All that there was…was this, right now. This moment I thought I would never have and had finally attained. Somehow, it felt natural. The feel of his breath mingling with mine; his skin touching mine in a way that was intimate but not in a sexual way…I never wanted this moment to end.

I pulled him to me and he buried his face in my neck. We said nothing. We didn't have to.


	10. Masters of our Destinies

AN: Looooooong chapter ahead, friends! Think of it as compensation for last weekend since I didn't update. Forgive me! Anyway, this is almost 10 pages long on Microsoft Word. It's the longest chapter I've ever done for a fanfiction, and I hope you guys really appreciate it. There's a blowjob scene in here, but it could defintiely be better. Again, I'm still learning! I still can't do sex scenes to save my life!! Reviewers!

Immortal Fisheh

Faye Silo

dark and light heart

Tsuzuki Misaki

Tomiko90

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weary seer

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carefreecat

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starlightfallen

Ohmigawd, it's getting tiresome to write all this out. x.x Not that I'm complaining about all the reviews, I love them very much. But I just wish I could copy and paste them like before. It won't let me!! Anyway, I have absolutely nothing else to say, except I'm sorry for the Romeo and Juliet thing. I couldn't resist, and it was the only line I had memorized. Oh yeah, and The Shins rule!!!! XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, The Shins, or Romeo and Juliet

* * *

Moving day was always difficult. It was made even worse by the fact that Sora came over to help me pack. Not that I would mind normally, but my parents were around my hands, which were much more interested in quite different activities, had to be kept in motion constantly. 

"I can't believe you're leaving," Sora said, wrapping his arms around me and laying his head on my back. I chuckled and scratched the back of his hand with my free one as I stuffed my pillows into a cardboard box.

"It's not that far; a mile at the most."

He groaned. "It might as well be a whole other island. We've lived next to each other as long as I can remember." He kissed my neck at the nape. "I'll miss you," he murmured.

My heart swelled and I pushed him away before I was tempted to kiss him senseless. "At this rate, I'll never finish," I said jokingly. Secretly, I was thrilled. I had been afraid before that sleeping with Sora was going too fast, and that he would shy away from me. But it had been great; in the last two weeks, Sora had jumped completely on board with this whole thing. He was as affectionate as could be expected and, to my delight, often initiated heavy make-out sessions. All in private, of course.

Ever since the first time, though, we haven't really engaged in anything…well, physical. Not that I hadn't tried, God knows I thought about it enough. But Sora always seemed reluctant, so I made myself hold back.

Other than that, he seemed happy. At least, I hoped he was.

"I hope you never finish," Sora said, wriggling his way into my grasp and resting his head in the crook of my neck. I smiled as the spikes tickled my face. "You wouldn't be able to leave," Sora finished emphatically. My heart jumped and I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I kissed his chocolate hair.

"We'll see each other just as often," I whispered in his ear. "I promise."

"Jeez, get a room you two." I felt Sora tense beneath me, and if not for my death-grip on him I'm sure he would have jumped well away from me. I turned to grin at Larxene standing in the doorway, an empty box in each hand. She was trying to look patronizing, but the amused smirk creeping up her face ruined that effect somewhat.

"We had one," I retorted, "Before you so rudely inhabited it."

Her smirk widened. "Someone has to keep you two in check. Who knows what kind of appalling things you could be doing up here?" She winked playfully. "Besides, mom and dad are downstairs." Suddenly serious, she fixed me with a meaningful look. I nodded and released Sora, who rocked back on his heels against the box in front of me. I noticed with some degree of amusement that a light blush tinted his cheeks.

I turned back to Larxene. "Wanna help?" I said, gesturing to the nearly empty room. I found myself gazing around forlornly at the whitewashed walls, lighter in places that pictures and posters used to inhabit. My gaze settled on the window about the niche my bed used to inhabit. I smiled sadly. I would probably never stare out that window again, over at the house opposite. At night, I wouldn't be able to use it as an anchor when I couldn't sleep.

Sora passed in front my vision, and my melancholy mood broke. None of that mattered, as long as I had him with me now. I didn't have to pretend anymore, and I'm sure this was a more than fair substitute for the view.

"It looks like you have it covered," Larxene said, breaking me from my thoughts. She sat down against a wall. "But I suppose I could keep you guys company." I smiled and continued packing, not even caring where everything ended up.

After a few moments of silent packing, I asked Larxene how work was going. She had gotten a job at a restaurant, which I thought was amusing to no end. Hartsol, I think it was called.

"It's going great," she gushed. "I told you about that cute redhead, didn't I?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Yes, Larx, you did. Axel, wasn't it?"

She grinned and stared at the ceiling, a dreamy look on her face. "Mmhmm. He's amazing, Riku, seriously. He's the best cook I've ever seen. He's only been there a few months and the higher-ups are thinking of making him head chef."

"That's great," I said vaguely.

"Yeah, if it wasn't so obvious he was gay, I would ask him out in a heartbeat."

I laughed. "Larxene, you think everyone's gay."

"I mean it. There's this blonde guy that keeps coming to visit him all the time. Axel says they best friends, but I sense something more." She pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I'm not the only one who thinks so, either. Believe me, it's great gossip material."

"Leave the poor guy alone," I said, shaking my head. "Seems like he has a lot to deal with without you blabbing to the whole world."

"Riku!" My mom's voice called from downstairs. "Are you ready to go?" I sighed and picked up a box full of stuff.

"Help me carry these?" I asked hopefully. Sora and Larxene nodded, grabbing a box of their own and following me downstairs and out to the mover's truck. When it was all loaded, and mom was sitting in the driver's seat ready to go, I turned and hugged my sister.

"Take care of dad," I said. "God knows he won't be able to handle himself alone." I detached myself from her and moved to Sora, whom I squeezed tighter. He squeezed back, almost hard enough to knock my breath away. "I'll be back tomorrow, once we get settled in." Larxene stepped in front of us, blocking the view for mom and allowing me to kiss his neck. "See you soon, okay?"

Sora just nodded as I pulled away from the hug. He waved as I hopped into the truck, and was still waving until the truck turned a corner and was out of sight of the house. I sighed and sat back in my seat.

"Don't worry," my mom said, smiling serenely. "It's not that far away. You'll still see Sora in school." She laid a hand on my arm. "There's a wonderful view of the sea from our new house, and this cute little islet not too far away."

"Yeah," I grumbled, not really in the mood for talking. Thankfully, she didn't seem intent on continuing the conversation.

* * *

The house didn't seem all that bad, really. It was actually pretty nice, but maybe I just didn't feel in the mood to admire its exterior beauty. I was slightly surprised to find that my bed had already been moved into my new room, but not much else. It was almost depressing how empty it was. I grimaced when I realized it didn't have its own bathroom, like my one back home. That would be a difficult adjustment. 

Carrying the stuff in from the truck didn't take all that long, since the major stuff was already here, but by the time I had unpacked everything, frustrated when I couldn't find enough wall space for my favorite Shins poster, I was completely exhausted.

There was no time to sleep, however, since mom needed my help moving a few things down to the basement. While I was down there, I found some sort of makeshift wooden boat. It was a few inches deep with wings on either end to keep it balanced. Two notches on either side showed where the oars, which were small things that also seemed homemade, were meant to go. I was studying it when my mom came downstairs.

"What are you looking at?" She said, coming up beside me to look. She fingered the small boat and wrinkled her nose. "It looks old, Riku. Probably infested with termites. Do me a favor and take it to the curb, okay?" I hauled the thing onto my back and took it upstairs, rolling my eyes. Nothing seemed wrong with it to me. It looked like it was in great condition.

Once outside, I caught a glimpse of that "cute little islet" my mom had mentioned before. It wasn't far away at all. Actually, it looked close enough to row to. I glanced at the boat on my back and an idea formed in my head. I dropped the thing on the ground and hid it under the porch, heading back inside.

* * *

I was so exhausted that as soon as I pulled the sheets and comforter onto my bed I crawled into it and went to sleep. Never mind that it was 5:00 in the evening. If my mom needed any more help, she would have to wait until tomorrow. I couldn't keep my eyes open. 

When I woke up, it was just after 11:30 PM. I sat up and stretched. That was just what I needed. I felt refreshed and ready to put my plan into motion. The house was silent and, when I peeked outside my room, dark. That meant my mom had gone to sleep. I quickly dressed in my normal dark cargo pants and white vest and snuck out into the night.

It was eerie, being out at night. On an island with no nightlife, everyone turned in early. Not that I never been out here alone, but it never ceased to amaze me just how quiet it could be. As opposed, of course, to the daytime when the sounds of laughing and playing from the overabundance of kids could be heard wherever you went.

The walk to Sora's took longer than I expected, but when I got there I was pleased to note that the lights were still on. I almost went up to the door, but then realized how weird it would be to just show up at night uninvited.

Looking around, I located a stone and threw it gently at the window to Sora's bedroom. Then I quickly hid in some bushes, just in case Roxas looked outside instead of Sora.

I was lucky. The window was pushed up and a chocolate head looked out warily. I grinned as I saw the confused look on his face. This was too good to pass up.

"But soft," I said, loud enough for him to hear. My grin widened as his head whipped in my direction, looking for the source of the voice. "What light form yonder window breaks? It is the East, and…ow!" I rubbed my head, where a book Sora had thrown hit me.

"Riku," Sora hissed angrily. "If that's you, you had better show yourself right now!"

Smiling sheepishly, I stood from the bushes, my hands spread defensively. "It's me, it's me," I laughed. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

Sora glared at me, his eyes burning with anger and, I noted contentedly, some amusement. "What are you doing here?" He said in a low voice, just loud enough for me to hear.

I shrugged. "I wanted to ask if you would go on a nighttime adventure with me. Unless, of course, you have something better to do." He looked around behind him, and then back down at me.

"What kind of adventure?"

I shook my head. "Nuh-uh, don't ruin the surprise. You have to come with me to find out."

He bit his lip thoughtfully and then disappeared. For a minute, I was stunned, thinking he had rejected my offer. But I was relieved when the lights went off and he started climbing down. I took the opportunity to admire his ass in the seemingly-too-tight jeans he was wearing.

I caught him as he jumped to the ground and grinned. "Well, what do we have here? Seems an angel's fallen from the sky." He blushed and whacked me on the head, making me put his down.

"I wish you wouldn't do stuff like that," he mumbled. "You know how much I hate it."

I said nothing to that comment, only grabbed his hand in mine, entwining my fingers with his. "Come on, let's go before the wind picks up."

We walked in silence, me reveling in the freedom an empty town provided. With no one around, Sora didn't pull his hand out of my grasp. And he didn't protest when I stole small kisses. It made me feel like Sora and I were the only two people on the whole island. It made me feel happy.

When we reached my house, I released Sora's hand and pulled the boat out from its hiding place. I told Sora to grab the oars and headed down towards the water, which was thankfully calm.

Realization seemed to dawn on Sora when he caught sight of the small islet. "We're going there?" He asked nervously.

"Yep," I said, pushing the boat into the water.

"Isn't it a little far?"

I turned to find Sora with a blush on his cheeks, fear glinting in his eyes. I pulled him to me and laid a kiss on his forehead. "I won't let anything happen to you, I promise." I smiled reassuringly. Sighing, he got into the boat.

The trip over was as uneventful as I thought it would be. True, Sora gripping the sides for dear life made me fear for the life of the boat, but other than that everything was smooth sailing.

Sora stepped out of the boat gratefully, if not altogether gracefully. His legs were wobbling and I had to support him for a few minutes until he finally calmed down.

When he said he was all right, I grabbed his hand again and led him down the beach. I didn't know where I was going, but I figured I would find something on this tiny spit of land that was worthwhile.

I wasn't disappointed. After a few minutes, we came across a small plateau with vines crawling up the sides. I helped Sora climb up and then followed, staring around in appreciation. The whole patch of land had a few palm trees growing on one side. On the other side, a tree that grew sideways with star-shaped yellow fruits growing from the branches looked like it might make a nice bench.

Sora had sat down on the tree, staring up at the weird fruit. I pulled myself up and sat beside him.

"Want one?" I asked, sliding my arm around his waist.

He shrugged slowly. "I don't know, they might be poisonous."

"They don't look poisonous." I frowned. "I can get one for you."

He shook his head. "No, it's all right. We shouldn't eat them if we don't know what they are." He glanced at me, and I could sense the lie in his voice.

I rolled my eyes and stood up, balancing along the tree and reaching up, plucking one of the fruits from the branch. I plopped down next to Sora and tentatively bit down on it.

Unfortunately, it was all rubbery, like a banana. Frowning again, I picked at it until some of the skin came off. Underneath, it was a tinged-blue white color. Peeling some more, I took a tiny bite from the tip.

It wasn't bad. It tasted like every tropical fruit ever thought of combined into one. I waited to see if there would be any weird effects, but, when after a few minutes nothing had happened, I concluded that this was a perfectly safe fruit.

"It's good," I said, handing the remains to Sora. He took a bite of it and his face lit up. We tossed it back and forth, taking a bite each, until it was completely gone. I threw the peel into the sea and sat on the ground with my back to the strange tree. Sora sat next to me and, to my surprise, laid his head in my lap.

I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair, watching the sea and our island, which seemed farther away. We sat like that for a while, just reveling in each other's presence. At least something good had come of this move. This could be our place. Here, we wouldn't have to worry about our parents or the rest of the world. Here we could pretend we were the only two people alive, masters of our own destiny and life. We could do and say whatever we wanted, without the constant fear of being found out.

We could be happy.

"Hey, Riku?"

"Hm?"

"Why'd you bring me out here tonight?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I thought it would be a nice way to be alone with you. Do you not like it?"

"No, I do," he said. "It's nice here. But…" He shifted on my lap so that he was laying on his back, staring up at me. I stared back. "Why me?"

I laughed slightly. He flushed and looked away, but I turned his head back towards me. "Why you?" I said. "Shouldn't that be kind of obvious?" I leaned down to kiss him deeply.

"Because I love you, silly," I said breathlessly when I pulled away.

Sora blinked and averted his gaze again, staring up at the sky. I was transfixed by the stars reflecting in his bright blue eyes and had to fight to keep from kissing him again.

He took a deep breath. "Riku…"

"You don't have to say anything now," I said, waving whatever he was going to say away.

He looked a little disappointed when he turned his gaze back towards me. "How can you be so patient like that? I mean, before…when we had that fight…"

"I was selfish then," I said, shrugging. "I thought I had a right to be with you, regardless. But now that I have you…I have no reason to be selfish anymore." I smiled. "It feels really good, Sora."

He smiled in return and sat up, pulling me into a kiss. It wasn't long before he was probing, searching for entrance with his tongue. I allowed him to dominate somewhat, laying full claim to my mouth while I did the same to him.

I got lost, as I usually did, in the feeling of his mouth and his arms as they wrapped around my neck as I held him firmly by the hips. So it took me a few seconds to realize it when he laid me back and began unbuttoning my pants.

I sat up on my elbows. "Sora?"

He pushed me back down. "Just lay back and relax, Riku."

Realization dawned and I sat up again. "You don't have to…"

"I want to," he said sincerely, meeting my gaze. "Please, let me do this."

I hesitated slightly, then nodded and laid back, trying to calm my erratically beating heart and the throbbing in my groin.

The air wasn't cold, but I still shivered when my pants were unzipped and my half-erection was exposed to the air. I let out a small moan when Sora reached his hand in and pulled it out fully, pumping it a few times to full hardness.

I swallowed a thick lump of groans and curses stuck in my throat as I saw Sora lower his head towards the most sensitive part of me. He had a nervous expression on his face, unsure.

"Sora, you don't have to do this," I repeated.

His gaze flicked up towards me for a second, challenging, and then his closed his mouth around me, going deep. I let out a gasp and shuddered, accidentally bucking up into Sora's mouth. He gagged and shot back up, blushing deeply.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, biting one of his knuckles nervously. The whole scene was just so cute, I could help but smile.

"Watch out for the gag reflex," I warned jokingly. "Don't take on so much next time."

"Yeah…" He said, leaning down again. "Are you going to…ya know…" he looked embarrassed again, "Buck into my mouth again?"

"Hold down my hips," I suggested. "I can't promise I'll be able to control myself."

He complied and leaned down again, licking the tip tentatively. I hissed.

"God, yes," I breathed.

Taking this as a good sign apparently, Sora went down a little further, sucking gently. I let out a little gasp of pleasure and fisted the dirt below me, pulling clumps up into my hands and leaving shallow holes.

I kept my gaze trained on the starry sky, because I knew that if I looked down at the chocolate head bobbing up and down between my legs I wouldn't be able to hang on.

I groaned as Sora ran his tongue up the vein on the underside, the part that was ultra-sensitive. For being his first time, he was very good at this. Maybe there was something to what Tidus had said.

Sora wrapped his hand around the parts he couldn't reach with him mouth and pumped. Sparks exploded behind my eyes, and I made the mistake of glancing down; mistake. Sora was staring up at me with lust-filled eyes, somehow managing to stay in complete control of the whole situation.

My breathing sped up and I clenched my eyes shut, feeling release not to far off. "S-Sora," I gasped by way of warning. He seemed to take the hint, because he sped up his efforts.

My head fell back and I arched up as orgasm hit. I was vaguely aware of Sora moving away, but my pleasure-baked brain was too busy to truly notice it.

As I caught my breath, laying limply on the ground, I felt Sora wriggle up next to me, laying his head on my chest. I possessed the state of mind to wrap one arm around him, pulling him as close as possible tightly.

When I came fully down from my high, I kissed Sora on the top of his head. He looked up at me.

"Did I do well?" He asked hesitantly. I smiled at him and nodded.

"Good," he said, seeming relieved. "I wanted to swallow like you had, but…I sort of chickened out last-minute."

I ruffled his hair affectionately. "You are too cute, Sora. God, I love you."

He sat up slightly and looked at me, a defiant look in his eyes. He leaned forward and kissed me lingeringly.

"I love you too," he said in a low voice, dropping it as if it were a secret. "I mean it, really. I love you Riku."

I smiled and ran a hand up and down his back. "That means a lot coming from you, Sora. You don't know how long I've wanted to hear you say that."

We laid there for a while, Sora practically on top of me, just enjoying each other's company. I became aware of Sora's breathing becoming more even and I realized he had begun to doze. But I had no intention of waking him. Not yet. Nobody would miss us. We were the masters of our own destiny, in love and together, happy.

They couldn't touch us here.


	11. A Dual Tone Under Wall

AN: Okay, so you guys are gonna hate me after this. But just remember, it needed to happen. I can't sacrifice plot for personal interest. Just keep this in mind, and remember what happened in Attempted Suicide. I swear it's not the end. Reviewers!

Immortal Fisheh

Faye Silo

dark and light heart

Tsuzuki Misaki

Tomiko90

Kev the She-Wolf

weary seer

PhinMaginONLY

Smiley Smackdown

rebecca2200

Pirate2Love

Sutzina Zion

carefreecat

Nate River18

Riku-Stalker

Faeries-Landing

animeroxs

Dead Bassline

shad0wOFn0th1ng

enix-XIII

13loves8loves9loves6

luckynumberseven77

Shoushin Tenshi

lL0tus

Heart Br0ken

Galswingirl

Smutyaoifan

MunchoNoYaoiStyle

FellowWithTheNeedle

starlightfallen

Schectersona

autumnlove113

I've found out something unbelievably exciting!! I was checking out my stats a few days ago, and found out that Attempted Suicide has over 27,000 hits! O.o I almost died right there. And then I found out that it was in 2 community categories: Best of the Best Slash Fiction and Favorite Complete Stories. If this is in any way normal, please don't tell me. I got an amazing ego boost and have been writing like crazy. It would do no good to bring me down. Anyway, even if you hate me afterwards, I hope you enjoy!

Oh, and sidenote: The title of this chapter is from a line in the song Australia by The Shins

Disclaimer: I don't own it

* * *

Most kids like it when their birthday comes around. It's the one day a year they can look forward to that they get gifts, money, attention; much more than any other time of year.

Me, not so much.

It's not that I absolutely hated my birthday, but every year my mom threw me a huge "surprise" party. As if it was still a surprise by this point. No, I expected it every bit, and could probably recite the guest list without even having to look at it. Sora was usually employed to distract me while everyone set up, but this time it was Larxene who was doing the job. She took me to the restaurant where she worked, positively hyperventilating about the quality.

The food was definitely good, but not exactly like the food of the gods I had imagined. I should have known that my drama-queen sister would blow everything way out of proportion.

"Are you enjoying your meals?"

I looked up to find our waiter, a British blonde man Larxene had informed me was named Luxord, hovering over us with an obviously fake smile on his face. Larxene countered with one of her own.

"Yes, Luxord, it's amazing. Give my compliments to Axel, would you?"

He promised he would, but his body language just screamed that he didn't really give a damn. I grimaced at him when he turned away and went back to my food.

"That guy is just a closet-case waiting to happen," Larxene said, taking a sip of her coke. "So, you and Sora have plans today?"

I shrugged. "If I can get away from mom, I'm sure I'll find something." In fact, I had a very specific something in mind.

Sora had become gradually more comfortable with the physical stuff the last few months, and, to my great enjoyment, we had had sex more times than I dared to count. It was going to be torture getting through today if I couldn't at least touch him in private.

"Right…" Larxene said, making a face at what I assumed were disturbing mental images. "I don't want to know. Anyway, what do you want to do next? I promised mom I wouldn't take you back until they're all set up."

I shrugged. Truthfully, I would rather be out with Sora right now. But he was unfortunately recruited by my mom to help set things up so I was stuck without him for a good part of the day.

"Oh, I know!" Larxene said, her eyes shining brightly. "Why don't you come meet Axel? I'm sure he'd love you!"

I opened my mouth to protest against it, but thankfully I didn't need to. Larxene's phone started ringing in her pocket, and it was with some reluctance that she pulled it out and held it to her ear.

"Hello? Yeah, okay. We'll be there soon. Bye."

She sighed unhappily. "Come on, it's time."

I grumbled a little, grateful I didn't have to meet this Axel character but still not looking forward to the headache that would be today. I crossed my fingers and begged for today to go quickly.

---

It was as atrocious as I'd thought it would be. The whole jumping out from behind bushes and protrusions thing and yelling "Surprise!" was getting old by this time. In an effort to be different, and I guess because today was such a nice day, mom had set up everything outside.

I could smell burgers, hot dogs, and even ribs cooking on the grill, and the background scent of roasted pineapple and bananas. Grudgingly, I admitted that the food made it all worth it. My mom always made my favorites on my birthday, including her world-famous potato salad.

I was sort of passed around to everyone, like a giant party favor. I met with all my friends and family members that could make it, and even some people I couldn't remember ever meeting before. Strangely, the one person I was looking for didn't seem to be around. He was probably hiding from Kairi, who was by the house chatting up one of my cousins.

"Hey, where's Sora?" I asked my mom, who was busy on the grill.

"Uhm…I think he went around back. Said he had some special surprise for your birthday."

I couldn't keep the smile from spreading across my face as I thought of the possibilities of those words. But I tried to squelch it, reasoning that it could easily be something completely different.

I made my way to the back of the house and found Sora there, leaning against the house with his arms folded. A smile spread across his face when he noticed me, and he pushed himself away from the back wall to meet with me halfway.

"Finally," he said, kissing me. "I thought you weren't coming."

"I only just found out you were back here," I said, grinning and wrapping my arms around his waist. "So, what is this 'special surprise' you have for me?"

Sora hooded his eyes seductively and leaned up to pull me into a languid kiss. My heart stuttered at that and I pressed as close as I possibly could, wishing with all my heart I could get closer to him; to feel the part of him that made him Sora, the boy I was desperately in love with.

When Sora finally pulled away, face flushed and panting, he grinned. "That wasn't actually it. Think of that as a bonus."

_Oh, I will,_ I thought as I waited, dazed.

Sora pulled away from me with some reluctance and went to stand beside something covered with a sheet. It was sort of biggish, so I could understand why he hadn't wrapped it.

"This is what I wanted to give you," Sora said, grinning. "Go on, see what it is."

Frowning, I leaned over to pull the sheet off and gasped as it revealed a beautiful boat painted glossy red and white. It was definitely made for two people, and the oars matched the boat perfectly.

"Sora," I said, "Where…?"

"I made it," Sora said proudly. "Well…I didn't do it alone. I had some help from Leon at the hardware store."

I grinned. I remembered Leon. He and I had never really spent much time together, but he had been like an older brother to Sora for years. And if Leon had helped, it was definitely a sturdy vessel.

"I don't know what to say," I said, staring at the beautiful boat.

Sora grinned and stepped closer so I could wrap an arm around his shoulders. "You could always say, 'Thank you, Sora, for the wonderful gift.'"

I smirked. "Thank you for the wonderful gift," I said, kissing the top of his head. I glanced out at the sea and the small island; our island. "Wanna take it for a test run?" I said, smirking wickedly.

---

The boat ran a lot smoother than the little one we always used. And maybe it was my imagination, but it seemed to me that Sora was a lot less nervous in it. When we reached land, he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"You know," he said silkily, "The boat wasn't the only special surprise I had planned." I had to fight back the shiver at his words and bent down to claim his mouth.

I laid Sora out on the sand, straddling him gently. I kissed him fiercely, again faced with the overwhelming urge to get as close to him as possible. My hands roamed over every inch of skin I could reach, trying to remove the vexing shirt without breaking the kiss.

I gave up eventually and moved to his pants, unzipping and yanking them down in one fluid movement. They landed with a soft thump on the sand a few feet away. His boxer's weren't so lucky; they landed half in the water.

I pulled away when air became an issue and took the opportunity to get the shirt off of my smaller lover. I pulled my own shirt off as I felt him quickly working on my pants.

I wanted to take it slow, to enjoy it as much as possible, but I was being overwhelmed by the feel of his hot skin under my fingers and his hands skimming the most sensitive part of me as my pants and boxers were discarded. I need to be inside him, now.

"Condom," I gasped, latching onto his chest and sucking.

He moaned. "In my…p-pocket," he said shakily, gesturing vaguely in the direction I threw his pants. I practically lunged for them and found the small package quickly. Any minute I was away from him was torture.

I took a few minutes to prepare him, using spit as lubrication, but his moans and gasps nearly pushed me over the edge. I stopped before I was truly sure he was completely prepared, but I knew he would be okay.

I pulled him up and closer to me, pulling him half onto my lap. He took the hint and wrapped his arms around my neck. He took a deep breath without having to be reminded and lowered himself onto me with a small grimace of pain.

A little worried, I forced myself to stay absolutely still. But then Sora started moving and I couldn't stop myself from thrusting upwards into him with a loud moan.

The rest was a complete blur, except for the end which was clear as glass. The complete ecstasy that ran through my veins at the feel of skin against skin when orgasm hit was such that I knew I would never achieve with anyone else. Here, I had found the only person I ever wanted to spend my life with, and at that moment it felt like I would.

When we came down from the high, I kissed Sora's neck gently.

"I love you," I mumbled to him. He answered me readily, and pulled my face to his for a deep kiss.

"We should get back," Sora said reluctantly, not moving one inch from where he was.

"Yeah," I agreed, kissing his jaw. I kissed along the rest of his face until I reached his mouth. We kissed again, languidly, our tongues dancing together passionately. I felt myself harden the very slightest bit, and Sora pulled away.

"Okay, we really have to get back," he said amusedly. "I only brought one condom, and I'd also like to be able to walk." He kissed my nose. "Besides, someone must have missed you by now. It is your party after all."

I sighed. "I would rather be out here with you any day than be there pretending I care about some dumb birthday celebration." However, I couldn't deny the logic of his argument. If someone found out that we were both missing, rumors might begin to fly. And even though they would be true, I didn't want to put Sora through all that crap. So, reluctantly, we washed ourselves off in the water and redressed.

I smirked as I noticed Sora put on his pants without his boxers, which he hid underneath the dock. "Your ass looks nice when there are only jeans covering them," I said happily, grabbing said ass. Sora yelped and jumped away, covering his butt with his hands and blushing furiously.

"You're a perv," he said, whacking me with a fist. It didn't hurt.

"Of course," I said seductively, drawing him closer to me and burying my nose in his hair. "But I'm your perv."

Sora shook his head disbelievingly. "Let's go," he said, making his way back to the boat and doing his best to look indignant. I didn't miss the smile on his face, though, and matched it with one of my own as I joined him.

---

The day after my birthday is always a relief. Nobody bothers me anymore, and I'm free to walk into a room without a million people wishing me a happy birthday. Not to mention, nobody annoys me at lunch any more.

I ate lunch with Sora every day. Occasionally, some of our other friends would join us, but since neither of us really paid much attention to them they usually went off on their own.

I was in the middle of making plans with Sora to go see a movie during the weekend when someone came to our table that was unwelcome on all fronts; Kairi.

"Hey, Sora, Riku," she said shyly, playing with her hair in a way I knew she did when she was undeniably nervous. I forced my face to fall into a friendly, relaxed state as I waited patiently for her to state the business of her arrival. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sora stare at her tensely.

"Uhm…I wanted to know if I could speak to Sora in private?" she said, directing the question towards me. I shrugged, and gestured towards the frozen figure sitting across from me. She turned her inquisitive gaze towards him and he nodded, standing up awkwardly from the table.

I watched them move away across the lunchroom. I forced myself to eat my lunch, cursing the fact that I couldn't hear what they were saying. It felt like an eternity before Sora sat back down again, a dazed look on his face.

"So what did she say?" I asked, curiosity burning.

He shook his head slowly. "I'll tell you later, okay?" I couldn't get any more conversation out of him than that, and we spent the rest of lunch in silence.

---

Sora came to my house after school, and on the walk there he chattered on and on about meaningless stuff. I pretended to listen, but my mind was occupied with worry about what I knew needed to be said. By his reaction, I knew it had to be bad.

When we reached my house, I was relieved to find the house empty. Thinking I could maybe soften the blow of what was to come, I pulled Sora to me in a kiss.

For the first time since we'd been together, Sora pushed me away. He looked down at the ground guiltily. "We have to…talk first, okay?"

Stunned, I nodded and followed him to the couch.

We sat next to each other, but with an obvious gap between us. I felt an impending sense of doom at the déjà vu, and sat rigidly with my hands clasped between my knees so I wouldn't be tempted to cover my ears and avoid what Sora had to tell me.

"So…you know how Kairi wanted to talk to me today, right?" he asked rhetorically, watching me. I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"She and I, well…we have a lot of history together. I really, really love her, Riku."

_So do we,_ I wanted to say. _And you love me too, don't you? Say it, say you love me…_

"Anyway, she told me she had made a mistake by breaking up with me and asked if I wanted to get back together."

I clenched my eyes shut. I so badly wanted to protest against this, to say he was mine now and it was just too damn bad that she suddenly decided she wanted him back now. But my mouth wouldn't open, wouldn't form the words. I could only sit, still as a statue, and force myself to breathe.

"I said…I would have to think on it."

My breath caught and my gaze snapped up to his. Maybe there was hope after all. "Why?" I asked.

He took a deep breath. "Because I love you too much to be with her while I was with you." I felt my body relax, and let out a breath I had been holding in a whoosh. I slid closer to him, reaching my arms out for an embrace, but he held out his hand to stop me.

"I'm not finished," he said quietly. "I can't be with her while I'm with you, so…we have to break up."

My heart could have shriveled up and fallen to the bottom of my ribcage, and I probably wouldn't have noticed it. I stared at him openmouthed, shocked, hoping against hope that this was all a bad dream I would wake up from. I pleaded with my eyes at him, but he averted his gaze, staring down at the carpet.

"I hope…we can still be friends…?" He made it a question and tentatively glanced up at me. Still in shock, I nodded dumbly. He grinned widely and I felt like I might die.

"Thank you," Sora said, leaning forward as if he would kiss me. He stopped last minute and pulled back, instead waving slightly. "I'd better go. I promised Kairi I would call her tonight." He stood up. "I'll see you later, Riku."

I watched him leave, and for a few minutes I sat in shock, staring at the door unbelievingly. Then it really hit me, with a crippling intensity that I would never have believed possible. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

The tears came first, in harsh sobs that made it fell like claws were dragging against my throat. I wrapped my arms around my knees, pulling them tightly against my chest in a fetal position. It was an attempt to keep myself from falling apart, but it did no good anyway.

"You're such a liar, Sora," I gasped, talking to no one. I cursed his name over and over again through the tears, but simultaneously begged for him to come back and tell me he had made a mistake.

I'd forgotten how much sobbing really wore someone out. As bad as I felt, I couldn't ignore the pull of exhaustion. So I let myself fall into a restless sleep grudgingly, wishing with all my heart that I would die in my sleep.


	12. Break Before They Bend

AN: Sorry I didn't update last week. And sorry for the crappy chapter. I was sick last week and had writer's block this week.

Also, sorry but I'm not listing the reviewers this chapter. I got no new ones, so the list is the same as the last one. Plus, something happened while I was writing out the Author's Notes. I wrote everything out and it didn't save so everything was lost. I don't want to do it again.

I'm going to write a story on Fiction Press titled Dusk and Apples if I can't think of a better title. It's a guylove vampire story. I hope some of you go check it out when I write it, hopefully tomorrow or sometime next week. My name is exactly the same there as here. Anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own it

* * *

"Riku? Riku, sweetie, wake up."

I groaned, throwing an arm over my eyes in blatant defiance of the hands shaking me. My back and neck hurt, not to mention my throat felt like someone had shoved a red-hot poker down it. I was in no mood to get up.

"Riku, get up this instant." I felt myself being shaken harder, so that I was forced to open my eyes. I kept them at slits, hoping that the glare would have the full effect with so little visual.

My mother was standing over me, hands on her hips. I gradually became aware that I was not in my room sleeping, but out in the living room. Well, that at least explained the body pains.

"It's late. What are you doing sleeping out here?"

I struggled to remember, but my mind slipped around it every time. I kept coming up blank, and simply shook my head dazedly. What kind of person is expected to think clearly after just waking up?

"Well, you need to get upstairs and get into bed. You'll catch a cold out here."

I was in no mood to protest. My bed was much more comfortable, and if it got me away from my mother then I would gladly go. I mumbled a quick "'Night," before stumbling up the stairs clumsily.

I fell readily into bed, relaxing as soon as my head hit the pillow. Why had I been downstairs anyway? This was much more comfortable. I couldn't recall…

And then it hit me, knocked the breath out of my as my eyes snapped open in realization. I clutched my pillow tightly, waiting for the sobs from before, the horrible crushing depression. But it didn't come this time. This time all that came was the feeling of emptiness in my chest. It felt like my heart had been removed, as cliché as I knew that sounded.

Why?

That was the only thing I could think. He had told me he loved me. He had let me touch him; had allowed me to be closer than, I suspected, anyone ever had. So why, then, did he think he could leave just like that and expect me to be okay?

I curled into a tight ball, hands clutched above my head, knees on my chest. I couldn't cry, but small gasps would escape my lips every so often in a semblance of sobs. I hated it; it made me feel too weak.

I couldn't fall asleep, so I simply laid there for hours on end, desperately trying not to think of the brunette that I'd been with only a few days ago.

It wasn't fair. I was entitled to some happiness in my life, wasn't I? Sora had been all I needed, and now he was gone.

I think I might have dozed a little, but I was still aware of the minutes ticking by so slowly I could have destroyed that damn clock. When my alarm rang for me to get up, I simply turned it off and rolled onto my other side. No way was I leaving this bed.

My mom, on her way out the door, noticed I wasn't up and came into my room.

"Riku? Time for school…"

"I'm sick," I answered quickly, not even bothering with the pretend sore throat or weak voice. If she didn't call me off, I would skip.

She came into my room and sat on the edge of my bed, pressing a hand to my forehead. There were a few seconds of silence before she 'hmm-ed' and said, "Well, you do feel a little warm. I'll call the school. Feel better, okay?" She leaned down to kiss my cheek and then, thankfully, left.

I curled up into a little ball under the blankets, inexplicably angry. Though I couldn't tell if it was because my mom was for once in her life acting like a mom or that she wasn't doing it well enough. I childishly rubbed at my cheek violently, as if by mere force I could wipe away the small kiss. It didn't matter anyway; no matter how many times my mom kissed me, or called me sweetie, I would fight her every step of the way. It was too late for her to start caring now, and if I had anything to say about it we would be strangers when I finally left home.

I might have laid in bed for hours, or even mere minutes for all my sense of time. Either way, I was suddenly struck with the strong urge to get up and move. I felt fidgety, restless. Throwing off the blankets with perhaps more force than necessary, I grabbed the first clothes my hands touch and put them on. I moved in a haze, barely noticing what I was doing until I was out the door.

Almost in a confused way, I looked around. I realized just then that I had absolutely no idea where to go. I considered the islet just off shore, but the idea made my heart clench painfully; definitely a no.

My legs moved of their own accord, bringing me down off the porch and into the street, ambling down it at a slow pace. I let them take me where they would.

My mind was a thankfully empty buzz as I walked through the empty town. Thoughts of Sora were kept locked away in a tiny box in the back of my head, to be released far from now. My mother was also a low priority in my mind, taking a backseat to thoughts about the birds flying around and the smell of the ocean from here.

I don't know how I got there, but I found myself at the restaurant Larxene worked at. I went in without a second thought. With any luck, Larxene wouldn't be there.

I wasn't a very lucky person, it seemed. She was busting tables when I came in, and looked up as the bell rang. Her mouth sort of dropped open in a look of surprise.

"Riku? What are you doing here?"

I shrugged and sat in a random booth. Unfortunately, she didn't take the hint and sat across from me.

"Why aren't you in school? You look awful, Riku…"

"Didn't fell well," I mumbled, laying my head down in my arms. Larxene felt my forehead, like my mom had. Somehow, when she did it, it seemed a lot more sincere.

"You don't feel warm," she said. "But even if you do feel sick, you shouldn't be out. You should be home getting some rest."

"I had to get out," I said, lifting my head. "I couldn't stay in there any more, I just couldn't, Larxene." I shook my head. "You so much better than she is, Larxene. Why can't I stay with you instead?"

Larxene frowned. "Are you talking about mom? Is that what this is all about?"

"Yes," I sighed. "No…some of it. I don't know…"

I felt a hand on my head, stroking my hair. "If you need to stay here for a while, go ahead. I'll keep an eye on you, Riku." She leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "I have to get back to work or they'll fire me. Don't leave, okay?"

I shrugged, not promising anything. Who knew when the urge to get up and go would strike again?

Some blonde guy came to take my order, but I wasn't hungry. I told him I didn't want anything, and he went into a long rant about how I couldn't stay here if I didn't order anything. To shut him up, I ordered a large basket of fries and didn't eat any of them.

Larxene stopped by my table frequently, trying to get me to eat something or say something, but I remained stubbornly silent. I loved her, but I just couldn't tell her what happened.

I heard the bell above the door jingle, indicating that someone had come into the restaurant. I didn't look up until a voice said, "Well, well, look who's here. Didn't expect to see you here, cutie."

I looked up and got the shock of my life when I saw Tidus standing over me with a grin on his face. He was dressed in his usual revealing outfit that looked much too girly for any guy to ever be comfortable in. But I guess he didn't have anything to hide. Who knew how the guy managed to stay in such good shape?

"What do you want, Tidus?" I said evenly, trying to stare him down with a death glare. It had no effect on him, however, and he sat down across from me, reaching for the basket of fries.

"I'd think that you would know what people come into restaurants for," he said, biting into a fry. He grimaced at it and pushed the basket away. "Why so glum, chum?"

"It's none of your business." I turned my death-glare on him once more. "Don't you have guys to go fuck or something?"

"Ouch." Tidus clutched his chest in mock of a wounded expression. "That hurts, Riku, that really does. For your information, I have many other interests that don't include guys." He paused. "Okay, I have many other interests. Seriously, though, you look awful. Come on, you can tell me what's wrong. Is it Sora trouble again?"

I turned my head away to stare out the window, pointedly ignore him.

"Riku," Tidus whined, slapping the table to try to get my attention. "Come on, I'm your friend aren't I? Tell me what's wrong so I can help you."

"I don't know what delusions you harbor to think that we're friends, Tidus," I growled coldly.

There was a pause. "What do you mean? Of course we are."

I turned to glare at him once more. "What makes you think I'd want to be friends with some homeless male prostitute?"

Something flickered across his face, and his smile faded. A pained expression replaced it and he started to fidget with his hands. "That…that was uncalled for. I have to do what I have to do."

I wanted to make him stop grilling me, but now it seemed I went too far. I felt guilty now. "Ah geez, I'm sorry Tidus. I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" It was his turn to glare at me. "I don't see how that kind of thing could be taken well." He stood up. "I think I'll leave now. I wouldn't want to sully you with my presence."

"Wait." I grabbed his arm as he passed. "Please don't leave, I didn't mean it. Look, I'll tell you what's wrong if you stay." He paused, seeming to consider it, and then sat down across from me once more.

I told him everything that had happened since I'd last seen him: How Sora and I had had a fight; how we'd ended up sleeping together; our whole relationship; and our break-up over the unfortunate circumstances, as I so put it.

He was silent throughout the whole recap, and when I was done he thankfully didn't seem angry anymore. We sat in silence for a while as I stared down at my hands awkwardly. It was a surprise, then, when he laid his hands across mine in a sort of comfort.

"You don't deserve that," he said quietly. "Losing out to a woman is…painful. I know that it's not going to be easy to get over that." He reached forward and brushed some hair out of my eyes. "You shouldn't be out here alone. Come on, I'll take you home."

I stood up with him, stunned. "But…my sister…"

"I'll tell her you're leaving. Wait here." He disappeared for a few seconds into the kitchen, and then reappeared by my side. "Let's go."

I couldn't do anything as he pulled me along, a strangely serious look on his face. I wanted to say something, ask him what he thought he was doing, but the words died on my tongue and I just let myself be led.


	13. Over and Over

AN: I finally have Dusk and Apples up! It's on Fiction Press if anyone wants to check it out. And I hope you do! I've already gotten 3 reviews on it, which is surprising since nobody knows who I am there. But it made me happy as hell. If you want to look for it, look under the Romance section, in-progress.

Man, I am so worn out. I wrote the first chapter of Dusk and Apples earlier and then procrastinated like hell until I could finally write this chapter. But I just had to. I reveal just what exactly Tidus is in the chapter, and his horribly angsty past. Some of you might think that this story is just a little too angsty, but I say screw you there can never be enough angst in a story! Sorry, I'm really tired. I need to get a shower and go to SLEEP! 

I've decided to stop writing out the reviewers because it's just way too tiring and pointless anymore. Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own it

* * *

When I woke, I didn't know where I was at first. Then realization slowly crept in as I found I was in my own bed. It was nighttime, I gathered, from the lack of light hitting the back of my eyelids. And the quiet seemed to press in on me, almost smothering.

I shifted slightly, and noticed that there was something heavy lying on top of me. I opened my eyes a crack and found a head lying on my chest, the rest of the body stretched out against me underneath the comforter. I smiled. Sora must have fallen asleep on me again. I didn't mind, I loved being as close to him as possible. I just hoped my mom hadn't seen us.

Sighing in contentment, I ran my fingers gently through his spiky hair. I'd have to wake him up soon. What a shame that would be; he was so cute when he was asleep.

He shifted against me and mumbled in his sleep. Feeling a sudden possessive urge come over me, I wrapped an arm around him to pull him closer. Moments like these were few and far apart. The only time we could be together anymore usually was on the islet. To be in a bed, together, several hours past sex, was something I never wanted to give up for anything in the world. 

He shifted again and stretched a little bit, like a cat. My smile grew a little wider. While sleeping Sora was undeniably adorable, when he was sleep-rumpled there was just no comparison.

"Hey," I said softly. He glanced up at me quickly, and then looked away, as if embarrassed. I found it way to adorable for words and just couldn't keep myself from kissing him anymore. I pulled him to me and pressed my lips against his.

For some reason, he seemed a bit uncomfortable. He went stiff and didn't respond to my questing lips. He was holding himself up on his arms, slightly away from me, and even though he wasn't pulling away it felt like he wanted to.

I let him go and he sat up, chin tucked into his chest ashamedly. I searched for his eyes in the dark.

"What's wrong?" I asked. He shook his head.

"You're…you're confused. Do you know who I am?" I frowned. That was an odd question.

"Wha-you're Sora. Who else would you be?" He sighed.

"I thought you would think that. Man, I'm so stupid…" At first I couldn't figure out what he was talking, and then like a switch being flicked I remembered everything that had happened. Sora had broken up with me to be with Kairi, and I had been horribly depressed over it. I went to the restaurant Larxene worked at and ran into Tidus. He had tried to cheer me up. We came back to my place, and…

I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I buried my face in my hands. I could barely remember consenting to it, and all the fine details were very fuzzy.

"We…we slept together, didn't we?" I didn't need to ask; I already knew the answer to that. But I needed the confirmation. I needed to hear it from his mouth.

"Yes," came the whispered reply from the end of the bed. "Riku, I'm really sorry…" I didn't stick around to hear the rest of his apology. I stood up and left the room. Slipping into the bathroom at the end of the hall, all the while bemoaning the loss of my own bathroom, I turned the showerhead on as hot as it would go and stepped inside.

I leaned against the wall, letting the spray hit me. It was so hot that my skin turned pink, but I barely noticed. I couldn't believe that I had done…that…with Tidus. Especially after just having broken up with Sora. Even if it had been my idea-which I had no idea if it was because I couldn't remember anything-how could he let it go on? How could he possibly go along with that?

I heard the door open, and then close again. Through the blurry glass door, I could see a small figure with sandy blonde hair sit on the toilet and draw his knees up to his chest. 

"Are you going to just ignore me, Riku?" I didn't say anything. I couldn't think of anything to say. "Then I'll talk," Tidus continued. "I'm sorry, really, that I caused you more pain than necessary. Really. I didn't think it would have that kind of effect on you." He sighed. "I really hate not being able to help my friends. That's what we are and don't you deny it. So I did what I thought you needed. I pretended to be Sora. Of course I realized that I wasn't really Sora, and that you would be pissed at me when you found out what I'd done, but I had to try. You were so happy for a while there, and it made me happy too. But I shouldn't have done it in the first place, and I can only hope you can forgive me." There was silence for a long time, and then I sighed.

"I don't think…you really know…how best to comfort someone, Tidus," I said hesitantly. "But I think I can forgive you. I want to know some things first." I could see Tidus nodding eagerly.

"Anything. Just ask and I'll tell you." I smiled slightly. I'd had a feeling he would agree that quickly. Tidus was the type to do anything for those he loved.

"Go wait down in the kitchen for me, would you?" I asked. "I want to get dressed." Of course I realized how dumb that was, since he already seen me naked, but he scurried out quickly enough and I thought nothing of it.

After I was dressed in an old pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, I went downstairs to find Tidus sitting dutifully at the kitchen table. I passed him and reached into the cupboard, pulling out two packets of hot chocolate. I always need to have something in front of me when so that I have something to do with my hands. I can never seem to stay still.

Once there was a steaming mug in front of both of us, I fixed Tidus with an even stare. 

"Okay, let's have it," I said pointedly. Tidus looked genuinely confused. 

"Let's have what?" He asked. "You haven't asked me anything yet." I sighed.

"Well, we can start with how you pulled that disappearing act the last time I saw you. I know I'm not crazy; one minute you were there, the next you were just gone. Explain it." Tidus fiddled with the handle of his mug, staring down at the table uncomfortably.

"Well, that…see, I can't actually explain that." He looked up at me guiltily. "It's not that I don't want to, really, but I don't understand it much myself. All I know is that I've had the ability to simply disappear for a long time now." I waited patiently as he took a few sips from his mug. He set it down with a sigh. "I…I don't know how to tell you this, so I'll just come out and say it: I'm dead, Riku."

I gaped at him like a fish, blinking rapidly as if he might suddenly disappear on the spot again. How could he be dead when he was sitting right in front of me?

"I know what you're thinking," he mumbled. "But I didn't just die. I…well, I killed myself. And the punishment for killing yourself is absolute eternity in this hellhole we call earth." He stared down at the table. I reached across and laid my hand on his.

"Why don't you tell me the whole story?" I said quietly. He shook his head.

"No, if I did…you'd hate me…" Tears began to form in his eyes. I was by his side in a second, cradling him in my arms.

"Shhh," breathed softly, rubbing a hand up and down his back soothingly. "I won't hate you, I promise. Please, I just want to know so I can help you. Please Tidus, tell me." He took a few deep, gulping breaths to compose himself, and then nodded. 

"Okay," he conceded. "I'll tell you. But you really should sit down." I pulled my chair over next to him and sat, staring at him expectantly. He took a deep breath and began.

---

(Tidus' POV)

I was born sometime in the 1970's. Don't ask me specifics; I lost count a long time ago. My mother and father were pretty young when they had me, but I was far from a mistake. They wanted to have me so badly, because I guess they thought that having a child was the biggest confirmation of love they could ever commit.

When I was born, they moved into a little house, made a good living; lived a nice life free of danger. They raised me really well. I was so happy then, with my mother and father. They were always looking out for my best interests, and even though they had to work hard sometimes to keep us going, they said they never regretted any of it.

One year, my father died of some disease that had been going around. I can't remember what it was, but I remember my mom and I couldn't visit him because it was super-contagious and the doctors trying to treat him were so scared that it would hit me harder because I was so young.

Mom had a lot of boyfriends after that. I guess she was trying to fill the void or something. Or maybe she was just trying to support me. I never liked any of them, and they always hated me.

There was this one, though. He was always so nice to me. He came when I was about 15, and always smiled at me when I was around. He made my heart light, and I could never help but smile back.

He and my mom got married after only a few months of dating. They claimed that they were "soul mates" and they didn't want to wait. I remember I felt so depressed when they were finally married, and I couldn't stop crying for days afterwards. It was at that time that I realized I was in love with my stepdad.

It was torture. Every kiss he would give to my mom, every cry of passion I could hear from their room at night, would cut into me like the sharpest knife. Sometimes, if I was really feeling down, I would pretend it was me that was with him. I would pretend he was kissing me, or making love to me. Afterwards, I would feel sick at myself. But I could never stop.

My mom worked as a saleswoman, so sometimes she would have to travel. It was during one of these away trips that I woke up a little earlier than usual. It was a weekend, so I didn't have to worry about school. I thought about making some eggs and bacon instead of having my usual bowl of cereal, and thought I'd go ask my stepdad if he wanted any.

When I opened the door to his room, I froze. He was lying on his back, hand down his pants, masturbating. His face was flushed and he was panting outright. Who knows what he was imagining, but it must have been very hot. 

I couldn't make myself look away from the scene in front of me, even as I felt myself harden. Somehow, though, I ended up leaning against the door and falling onto the floor.

I stood up quickly, face red, as my stepdad stared at me.

"What were you doing there?" he asked, his voice husky. I didn't answer, too embarrassed. I noticed him glance down, though, presumably at my hard-on, and then back up at my face.

"Come here," he ordered in a low voice. I obeyed sheepishly, sitting down on the very edge of the bed. He pulled me closer so that I was kneeling in between his legs and instructed me on how to give a hand job. I did so shakily, nervously since I had never done it before. But only a few strokes later, and my stepdad was coming. I couldn't help it; I got scared and ran out of there. I stayed in my room the rest of the day.

During the night, he came into my room and pressed himself against my back. My pulse quickened, and I tried to ignore the slight erection I gained from just being in such close proximity to him.

"I'm going to repay the favor from earlier, Tidus," he muttered in my ear. I shivered, and a small moan escaped my lips. When he first touched me, I thought I might die from the pleasure. After he made me come, he held me afterward. My heart could have exploded from happiness.

When my mom came back, we both acted like nothing had happened. But when she left again, I was back in his room that night. That was the first time we had sex. I felt like I was being split in half, but he was so gentle and loving that I barely cared. Every day we would sleep together, and when my mom was around I would simply pretend we were. My imagination got a little wild over that period of time.

At one time, my mom came home earlier than expected. My stepdad heard the front door open, though how he heard it past my pants and moans was beyond me. I was riding him at the time, and he pushed me off of the bed quickly.

"Hide in the closet," he hissed. I quickly complied. My mom came in a few minutes later. I could hear them talking, and then an entirely different sound. I buried my head in my knees and refused to look through the slats in the door.

The next time my mom left, I was relieved. I was biting my lip in anticipation for the moment she left, and when she did I practically ran to my stepdad's room. But for the first time, he turned me away.

"We can't risk getting caught again," he said. "It's best if things just go back to the way they were before." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I loved this man, and he was treating me like absolutely nothing. I couldn't stop the tears from coming, and I sobbed out my love to him. But he only shook his head and told me he was sorry as if he was telling me about the weather. I ran out of his room and went into the bathroom to look for a razor. I used it to cut my wrists. It didn't take long to die, and I was happy to let go. But I only wish I had known of the consequences…

---

(Riku's POV)

"…After that, I can't remember much. All I know is that I can't die because of what I did, so I'm forced to suffer eternity here." He took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh, glancing up at me. "Do you hate me?"

I stared at him, stunned, before pulling him into a tight embrace. I had had no idea he'd been through something as painful as that. To be used just for sex by someone you love so much…I couldn't imagine anything worse.

"I'm so sorry," I said in a low voice. Tidus shook his head and pushed away.

"It's not a big deal, it happened a long time ago." He bit his lip. "But…I wanted to ask you something. You and I both need something. You need something to fill the void Sora left, and I need something to break up the monotony of my eternal life. I was wondering…" He stared up at me with pleading eyes. "Would you be my lover, Riku?"

And how could I say no?


	14. Now and Then

AN: I am exhausted with a capitol X. I spent all of last night at my sister's house playing Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess on the Wii. I'm almost to the end (Just the sky temple to go!) but now I feel like I'm dead on my feet. So this chapter is slightly sub-par, even though I tried my best. Seems like they're turning out like that a lot, doesn't it?

I have nothing else to say, really, except Happy Easter tomorrow for those of you who celebrate it.

Disclaimer: I don't own it

School was less awkward than I thought it would be. I saw Sora like normal, but we didn't say anything to each other. I don't think we would have known what to say. I thought I would feel a horrible pain when we were so close like that, but all I felt was a dull, buzzing numbness. I didn't want to test my luck at lunch, where Kairi and Sora would most definitely be eating together, so I took my business outside in the school gardens.

To my surprise, though I suppose it shouldn't have been, Tidus was out there waiting for me. He was sitting on one of the benches, staring at the flowers, but I saw him sneak small glances my way. I smirked. For being a ghost, the boy wasn't as subtle as he thought.

"How long have you been here?" I asked amusedly, sitting down next to him. He grinned at me.

"Not long. I sensed you were coming here, so I fazed a few minutes ago. I figured you might like some company for lunch."

"Thanks," I said, offering my apple to him. He declined.

"I'm dead, remember? I don't need it. But thanks." We sat in silence for some time, watching to clear blue sky. Amazing, really, how quickly the weather, and my mood, had picked up so quickly.

It had only been a few days since Tidus asked me to be his lover. I felt like I shouldn't accept, but there was a part of me that desperately needed someone, anyone, to be with right now. It's not that I didn't like Tidus; he was a very attractive person and had become a wonderful friend when I needed it most. He was everything a lover should be, really, and I was lucky to have him.

But…

There was a part of me that protested against the whole thing. It was small, but there nonetheless. It felt like I shouldn't pretend to love someone else when I so obviously was still broken up over Sora. And maybe that was true. There was no denying that even though I was essentially okay for the moment I was still technically using Tidus as a way to forget about him. Hell, that was his point anyway. And I was helping him. So shut up, voice, and let me enjoy my small happiness.

As if to battle against my thoughts, I cupped Tidus' cheek and pulled him towards me for a kiss. He accepted readily, wrapping his arms loosely around my waist. It was a good kiss, definitely one of the best I'd ever had. It left me feeling warm, my lips tingling in a pleasant way. That was proof enough, right? I did have feelings for Tidus. And even if they weren't as strong as with Sora, they would be someday; maybe even surpass it. This could become something big, even bigger than what I thought I would have with Sora. I could do this. I could be happy without him.

I caught movement out of the movement of my eye. I looked and noticed we had drawn a small crowd. Mostly girls, staring at us doe-eyed. I think one of them had a camera. There were a few boys, though, their noses scrunched up in disgust. I rewarded that faction with my middle finger.

Tidus laughed and pulled me back down for another kiss. The girls 'aww'-ed in unison. I had to admit, it was kind of fun to not have to keep things a secret. To be able to kiss in public like this was refreshing, if a little awkward.

The bell rang, much to my dismay; and the girls' too, as they all groaned and reluctantly headed for the building. Sighing, I released Tidus from my grip.

"I have to go back in," I said, standing up. He grinned up at me.

"Meet me here after school again, okay? Right here one this bench." I looked at him strangely, but agreed. As I made my way into school, I felt a bit lighthearted. Nothing could ruin my mood.

Sora sat down next to me in Global Science. I kept my gaze fixed firmly on the book I was currently pretending to read out of. I would do anything to avoid any sort of confrontation, especially since I couldn't guarantee I could keep my cool. I heard Sora clear his throat, as if he was going to say something, and braced myself.

"Riku…"

And, here we go.

I closed the book with a loud thump and fixed him with a blank stare.

"What?" He looked around nervously, as if he was suddenly afraid to say what he wanted to next. He swallowed a few times. I almost got bored and went back to fake-reading when he stammered:

"Olette said she saw you and…and some guy in the gardens…k-kissing…" He looked up at me with pained eyes. "Is that true?" It took a lot of willpower to say the words I said next.

"Yes. It is." I had to remind myself sometimes that I wanted him to be jealous, and I wanted him to hurt like I had. But every time I saw him look at me like that, I wanted to gather him in my arms and tell him I loved him and that I would never love anyone else, pain be damned.

But right now, I had to do what was best for me. And if that included hurting him, by telling the truth, especially, then so be it.

Sora bit his lip in a way that was cute and turned to look at the teacher. I had to fight hard to look away from him. I had gotten what I wanted. He was jealous, and he was hurt. And now he knew what he'd done to me.

So why did it feel like a hollow victory?

I spent the rest of the day in a bad mood over the whole thing. When the end of the day came around, I was so distracted I almost forgot to go to the gardens. When I stepped in among the plants and flowers, I expected to see Tidus waiting for me. But the garden was empty.

That was weird. He said to meet him here, didn't he? I sat down on the bench and pulled out the book I had been pretending to read while ignoring Sora. I figured I might as well read it…at least a little.

As I opened the title page, a shadow fell over the words. I looked up and was surprised to find Sora standing in front of me, looking awkward.

I closed the book and slowly set it aside, staring up at him. When he didn't say anything for a long time, I frowned.

"Did you come here to say something or just to hover over me all day?" He flinched slightly, as if surprised by the venom in my voice. He cleared his throat.

"Look," he started, in a voice that promised a long speech. But he never got past that.

"Riku!!" I felt a warm weight on my back and arms snake around my waist. A very small smile appeared on my face as Tidus' sandy hair tickled my chin.

"Who's the brunette?" He asked. As if he didn't know.

"I'm Sora," he answered, his eyes brimming with wariness. "And who, pray tell, are you?"

"Tidus," he answered easily, uncaring. "I'm Riku's lover." He put an emphasis on the last word. Sora's eyes flickered to me for confirmation of this. I didn't give him any, and I think that's all he really needed.

Sora's eyes slowly migrated back to Tidus, a challenge surfacing in them.

"Lover, huh? You're much girlier than the people Riku usually goes for."

"Says the hermaph ex." Even I was taken aback by that comment. That might have been going a little far.

"Listen, _sweet_heart," Tidus said acidly. "I don't want to hear about you even looking at Riku anymore, got that? He's mine now. Sorry to disappoint, but you had your chance."

Sora looked shocked. He looked at me pleadingly.

"Riku, you can't possibly…"

"Yeah…I do." I didn't really approve of Tidus' methods, but the fact was that he got the job that needed to be done finished.

I glanced up at Sora's face. He was glaring down at me with a look of intense hatred. It made my heart ache to see him looking at me like that, but I held firm. The face crumbled and turned into one of hurt.

"Fine," he said in a low voice. "If that's how you want it…I'm sure Kairi should make better company anyway." With that he turned on his heel and walked off. A bitter feeling was in the pit of my stomach. With that last comment, we both knew he had won.

Tidus nuzzled my cheek. "That was certainly dramatic. You okay?"

I pushed him off me angrily. "You had no right to start that, Tidus," I growled, burying my head in my hands. Hands were at my back again, rubbing gently.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "But you'll never heal if you're around him all the time. I was just trying to help."

"It's not your battle to fight," I sighed, my anger ebbing. Suddenly I felt exhausted.

"Let's get you home, okay?" Tidus said, helping me stand up. "We can sit on the couch and watch bad movies until we pass out. What do you say?"

I smiled. That sounded like a great idea.


	15. Fires at Midnight

AN: I'm really liking this chapter. I wrote it over the course of the day instead of in one shot, and I really think that the writing is much better than some I've done. Also I re-read chapter 10 and I gotta say that's definitely the chapter I'm most proud of. Anyway, make sure you get your fill of Tidus, because in a few chapters he'll be gone forever. Sorry to ruin that, but come on you had to see it coming right? Anyway, hope you enjoy this one as much as I did.

Disclaimer: I don't own it

* * *

Kairi found out, probably from Olette. Those two were really tight friends. But instead of being repulsed by it, she was delighted. I saw her before school started, unfortunately with Sora in tow.

"Riku!" She called, practically throwing herself onto me in a bear hug. I could do nothing else but hug her back, puzzled. She pulled away and grinned at me.

"I'm so glad you found someone," she gushed. "I mean, you've been single for so long I thought something weird was up with you. Why didn't you tell me you were gay?" She squealed. "I've never had a gay friend before. This is going to be so great. Oh, you have to let me meet your boyfriend." She gasped. "Why don't you come on a double date with Sora and I this weekend? It'll be so much fun! Come on, please?" Throughout the whole thing I hadn't gotten a single word in. I sometimes wondered how that girl could say so much. I slapped on a fake smile.

"That sounds…great, Kairi, but I don't think…"

"Oh, please, please don't say no," she begged. "I want to meet him so much. And so does Sora. Right, Sora?" Sora gave a non-committal grunt, which Kairi didn't notice. I sighed.

"Fine, I'll come," I conceded reluctantly. "If Tidus agrees." Kairi squealed with happiness and hugged me again. I caught Sora glaring down at the ground, sneaking glances up at me every once in a while. What had I gotten myself into?

"A double date? Sounds like fun," Tidus said, grinning. He had met me after school and we were walking home together. I grimaced.

"I was counting on you to say no. Spending an evening with a chatty red-head and my pissy ex does not sound like fun in the slightest." Not to mention, they were going bowling…who goes bowling anymore?

"Well, I want to go," Tidus said, pouting. "Please, Riku? For me?" I was caught between a laugh and a cry of horror. When had he started acting like Kairi?

"Why do you want to go so much, anyway? I mean, there are plenty of other things we could do on a Saturday night…" I let myself trail off, hoping that the mental image of exactly _what_ other things we could be doing was imbedded in his mind.

He flushed. Success.

Tidus cleared his throat. "We-we can do that anytime…" It looked like it took a lot of effort to say that, which made me wonder exactly how vivid his fantasies were. "But I don't get to have a lot of experiences like this, Riku. I like going out and interacting with other people. Please?" He used the kicked-puppy look on me. I sighed.

"If I agree…" I said slowly, "You promise to tell me what you were thinking of back there?" Tidus' face brightened. He wrapped his arms around me.

"Thanks so much, Riku. I love you." It took all of my willpower not to jerk to a stop. Was he serious about that or just joking? Was I supposed to answer? He didn't wait for me to reply before launching into plans for this weekend. I sighed inwardly at that. I don't think I would have been able to say it if I tried.

When we got inside my house, which was empty once more, Tidus pinned me against the door, kissing me. He pulled away breathlessly.

"Still want to know what I was thinking about?" He asked, grinning. Not waiting for an answer, he grasped my wrist and pulled me towards the stairs. I didn't resist, smirking. Tidus wasn't usually this playful.

He led me up to my room and quietly closed the door. Watching me with lusty eyes, he pushed me backwards so that I landed on the bed. I waited, watching to see what he had in mind.

I watched in wonder as he began to strip in front of me. Tidus may not have been the most muscular person, but he had a very skinny, sexy form that I just couldn't get enough of. When he was down to just boxers, I tried to reach for him. But he just shook his head and batted my hand away. He pulled the dark blue garment down, slowly, giving me an unobstructed view of his half-erection.

I swallowed a bit and tried to reach for him again, but once more he pushed my hand away. He approached me and sat on my lap, straddling me with knees on either side. I groaned as he brushed against the erection in my pants. I wished at that moment that clothes had never been invented so I wouldn't be forced to wear them.

Tidus pushed me back on the bed with a kiss and moved to my ear, whispering,

"I'm going to push you to your very limits."

I shivered. Tidus wasn't the dirty-talk type. Usually during sex he was very quiet, actually. So that came as a surprise to me.

He tugged my shirt over my head with ease. I moaned from the contact of heated skin, finally. But he sat up way too quick for my liking. I reached up and tried to tug him down for a kiss, but he resisted.

He laid a hand on my chest reverently, the spark of lust in his eyes laced with one of pure joy. It made me smile, that he cared for me so much. He trailed the single hand down my pale skin, making it tingle. I gasped when he reached my stomach, playing with the button on my pants teasingly. But he passed right over that until he reached his now straining erection.

I stared in awe as he started playing with himself, right there on my lap. He was bent over, flushed, panting; his eyes squeezed shut at the actions of his own hand.

"Like w-what you…see?" He asked, breaking with a moan. I couldn't speak. I was almost afraid that any action would cause me to cum right there. I'd never seen a more erotic display, much less right _on_ me.

Tidus leaned down a bit and brushed his lips against mine in a semblance of a kiss. I gripped the back of his head and mashed our lips together, drawing a moan from the body above me. Trailing a hand down his chest, I gripped his need in my hand, moving in rhythm with his strokes.

He gasped, pulling away to lay his head on my shoulder. His hand went still and I was in control. I pumped up and down, alternating between hard and gentle, caressing his trembling body with the other hand. When he let out a choked cry and came on my stomach, I had to clench my eyes shut to keep control of myself. Damn the tease for making me so hard.

When Tidus came down from his high, he sat up again and reached back to unbutton my pants. He pulled both the pants and boxers off in one swift motion. I bit my lip to keep from crying out as they brushed against my hardness.

Tidus grasped my hand and pulled me into a sitting position. He kissed me quickly but lingeringly, teasing with tongue before pulling away. He prompted for my hands to grasp his hips and turned around, lowering himself onto me, his back to my chest.

Both of us shared in a deep moan as I was enveloped by his heat. But I couldn't cum. Not yet. When Tidus was fully seated, flushed and panting once more, I wrapped one arm around his waist and held him tightly to me. The other hand helped him keep up a rise and fall rhythm on my lap.

I laid my head on his shoulder, nipping at the skin every so often, biting my lip to keep my cries in. Tidus was doing no such thing. He was moaning and thrashing on top of me, making it very hard not to let go.

He gripped my head in one arm and turned to kiss me deeply, nearly toppling us over. That was it. I couldn't hold it any more. I gripped Tidus' erection just as I came, bringing him to completion with me.

Afterwards, we lay on the bed, a tangle of limbs. I was still inside of him, my arm wrapped tightly around his middle. Neither of us was in any hurry to move from that position. I leaned forward and placed a kiss on his neck. It was moments like these that made me wonder why I ever doubted having feelings for Tidus. He reached back his hand to tangle in my silver hair.

"That was…amazing," Tidus said, smirking. "I've always wanted to try that. Never thought I'd get the chance." I snorted. Only Tidus could ruin the romantic mood like that and still make me love him.

Love?

I frowned at my choice of thoughts. Did I love Tidus? He was my lover, wasn't he? So in theory, I should love him. But then again, it seemed like it was much too soon for me to love anyone else. It had only been…a week since Sora broke it off with me. But I'd thought of him so little since. Maybe I didn't love Sora as much as I'd thought.

Tidus shifted so that I was no longer inside him and turned to me, resting his head in the crook of my neck.

"I love you, Riku," he said, kissing the skin. "I don't care if you don't feel the same way, but I do. So much. And I'm glad you've given this whole thing a chance." I frowned.

"I…I love you…too?" It ended as more of a question than anything. I'd said it just as a test, to see if I could say it truthfully, but the words had felt wrong in my mouth. They just didn't seem to work. I didn't love Tidus. He smiled sadly.

"No, you don't. You love Sora." He sat up and stretched, wincing as his bones popped. "But that's okay. I knew that from the beginning." His smile became sincere. "Come on, I'm a little hungry. Let's go downstairs." He acted like he wasn't hurt over the whole thing, but I could tell he was lying. After all, why would he want to leave? He couldn't get hungry.

We ordered pizza for lack of anything else to eat. I did most of the actual eating, but I saw him choke down a slice. Afterwards we sort of curled up on the couch watching television until it got dark. I found myself after a while watching, not the TV screen, but Tidus instead. He seemed completely immersed in the program, and the bluish light from the screen reflected off of his eyes eerily. At that moment, he looked more like a ghost than I'd ever seen before.

Tidus lifted his head, his attention focused on the door.

"I'll be right back," he muttered, going into the dark kitchen. A few minutes later, my mom came in.

"Riku!" She said, surprised. "What are you doing still up? It's late." I shrugged.

"I wasn't tired. Thought I'd watch some TV." I pretended to watch the program, but watched her through the corner of my eye. To my horror, she went into the kitchen. As soon as she flicked on the light, I expected her to scream, thinking we had a burglar. Or worse, a prostitute. That wasn't a conversation I was looking forward to. But she only said,

"You ordered pizza? Great, I'm starving." I saw her sit at the table and devour the last few slices before throwing the box away and flicking off the light. She kissed my forehead.

"Don't stay up too late," she said tiredly, making her way upstairs. I watched her ascent and then turned my attention back to the kitchen, where Tidus was standing in the doorway. A smug smirk was set on his face as he stared at me. I frowned.

"How did you-?"

"My dear Riku, I have many talents." He took his place in front of my once more and I wrapped my arm around his waist. We fell right back into step, as if nothing had interrupted us. I turned my gaze towards the TV for a few minutes, but couldn't keep it from sliding towards him.

Tidus' eyes were closed this time, his breathing even. It looked like he was asleep, but I knew better. I knew he couldn't sleep. I tightened my hold and nuzzled the nape of his neck. I breathed in; no scent.

Recalling our earlier conversation, I kissed his neck. _I don't love you, Tidus,_ I thought at him. _But I wish I did._


	16. Normal

AN: I got Sweeney Todd, special 2-disc edition! -Fanfare- What could be better than a musical about a serial killer? Nothing!! That's what! :D I love Mrs. Lovett so much. Helena Bonham Carter did a great job as her. She's such a good actress and made my favorite character all the greater.

Warning: This chapter contains some Bastard!Sora. Sorry, it's just the way it had to be. Oh, and I am not a Kairi-basher. I simply portray her as ditzy because I consider just about all girls to be ditzy. (Yes, I am a girl. And yes, I am ditzy sometimes as well) Truthfully, I have nothing against her. Especially since it's so obvious by the second game that Sora loves Riku more than her. (Hug for Kairi, on knees and tears for Riku...hmmmmm...) Anyway, hope you all enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own it

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I felt restless today since Tidus had left. He had been somber and quiet all morning, and when I questioned him about it, he told me that today was the anniversary of his death. He said he wanted to go visit his grave. I offered to go with him, but he refused, saying he really needed to go alone.

So I stayed at home, alone for the first time in a long time. I had retreated to my room to stare out the window across the expanse of the clear sea. I found my gaze drawn to the islet that Sora and I used to go to, to be alone. Masters of our destinies…I snorted without any real humor. What had I known back then? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I was an idiot. There was no such thing as destiny, and even if there was, Sora wasn't mine. That island represented nothing, except maybe a good place to fuck in private.

As I glared at it, I was visited by an urge to go there. Sitting on the sand, with absolutely nothing to interrupt me sounded immensely appealing.

I contemplated taking my nice boat, the one Sora had given me for my birthday, but took the old one instead. Maybe it was immature, but I wanted to spite him by never using that damn thing.

The trip over seemed slower than I remembered. Though…maybe that was for lack of company. I let my feet drag in the sand when I finally reached shore. I left my shoes at home, so the sand sifted pleasantly through my toes.

But this didn't feel like the same islet I had been happy on before. It felt empty, like the thing that had given it substance had disappeared. I could relate.

Something caught my eye near the dock. I thought it was the water swelling and retreating, but the item remained stationary. I crouched down to inspect and laughed out loud. Sora's gray boxers lay on the ground, encrusted in sand and salt. I grabbed them and shook them out. How long ago had that been? It felt like an eternity ago.

I sighed. That might as well have been another lifetime.

I threw the short back into the water. I didn't need any happy memories to remind me of what I didn't have anymore.

I wandered along the beach, watching the sun sparkle off the waves. It was a peaceful sight. I'd forgotten how much I absolutely loved being here. I pulled myself up easily onto the small rise of land, using the overhanging tree. I tried not to remember the last time I'd been here. That had been such a wonderful time; it was when Sora first told me he loved me.

I gripped the dirt under my hands tightly. He was such a liar.

I shouldn't have come here alone. Tidus would have come if I'd asked. But something about this place just seemed sacred. Bringing someone else here would destroy that. And as much as it hurt to remember, I knew I would never be able to make myself destroy the sincerity of this place.

I laid down on the dirt, half-shaded by the tree, and closed my eyes. The rush of the sea and the cry of the gulls filled my ears, becoming my world. Rush and cry; rush and cry. Both of these melded together into the loveliest of lullabies until I found myself drifting off.

I was woken later by voices floating through the air. I sat up quickly, sand sticking to my face. I noticed it was dusk. The setting sun sent a splash of color across the sky in a random pattern of purples and gold. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and yawned. What had woken me up again?

I heard laughter and swiveled my head towards it, craning my neck to see past the tree. My heart could have shriveled up at the sight. Stepping up onto the dock, the biggest smile on his face, was Sora. He was helping Kairi out of a boat. My sadness was short-lived to my anger. How dare he bring her here? She had no right to come to this islet. This was our place!

I growled quietly to myself and clenched my hands on the bark of the tree. They couldn't do this to me; they wouldn't take this place away. Kairi caught sight of me and waved excitedly.

"Riku!" she called; as if I hadn't already seen them. Sora whipped his head around and stared incredulously. I stared at him until he looked away. Kairi pulled him along and jumped up next to me.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. I shrugged.

"Just…watching the sun set," I said quietly.

"Us too!" she gushed. "It's SO romantic, isn't it? Sora told me all about this great island, and without the houses and buildings you can see it so well. And I mean, the location is just…" I tuned her out and let my gaze slide to my former best friend. He was sitting next to the exuberant redhead, staring down at the ground. His gaze met mine and he glared before laying a hand on Kairi's shoulder.

"We should go somewhere more private. We wouldn't want to interrupt Riku's jerking off to thoughts of his precious Tidus." I shot him a death-glare, to which he responded with a sneer. Kairi, who didn't sense the bad blood between us, said,

"Where is Tidus? You should bring him here. Oh, I wish you had today. I want to meet him."

"Yeah, Riku," Sora said condescendingly. "Heaven knows what you could do on an empty island. Hey, maybe you could just lay out on the dirt and let him completely suck you off?" Both Kairi and I stared openmouthed at him. "What?" he growled.

"Are…you two fighting?" Kairi asked weakly, looking between us. She looked uncomfortable to be in the middle suddenly.

"Of course not," Sora said coolly. "What gave you that idea?" I couldn't take this anymore. I wouldn't stand idly by while he hopelessly destroyed everything sacred. I gripped his elbow and dragged him along with me. He struggled, but I've always been stronger than him.

"We'll be right back," I called back to Kairi. She nodded dazedly, watching as Sora practically threw a temper tantrum while I pulled him along. When we were in a relatively private area behind a thick grove of palm trees, I pinned him against one roughly.

"What is your problem?" I growled at him. He tugged uselessly at my arm.

"My problem? What about you? What's your problem; dragging me out here. And being everywhere I am. I didn't want you to be around; I just wanted to spend a nice time with my girlfriend. Is that too much to ask?!" I watched him struggle until he wore himself out and slumped against the trunk.

"Why did you have to start dating him?" he asked pitifully. "Why? Why couldn't you just stay single?"

"What?" I frowned. "Is that what this is about? Are you jealous of Tidus or something?"

"No!" The fire was back in his eyes. "I am not jealous of him. But if you can just move on to some new guy like that, then it's obvious you never…loved…me, like you said you did." I gaped at him.

"Didn't love you? You have no idea how much I loved you; how much I still do!" Sora stared at me evenly, a challenge surfacing in his eyes.

"Prove it," he said in a low voice. I stared at him incredulously. Did he mean what I think he meant? He kept up his gaze, never wavering. Those blue orbs pulled me in, just like so many times before. I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him, pouring as much feeling as I could muster into it. I expected him to push me away, but he only whimpered and wrapped his arms around my neck. I pulled away to look into his eyes.

"Do you still doubt me?" I asked huskily. He didn't answer, only pulled me back down and pressed our lips together once more. I had missed this so much…too much. I needed him like a drug. The feel of his skin; the smell of his hair…that and so much more that made him who he was were slowly destroying me. I knew I should stop this. But it was hard to think when he pressed himself so completely against me like that.

I felt a bulge in his pants and smirked a little. I couldn't deny that it made me feel good to know I could still affect him like that. I slipped my hand under his thin cotton t-shirt and let it slide down beneath the elastic waistband of his short to stroke his length. He groaned and pulled away to brace himself on my shoulders, head buried in my collarbone.

"Riku," he gasped. "Riku, Riku, Riku…" He repeated my name over and over as I stroked his hair with my free hand. All the problems we'd been having, everything that caused this hate between us, were forgotten, if only for a little while. If only for now.

I felt him come into my hand, and he slumped boneless against me. I wrapped my free arm around him to keep him from falling. When he had regained enough sense, he pushed me away gently.

"We should…clean off," he said dazedly. "Kairi will be wondering what…happened to us." His face was red with a blush. I couldn't fight off a smile. Without thinking, I leaned in to kiss him, but he dodged me.

"I…I can't, Riku," he said guiltily. "I just can't…" I stared at him, sure he was joking. He wasn't.

"Can't what, Sora?" I said angrily. "Can't kiss me? Because you have a girlfriend? But of course it's okay to let me jerk you off, huh? What, not getting any with Kairi?" He winced at my words.

"You don't understand," he said quietly.

"Then enlighten me!" I was working myself into a frenzy now. "Please, tell me why one minute you're accusing me of not loving you and the next pushing me away. Because for the life of me I can't come up with a credible answer!"

"Because when I'm with Kairi, I'm normal!" He cried, staring at me pleadingly. "If I'm with Kairi, then nobody's ever going to look down on me. But if I'm with you, I'm a…I'm a freak and a fag. I can't go through that, I just can't." My eyes narrowed.

"Well, I'm so sorry things are SO hard for you, Sora. I can't possibly imagine what that's like." I turned and started walking away when he grabbed my arm. I pushed him off and he landed in a small pool of clear water. He surfaced, sputtering.

"If you're going to reject me over and over again, then fine, Sora. But don't drag me into your sick little game of how far can I go before this is wrong, because I'm not going to participate it in any longer." I turned away and stormed down the beach. Kairi noticed me.

"Riku, what happened?" She called. I said nothing, just climbed into my boat and angrily rowed for shore. Night had fallen by the time I finally reached the house. I angrily threw the oars into the boat and went inside, seething.

I wasn't surprised to find Tidus sitting on the couch when I went inside. He stared at me silently. I stalked over to him and pressed and insistent kiss to his lips. He responded readily.

Sora didn't know what he was talking about. He talked about being normal, but he had no idea what that was. Normal wasn't being straight; it was allowing yourself to love someone regardless of gender. It was never denying what made you feel good inside. It was this, right now; giving in to carnal feelings of lust easily and not repressing it.

He would never understand…and I was done waiting for him to.


	17. A Familiar Face

AN: I'm sorry I didn't submit last week! But this chapter is longer as compensation. And I have a long weekend so there's a possibility that I might update again by Sunday. So be on the lookout for that!

Sorry for anyone who loved him like me, but Tidus goes bye-bye in this one. Afterwards, I have to try and worm Sora back into Riku's heart. What a task. I actually didn't mean for the story to end up like this, but what would writing be without a little angst and a few surprises? Anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own it

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"Are you sure you still want to go, Riku? I mean, we could do something else…" I shook my head furiously. We were going.

"We're gonna go. That fucker isn't going to ruin my good time. Or, more importantly, your good time." I shot a look over my shoulder as I rooted around in my closet, trying to find a clean shirt. Tidus sat meekly on my bed, fixing me with a weird look. "What?"

"I just think that if you don't want to go, you shouldn't. I'll live, you know. Or, rather, keep on being dead." He chuckled. "You don't have to force yourself to go just for my sake."

"It's for my benefit, too," I protested. "I wouldn't mind getting the satisfaction of seeing Sora get jealous." Tidus shook his head condescendingly.

"It cannot be healthy for you to enjoy seeing him suffer." He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around my waist. He laid his head on my back. "It'll be the death of you someday, trust me." I shrugged.

"Maybe. It wouldn't be a completely horrible death, though." I held up a rumpled shirt triumphantly. "Besides, what could really be the harm in seeing him squirm? He deserves it." I pulled the shirt over my head, covering my bare torso. "Well? How do I look?" Tidus observed me critically.

"I think you look fine, but that you're acting like a girl." He rolled his eyes. "He's your ex. You shouldn't care what he thinks of you."

"Maybe I just care what you think." I shot him a grin and pulled him closer. He rolled his eyes again.

"Please, I know better." He pushed away from me and smoothed out his hair.

"Speaking of acting like a girl," I said teasingly. He shot me a glare. I kissed his nose and it disappeared. "Come on, we should go. We're supposed to meet them in fifteen minutes." I grasped Tidus' hand in mine and dragged him downstairs. I received the shock of my life when I found my mom sitting on the couch.

"Hi, sweetie," she said brightly. "I was let off early today. Sorry I didn't tell you, but you seemed so busy. Going somewhere?" I glanced behind me and found my hand empty. Tidus was gone again.

"Yeah," I said absent-mindedly. "Bowling with Sora and Kairi. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Have fun, Riku. Don't stay out too late, okay?" I grunted non-committedly and left, closing the door quietly behind me. I wasn't surprised to find Tidus outside waiting for me. I had long since given up trying to figure out how he did those weird things he did.

I slipped an arm around his waist and pulled him close to me, burying my face in his hair. "I'm a little apprehensive," I admitted to him. He wrapped his arms around me in an embrace.

"It's not too late to back down if you don't want to go. I'm certainly not going to say anything about it." I shook my head. No matter how nervous or angry or scared I got, I knew I needed to be able to face him. If I spent my whole life hating and avoiding him, it would never do any good. And I wanted him to know, desperately, that I could get along just fine without him.

I led him along next to me as we walked to the bowling alley. One of the advantages to living on an island was that everything was close enough to walk to if you wanted. Some people had cars, but it was really an unethical way to travel. Besides, walking everywhere kept people fit.

I never liked bowling very much. The place was always so over-glorified. It wasn't a sport, and it would never be a sport.

The inside was flashy and it made my head hurt. The music was always up too loud and everyone was laughing at things that probably weren't funny. It was the epicenter for teenage bubbleheads, and I didn't belong here. But Tidus wanted to be here, and I would follow him wherever.

"Riku, Tidus!" I swiveled my head in the direction Kairi's bright voice came from. She and Sora had already gotten a lane. And speaking of the brunette…he was currently sulking and trying to hide behind the score machine. I wrenched my gaze away from him and led Tidus to where Kairi was grinning. "I thought you two weren't coming for a while there. What took so long?" I shrugged, not bothering to offer an explanation.

"I'll go get the shoes," Tidus said to me. "Size 10, right?" I nodded and kissed him chastely before releasing him. I watched as he left and turned my gaze back to Kairi, who was smiling up at me.

"What?" I asked, frowning. Her grin grew wider.

"You really do love him, don't you?" I was a bit taken aback by that, but nodded. After all, I did love Tidus, in a way. Maybe not in the sense she meant, but I did. Kairi's grin faded and her face became serious. "I really did think you weren't coming," she said. "After that whole riff you and Sora had. What was that about, anyway? He wouldn't tell me." I fought off the flush that threatened to creep up my neck as I remembered exactly what that fight had been about. No, I'd promised myself I wouldn't dwell on that.

"It's just guy stuff. Nothing you need to know."

"That's what Sora said," she scoffed. "Why won't anyone tell me what's going on with you two? You were such good friends before." I shook my head. Really, if she did know, I think she'd be wishing not to know. It was really just better to not clue her in, even if I would enjoy watching Sora fall to pieces over it.

"I'm back." A pair of shoes landed in my hands and an arm linked through mine. "Come on, let's go put them on. I wanna start." I chuckled at Tidus' childlike joy. There were times when he was just undeniably cute.

I purposely went slow, giving Tidus reason to pout in that adorable way of his. I would immediately kiss him when it appeared and the whole cycle would start over again. Kairi would giggle and comment about how cute we were. Sora would just glare at us. I caught him doing it a few times.

The main reason I hate bowling is because it's the most boring and morbid activity in the world. What is it? Rolling a ton-and-a-half ball down a slippery lane. There's no guarantee the ball will even make it down the lane without falling into the gutters on either side. And even on the slight chance that it DOES get to the end successfully, all you accomplish is knocking over a bunch of white pins and making a lot of noise; I hate noise.

I excused myself after about an hour of roll, noise, roll, noise. The constant tearing of both at my eardrums was beginning to give me a horrible headache. I wished I'd brought an aspirin or something.

The bathroom was surprisingly peaceful. I think they sound-proofed the walls, because all I could hear was the sound of my own breathing as I leaned against the counter. I splashed some water on my face, trying to calm my swimming head; but all that happened was that I got wet.

The door opened and I groaned inwardly. I didn't want to deal with some loud teenage boys who would probably laugh too loud and start roughhousing right next to me. I couldn't promise I wouldn't kill them, and that would cause a lot of unnecessary complications.

I nearly had a heart attack when arms wrapped around my waist. I sighed in relief when I realized it was only Tidus.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly. "Do you want to go?" I shook my head slowly.

"I think I can make it. It's not too long until the time runs out. And besides," I laughed. "Kairi would be disappointed if we left now. I think she enjoys ogling us."

"That girl scares me a little," Tidus said bluntly. "I can't imagine why Sora would choose her over you." He blanched at the look on my face. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean it that way."

"It's fine." I smirked playfully. "Besides, I would much rather have you." Before he could protest, I turned around and placed a soft kiss on his lips. I heard him moan as I plundered his mouth and pushed him against the wall. I shouldn't do this, not in a bathroom at a bowling alley. Anyone might walk in, and I couldn't promise I would be able to stop if that happened. But being close to Tidus just made me want to completely ravish him. Maybe leaving was a good idea after all.

I heard the door open and froze, though Tidus continued without me.

"Oh, god-if you fags are going to do that, do it in private where I can't see it." I lifted my head, ignoring Tidus' protests. Sora stood by the door, disgust brimming in his eyes. And something else…lust, maybe? Jealousy? Who knew?

"Sorry, Sora dear. Bet you wish he was fucking you instead, huh?" He grinned cheekily at the fuming brunette, whom I could see desperately wanted to punch Tidus. But he was smarter than the average bear; he knew that hurting Tidus meant having to deal with me. I could easily kick his ass and he knew it. I grasped Tidus' wrist and dragged him out of the bathroom, shooting a look towards Sora as I did. He stared at the ground, face burning.

"That was fun," Tidus giggled. "Maybe you were onto something when you said seeing Sora squirm was fun." I didn't answer him, only continued to pull him along. I didn't want to make a scene in such a public place, but Tidus needed to stop speaking like that to Sora. Even if the prick did deserve it, it wasn't as if I couldn't defend myself.

Tidus gasped. "What…what is he doing here?" I stopped Tidus was staring, ashen-faced at a middle aged man sitting at the bar section of the bowling alley. He looked unkempt, dressed in clothes that could use a good wash. His face was covered in stubble and his hair lay around his face in greasy dregs. He was nursing a bottle of beer, though from the look of him he would be kicked out soon. Tidus tried to hide behind me and hurry out the door.

"What's wrong?" I asked, looking confusedly between him and the man.

"That's my step dad," he whispered frantically. "Why is he here? He lives on the other side of the island. He can't see me here. I'm supposed to be dead." He desperately tried to hurry while using my body as a sort of human shield.

"That's your step dad?" I asked incredulously. "But…how old was he when you died? That guy looks years older."

"He was only 30. I don't know, I guess he let himself go. Maybe my mom left him. Can we just hurry, please?"

We were just at the door when, in a strange twist of fate, the man looked up, right into Tidus' eyes. His dark, dead ones widened, and a spark ignited in them.

"Tidus," he called out in a raspy voice, climbing down from his bar stool unsteadily. "Tidus!" Tidus tried to hurry me along, but the man, as drunk as he was, was fast. He caught up to us and grasped Tidus' arm.

"Tidus," he rasped, his eyes alight with undeniable joy. "Oh god, Tidus, I thought I would never see you again. I thought you'd died." My lover looked away guiltily, trying to reclaim his arm without luck.

"I…I don't know what your talking about. I don't know anyone by that name." But that didn't deter the man.

"I don't believe that. I can see it in your eyes. You know who I am." A watery smile appeared on his face. A few tears slipped down his cheeks unnoticed. "Please, I just want to talk to you for a few minutes…please…" I felt strangely like a third wheel. Neither of the two had so much as glanced in my direction. That is, until Tidus muttered,

"Riku…could you give us some privacy, please?" I shot him an incredulous look.

"Wha-? Tidus, you're not really going to-?"

"Some privacy, if you don't mind," he said, more firmly, glaring at me. I was taken aback. Tidus had never acted that way towards me before. I released his wrist and watched worriedly as he and the man he claimed used to be his stepfather stepped into a dark alley. I couldn't see into it, but there was no way I could just sit around and wait. I pressed myself against the wall outside and strained my ears.

"I thought you died," a gruff voice said.

"I did," Tidus responded, a bitter tone to his voice. "This is my punishment. I guess I deserved it. What kind of person falls in love with their own stepfather." There was a long pause. "Did you want to say anything specific or am I just wasting my time here?" Another long pause.

"I wanted to…apologize. If I had…known you would do…well, if I'd known you would kill yourself…I'm so sorry, I never thought I'd lose you over it. I was selfish. I was only thinking of the consequences I would face if we were ever caught."

"Yeah, well, I was a stupid child back then. I may not look like it, but…I've done some growing up since then. I should have realized that you could never love me back. And I should have been able to live with it."

"No! No, don't you ever think that. I did love you…so, so much…"

"Yeah, right…"

"When you killed yourself, I could have died myself. Your mother was devastated, but I felt like I couldn't go on. Every day was like a horrible effort." I faintly heard a sobbing sound. "She died, by the way. Pneumonia. About a year ago." I heard Tidus draw a sharp breath.

"I…I see. I wish I could have been there at the pearly gates to greet her. I wonder if she noticed I wasn't there."

"Of course she did. Your mother loved you…her dying words were that she was happy she would be with you again." There was a dry chuckle. "Who knew I would end up being the one to see you again?" There was a shuffling sound, and then a quick scuffle.

"Wha-stop, don't touch me!"

"Please, it's been so long since I've seen you. I never thought I would ever get to again…I need to feel you, Tidus. I want to make you feel good, and really apologize for the horrible wrong I've done."

"Yeah, well, it's way too late for that. I have a lover now and-" his words were cut off for a few seconds, and the sound of flesh connecting with flesh resonated through the air. "Bastard! You're drunk. Go the fuck home, and maybe if you're lucky you won't remember this in the morning." Footsteps grew closer and I quickly stepped away from the entrance, trying to look as if I hadn't been listening. Tidus appeared, fuming, and was at my side in a second, gripping my arm.

"Let's go," he said curtly. I said nothing, just led him away. We passed the alleyway where his stepfather still resided. Soft sobs floated from the darkness. I glanced at Tidus to gauge his reaction, but his face was set in a stony mask staring straight ahead.

--

Tidus practically jumped onto me when we entered my house. My mom wasn't downstairs, so I figured she must have gone to bed. I responded eagerly.

I felt hot tears on my neck and froze. Tidus was crying, but he was still desperately trying to get me into bed. I wrenched him away from my neck and studied his face. His eyes were shining and two perfect tracks of tears ran down either side of his face. I stared at him incredulously.

"What…?"

"Make love to me," he interrupted. "Not fucking or having sex, I…I want to feel you. I need to feel like someone loves me."

"Tidus," I began to protest.

"Please!" He sobbed. "I need this. Riku, if you love me or feel anything for me, you'll do this. You have to understand…" He looked so pitiful and vulnerable like that. I knew why he needed it. Seeing his stepfather had wounded him far more than Tidus let on. And the news of his mother's death probably hadn't been very good news either. What must it have been like, to see someone you had once loved look so pitiful and weak? And to have a loved one die, and know you won't ever see them again because of the mistakes you made? Nothing in my life could ever compare to that hardship. And even if this was supposed to be a punishment, he needed some small amount of happiness or it would be one hell of a long eternity.

I bent down and kissed him deeply, pouring love into every touch and feeling. Our fingers intertwined and I hoped, with all my heart, that he knew just how much I cared for him.

That night, I wasn't gripped by passion or lust. We had sex that was slow and sweet and somehow…right. But it felt like a sort of exclamation point. It felt like I had to make this count, because there might not be a chance later. But that was crazy, right?

Or maybe not as crazy as I thought.

"Riku," Tidus mumbled into my neck afterwards. He had long since stopped crying and a sense of peace had descended upon both of us. I made a non-committal noise to let him know I was listening. All I wanted to do was fall asleep. "Riku, I'm going to have to leave."

That woke me up. My eyes snapped open and stared at him. His eyes were averted guiltily.

"Why?" I asked desperately. Since Sora had broke it off, Tidus had been the only constant in my life. He was the only thing I could ever count on. I hadn't known him that long, true, but it felt like we had been together a lifetime. I couldn't imagine going on without him.

"I….I realized something when I saw my step dad today." He took a deep breath. "He was a lot older than when I last saw him. But I was exactly the same age." He stared up at me. "Do you see what I'm trying to say? Even if we stay together, you're going to get old and die eventually. And what about me? I'll be stuck here, on earth, hurting so much I wish I could die but I can't." He bit his lip. "You remember before, what I told you about places of consistency? Places that we have to return to so we can stay sane?" I nodded dumbly. "Well," he sighed. "I need one in this earth that isn't temporary. I can't get too attached to someone…not even you."

We sat in silence for a while, each absorbed in our own thoughts. I could see the sense in what he said, but the rest of me protested profusely against it. I couldn't let him leave me, not matter the consequences. If he was gone, I would go insane. He was wrong; consistency was consistency, temporary or not.

"Riku?" I looked down to find Tidus staring up at me.

"Yeah?"

"I know you might not follow this advice, but…don't give up on Sora, okay?" I was surprised by that comment. Wasn't he the one trying to get me to forget Sora? "Please promise me that," Tidus pleaded. "You two belong together. I thought I could replace him, but I see now that I can't. And you deserve as much happiness as possible before…" he stopped and buried his head in my chest. He wouldn't say anything more after that and feigned sleep, even though I knew he didn't need it.

I felt my eyelids growing heavy and laid my head back on the pillow, wrapping my arms tightly around Tidus as if by sheer force I could keep him there with me forever. I closed my eyes and relaxed, allowing the warm darkness of sleep to take me.


	18. And The Clock Ticks On

AN: Oh my god, chapter 18!! I'm beat. I actually wrote this...tuesday? Maybe? I don't remember. I just typed it today though. I kept procrastinating all my time away. Well, at least I got it up now. Something nice is gonna happen in this one, something I think you guys will like. It's not mature or anything, but it's sort of fluffy.

I'm trying to figure out if I want Riku to have a new boyfriend (Or girlfriend if you want) for a little while. So tell me what you think or that idea, and an idea for a love interest would be much appreciated. Leave me a review about it, okay?

Disclaimer: I don't own it

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For the first five seconds upon waking, everything was peaceful and okay. But then I realized my arms were empty, and everything came crashing down around my ears. My eyes flew open and I sat up, looking around frantically.

Tidus was gone.

I wandered around my house in a daze, searching hopelessly for him; hoping that I would find him on the couch watching TV or fixing me a surprise snack in the kitchen. In so little time, his presence had become so familiar that its absence felt alien and wrong. And still in the back of my mind I hoped I would find him around every corner.

After searching every inch of the house-even the basement, which I knew Tidus hated-I finally accepted the reality that Tidus was gone. He was gone, just like he said he'd be; and he probably wouldn't be coming back.

I collapsed on the couch, exhausted. I guess I hadn't really thought he'd do it. I had counted on him to chicken out and stay here to be my constant for the rest of my life, consequences be damned. But that was selfish of me, I knew.

I couldn't expect him to stay with me if I would someday die. The idea of killing myself and living with him for eternity made itself known in my mind, but I soon dismissed it. There was no guarantee I could find him afterwards, and anyway he would never approve. He would be furious with me for wasting my life for him. Of course, I wouldn't mind, but that's probably what he would say.

I smiled. He was such a sweet person. He didn't deserve the hell that had been chosen for him. No matter what mistakes he had made in the past…he deserved to move on to paradise and be with his parents. I wished I could do something to help him get there quicker. But maybe…maybe I could.

I turned my eyes upward, trying to look past the ceiling and really believe something was there.

"God?" I asked hesitantly. "God, I…I don't know if you're real or not, but…I need to ask a favor." I sighed. I felt like an idiot. "I don't know if I'm supposed to…get on my knees or anything, but I just don't have the energy to do that right now, so I hope laying down is good enough for you. Uhm…" I bit a knuckle nervously. "Look, if you could just let Tidus move on already…I mean, you see him all the time. You know he doesn't deserve it. And he's suffered a lot." Why, I wondered, would the answer to suffering be more suffering? It didn't make sense for any sort of just God to let that happen. "Look, I don't know if you exist or not. If you don't, I'm going to feel really dumb. But…don't judge him based on my inhibitions. I love him, so much. And I want to see him again…but I would rather he moved on and was with the ones he loved. I know that would make him truly happy, and…he deserves it after what he's been through." I don't know if I expected anything to happen, but I do know I was disappointed when nothing did.

I mean, I didn't expect a lightning bolt to descend on my house or anything…but a little reassurance would have been great. Maybe a voice, telling me everything was going to be all right. Or even a vision. Or something!

But nothing happened. And if God did exist, He certainly wasn't doing anything to coerce me over to His side. I glared at the ceiling, as if blaming it for my troubles.

I was alone again. That one thought circulated my mind in a sort of mantra. Alone…alone…alone…

The only reason I made it through breaking up with Sora was because Tidus had been there to help me. But now there was no one I could rely on. None of my friends even knew about it; Larxene was always so busy these days with work and school combined; my parents weren't even an option because they would probably shoot me.

I'd never, honestly, felt this alone before. Every time I felt bad, I'd always been able to talk to Sora about it. Before this whole mess started, he had been my confidante; my best friend…if you believed in such a thing, of course. And if I was honest, I missed that a lot more than I missed our relationship. Maybe following Tidus' advice wouldn't be such a bad idea. But, far from pursuing any sort of relationship with him again, I just wanted my friend back.

I dragged myself off the couch and dressed. It was a hot day, so I threw on some Bermuda shorts and a white tank top. I felt really lazy and sluggish, so it took a lot longer than it should have, but I finally made it outside.

I squinted painfully. It felt like the sun had brightened by a few thousand watts and it stung like hell. I instantly wanted to retreat back into the cool darkness of my house to just curl up and sleep the day away. But my feet started moving on their own, and I was off.

Once I started moving, it was much easier to just keep going. My mind was dazed, and I felt like I was operating on autopilot until I found myself on the doorstep of a familiar yellow house.

I began to get nervous. I hadn't thought about what I was going to say when I got here. I just knew I needed to make things right.

I raised my hand hesitantly, balled gently into a fist, and let it hover over the white painted wood. My heart stuttered uncomfortably. I felt like I was going to throw up. It seemed to grow a few degrees hotter as sweat trickled down my brow. I swallowed. What was I doing here again? I couldn't remember, for some reason. Every alarm in my head was going off, telling me to run far away. But my feet remained glued to the doorstep. I gulped in lungful after lungful of air, but none of it was enough. It felt like I was suffocating. This was such a bad idea. I should have just stayed in my house, safe, and wallowed.

The door opened, and I literally had to grip the doorframe to keep from bolting. Roxas stood holding the door ajar, a gentle smirk creeping up one side of his face.

"It was a little sad, watching you just stand there," he said, amused. "Sora's not here. He went out to get some groceries a while ago. He should be back soon, I think."

"Oh," I mumbled, taking a tentative step backward. Really, it probably would have been better if Sora had just answered the door. We may not have been on the best terms, but at least we KNEW each other. Roxas was always so withdrawn; it was hard to even talk to him a lot of the time. "I-I see…maybe I should just come back later…"

"Well, he shouldn't be gone much longer. If you wanted to, you could just…come in and wait for him." That surprised me. Roxas had never shown me any type of hospitality before. I knew it was an open invitation just from the way he said it. I probably could have said no, and we would have parted ways without any type of issue. But to my horror, I found my lips forming the words,

"Yeah, I think I'll do that."

Mentally, I smacked myself. I just hoped I wouldn't regret this as much as I thought I would.

--

To his credit, Roxas did actually try. I suppose it was my fault for not providing constant topics of conversation as we sat in awkward silence. We remained on opposite sides of the couch, staring everywhere but at each other. I wondered why he didn't just turn on the TV or something if he had no actual intention of entertaining. He really was a freak, wasn't he?

"Uhm…can I ask you something?" Roxas asked timidly. I could have sighed in relief at the small break in tension. I could have really cared less about what he was going to say.

"Sure." He looked a little nervous and fidgety. My interest piqued and I waited impatiently for him to say what he was going to say.

"My brother…he's been in a pretty bad mood lately. Even Kairi is getting annoyed. You wouldn't happen to know what's wrong with him, would you?" I shrugged stiffly. Of course I knew.

"No. Why would you think I knew?"

Well, you are best friends," he pointed out. "Or, were. You two haven't been around each other for a while. And he doesn't talk about you anymore. Every time I ask what's wrong, he refuses to speak. Did you two have a fight?"

"Sort of," I grumbled. I didn't like the direction this conversation was headed. "So?"

"Well, I've never seen him so bummed out before. Even when he broke up with Kairi…anyway, I hope you came here to make up with him. That mood of his is starting to affect me. I stared at him. What, was it making him MORE moody and brooding? I opened my mouth to voice this thought, but was interrupted by the door opening.

"Hey, Roxas, could you come grab a couple of these…" Sora, laden with plastic bags and a jug of milk, stepped into the house and stopped dead when he spotted me. His eyes grew wide.

"R-Riku?" Roxas rushed forward to take the groceries, which were in danger of falling from Sora's slack grip.

"I'll just…go put these away. You two talk." I caught a small smile on the blonde's face as he disappeared through the swinging door into the kitchen. I turned towards Sora, who was still staring at me like he'd never seen me before.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. I tried to smile. Failing at that, I just shrugged.

"Honestly? I really don't know." I made eye contact successfully for maybe three seconds before I was forced to look away. "I just felt like I needed to come here." I felt the couch dip as Sora joined me, a respectable distance away.

"Where's, ah…where's Tidus? That's why you're here, right? To tell me to stop being so mean to him? Well, I'm sorry, but you can't just expect me to start being nice to him just like…"

"That's not why I'm here," I interrupted sharply. "Anyway, you don't have to worry about that anymore. Tidus left." There was a long, thick pause.

"I'm sorry," Sora said quietly. He sounded sincere. I glanced at him, and he looked sincere as well. I sighed.

"We never should have started that relationship. We were such good friends, and that just destroyed it." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sora bobbing his head in agreement. I continued. "So, I think it would be best if we just…forgot about it, and went back to being friends."

"Yeah," Sora said, elation rising in his voice. "I would really, really like that, Riku." I held my arm out to offer a hug and he practically dove towards me, hanging on tightly as if afraid I would disappear if he let go. I squeezed back, burying my face in his hair. I sighed contently as I steadily breathed in his scent. I wasn't even worried that I would never be able to touch or kiss him again. Or, if I was, I would never admit it. But I didn't need to. Just being here was enough. It was foolish of me, begrudging him for choosing Kairi over me. Of course he would. Kairi was the one he was meant to be with. And I…well, I would dutifully resume my position as the best friend. And it would be enough.

"I love you, Riku," Sora mumbled. Unbidden, a smile formed on my lips.

"Me, too," I said, kissing the top of his head softly. Everything was going to be okay from now on. I could just feel it.


	19. Happy

AN: Hello, wonderful people! And welcome to chapter 19 of WLMS! This is really getting long, isn't it? I should think about ending it sometime soon...maybe...eventually. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, as I have nothing really to say. I worked hard on it, really...sort of. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own it

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Making up with Sora felt like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. We easily slid back into the best friend routine, almost as if we'd never gone out or slept together. It was a little sad, that I had to ignore such a wonderful part of my life, but it was better this way. Sora belonged with Kairi, and I…well, I just had to be able to deal with that.

I started dating after a while. It was weird that the world would just start up again after feeling like it had stopped for so long. It was almost like that chunk of time was a dream. A wonderful, unobtainable dream.

After my whole "coming-out" experience with Tidus, a lot of guys started hitting on me. It was surprising to find out just who was gay in our school. I got the shock of my life when Wakka, the captain of the school Blitzball team, caught me in the locker room during gym and practically tried to rape me. Chalk that one up to life-scarring experiences.

Girls still tried to date me as well. A lot of them gave a dumb speech about how I was led down a horrible path but they could change me and make me right again. It was annoying, but fun to go out with them and purposely stare at guys until they got so frustrated that they broke up with me. It passed the time, at least.

I dated mostly guys, since I found them more endearing. But I always found reasons to break up with them before things got serious. Sora never really got jealous again, though I noticed he liked to hang around a lot when I spent any time with various boyfriends. Kairi never understood how we made up so fast, but she didn't question it for long. She said she was just happy there wasn't any tension between us anymore.

I was currently dating a blonde sophomore named Kito. He was a shy kid, and liked to hide behind me whenever we hung out with my friends. So far, he was lasting the longest. We'd been going out for about three weeks. The only thing that annoyed me was his reluctance to do anything sexual. The most he would do was make out a little and then push me away. And what could I do? I wasn't going to rape him! He may have been cute, but not enough to get convicted.

I was actually considering just breaking up with him. He was more trouble than he was worth. But I wouldn't for a while. It was convenient for now. With Kito around, nobody else tried to get with me, and I could enjoy some peace and quiet for once.

With Sora by my side once more, school just seemed to fly by. Soon it was time for the Tropical Festival. Once a year, for a straight two weeks, all tropical fruits on this island grew faster and larger than ever. During that time, all school was canceled for various fruit-based activities. It was more fun when you were a little kid, but I would never say no to time off of school.

The first day of the festival, I brought Kito to one of the fairs. We met up with Sora and Kairi near the pineapple eating contest booth. It reminded me of our fated "double-date" with Tidus, though I could only remember it distantly. It too felt like some weird dream, and at times I felt like Tidus himself had only been a figment of my imagination. If not for the dull ache his being gone left, I might have believed he was.

The entire day I spent gloomy thinking about the whole thing. My friends asked what was wrong, but I just said I didn't feel well from eating too much pineapple and wandered off by myself for a while.

About halfway into the festival, Sora asked me to go to our islet with him. I thought we were going to bring Kairi and Kito, but he said he wanted it to just be us. He said he wanted to go tanning, and he didn't want a bunch of people around to mess up his "groove". The only person he wanted around, he said, was his best friend. I was touched, to say the least, so I went.

--

I unrolled the two towels Sora and I had brought and laid them out on the sandy beach. I shielded my eyes from the bright sun. Out here, with no obstructions to block it, it seemed to bare down on me like a laser beam. I grabbed a pair of sunglasses out of our "Bag-o'-tanning-essentials" and slipped them on. Much better. Sora flopped down on his towel with an explosive sigh.

"What a great day. I love the sun, don't you?" I smiled.

"It's okay. Until it turns on you." I threw him a small, rectangular white bottle. "Better put on some sunscreen. You know how easily you burn." He sat up, grimacing.

"You're one to talk. Your skin is so pale I wonder sometimes if you really live on this island. What do you eat, salt?" He snickered and began rubbing some of the pale lotion on his stomach. I turned away quickly, trying not to think of the horrible imagery that sight brought on. I pulled out my own bottle and spread it over every inch of skin I could reach.

"Hey, do my back, will you?" I kept myself from flinching at the implications and turned to find Sora turned away from me, smooth expanse of skin bared. I swallowed and squirted some lotion on my hands. This wasn't something to freak out about; I was just putting sunscreen on my best friend. No big deal.

He hissed when I laid my hands on his back. "That's cold," he whined, shying away from me. I gripped him and pulled him back.

"It won't be for long," I said quietly. "Just give it a minute." As I spread the lotion, my eyes were drawn to that small trail of freckles just over his shoulder blade. I smiled as I remembered the last time I'd seen those, but it quickly turned into a frown. That wasn't exactly a happy memory. Sora had rejected me then. And even though he'd made up for it later, he rejected me still when push came to shove. He would only be with me if there was nobody better at the time. And that was the cold, hard truth. A cold, hard truth I'd come to accept.

"Everything okay back there, Riku?" I was pulled back into reality as I realized my hands had stilled and I was just sitting with my hands on his back. I hurriedly began spreading the sunscreen again.

"There," I said when I'd finished. "All done." He grinned.

"Thanks. Now turn around and I'll do you." I bit my lip and turned around quickly. It was too much. Did he even realize what he was doing? I hissed when cold lotion hit the sensitive skin on my back. Damn, that was cold. I had to fight not to get lost in the feel of his hands as they rubbed all along my back. It was almost like a massage, except that instead of getting rid of my stress, it only served to add to it.

"All done," Sora said brightly when he'd finished. I doubted he did that good a job and made a mental note not to lie on my stomach.

"Did you do your face?" I asked. "Or your legs?" He frowned cutely.

"No. Why would I do those?" I sighed in exasperation and beckoned him over. "You dork," I laughed as I rubbed lotion hurriedly onto his less-than-hairy legs. "You're gonna look like a particularly fiery cherry if you don't cover everything." I slapped some on his cheeks and forehead. "Don't be an idiot, all right? I don't think Kairi would like it if I returned her boyfriend as a lobster."

We stretched out on our respective towels comfortably. There was nothing better than laying on sand in the sun as long as it didn't blind you. Speaking of…I glanced over at Sora to see if he had his sunglasses on, but his eyes were closed.

"Sora?"

"Yeah?" He said, cracking an eye open and staring me. "What is it, Riku?"

"Don't fall asleep in the sun," I warned. He rolled his eyes.

"I'm not that dumb, you know." I smirked, doubtful. He'd done it before. Good thing I brought aloe this time. After a few moments of peace, in which we both just laid there, silent, Sora groaned and scooted over to me, laying his head on my stomach. I stared down at him.

"What are you doing?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I just…thought you would make a better pillow than the ground. That's all. You used to let me do this all the time, remember?" I blinked. I'd only let him do it when we were going out. Up until now, we'd never spoken about that time. I frowned, but left it alone. He probably said it by accident.

After laying silent for so long, I was jolted by a loud snort by the brown head on my stomach. I inspected closer and found that he'd done just what I'd warned him not to: Fallen asleep. I smiled fondly. He really was cute when he slept. I missed being able to watch him sleep, so much. It was nice to just watch the contours of his face as he twitched with some dream he was having, or hear him mumble something incoherent which he wouldn't remember later. It was that, I think, that I missed most about our relationship.

Sitting in the sun made me feel sleepy as well. Against my better judgment, I felt my eyelids grow heavy and let myself slip into a light doze.

--

I woke sometime later; midday, I assumed, by the position of the sun. Stretching out my muscles languidly and yawning, I noticed that there was still a heavy weight on my stomach. I glanced down and almost burst out laughing when I caught sight of Sora. He must not have put the sunscreen on his torso right. There were bright red splotches all over his pale skin. He looked very uncomfortable.

I shook him gently. "Sora? Sora, wake up." He groaned and rolled onto his stomach, only to yelp and sit up.

"Ouch," he groaned. I snorted. "You dolt. Come on, I brought Aloe. We'll go sit in the shade and put it on, okay?" He stood up without much protest. He looked like he was going to throw up, so I kept a good grip on his arm. The last thing I needed was him passing out.

Once we were under the shade of the trees, I pulled out the bottle of green goo and made him lie back. He hissed.

"It hurts," he groaned. "It feels like my skin is on fire."

"Well, that's what you get for not putting your sunscreen on correctly," I said as I rubbed some Aloe onto my hands. He looked like he was in a lot of pain. I could understand. I'd gotten sunburns before, and they were no picnic. "Just relax. You'll feel better once these burns are cleaned out." I could feel the heat emanating from his skin from an inch away. Jeez, he was really bad. I rubbed some of the cooling lotion on him, ignoring his anguished cries.

"Riku, stop, it hurts!" He sobbed. I saw a few tears roll down his face. I sighed.

"If you want it to stop hurting, you're going to have to lie still and take it. I can't be any gentler than I'm being now." However, I went a little slower. I hated causing him pain. (1)

I noticed that the burn went underneath his swim trunks. I gulped. If I put Aloe there, he might think I was trying to do something else. But I wasn't. All I wanted was for him to be okay. And if I didn't put anything there to ease the burn, it might get worse and hurt even more. What else could I do?

"Riku? Are you done?" Sora asked tearfully. I shook my head.

"Almost, just…bear with me okay?" I had to do it, no matter what he thought. And hopefully, he would understand. I slipped my hand underneath the waistband of his shorts and rubbed the skin just above his groin with gooey liquid. It was amazing just how much skin had been burned. I vowed to make him wear closer-fitting swim trunks next time.

Sora groaned. "What are…you doing?"

"You got burned down here, too. I'm not going to do anything, so you don't have to worry." He grasped my hand in his tightly. Startled, I looked up. He was staring down at me with a spark in his eyes.

"I want you to do something. Please?" I stared, open-mouthed, and then a wave of anger washed over me. I stood up and walked away before I hit him, clenching my fists at my sides to keep from hitting something else. How dare he ask me for that?! I was happy enough being his friend now, but if he asked me something like that…I wouldn't be able to stop. And we'd be right back where we started. I wasn't going to let something like that fuck us up again.

"Riku? Did I say something wrong?" I turned on him, enraged.

"No, Sora, you didn't say a damn thing wrong! Only that you wanted me to give you a hand job while I was treating your goddamned sunburn! Surely you remember the last time we were on this island?! And how swimmingly things worked out the last time! I'm trying to be your friend, you dumb shit, and you keep fucking it up by saying and doing stuff like that!" I turned away from him, frustrated. He got up shakily and stood beside me, just out of my line of vision. I tried to ignore him, but he wrapped his arms around my torso.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "It's just…being so close to you bring out all these weird feelings in me. I always feel like I want to be closer. You're the only one who's ever really made me feel that way." He squirmed his way into my arms so that his head was buried in my chest. His sunburn, it seemed, was forgotten. "I need you, you know."

I scowled. "And after you get what you want, then what? You'll turn me away and reject me, just like all those other times. Do you think it's easy for me? That when you do that shit I'm not affected? It's wearing me down just to be your friend. Because every single time you try to get close to me, suddenly nothing else matters and I just want you. But I know that you'll never, ever let me."

For a while, we stood there, his arms wrapped around my torso, mine loosely around his shoulders. Our breathing was the only sound and the heat of our chests touching was driving me insane. This was getting out of hand. We needed to leave, and soon, or I would end up making a huge mistake. I took a deep breath to steady myself. "Sora…"

"What about we stay friends," Sora interrupted. "But, you know, with benefits." I gaped at him. He moved away from my chest to look at me. "Just hear me out. If it's just about sex, then we don't have to worry about the implications. We can settle our primal urges, and you won't have to worry that I'm still dating Kairi. Because…you'll have me in a way she won't." I could see the logic in what he said, but it seemed…wrong for him to do that with me while still dating Kairi. She didn't deserve that, not one bit.

"I don't think…"

"Please," Sora said, burying his head in my chest once more so that his words were muffled. "I don't want to lose you as a friend, but I need you so badly. It's almost scary how much I want you inside me right this second. I don't know what I'd do if you said no, so please say yes. And this way, we can both be happy."

Happy…what a subjective term. Not everyone could be the same type of happy, and different things made everyone happy. Would sleeping with Sora, with no strings attached, make me happy? Who knew, really? But, happy or not, I couldn't deny it would solve our problems. We would both be able to satiate our lust and still remain friends. I would have him in the most intimate of ways, while the only thing Kairi could lay claim to was a public relationship. And so I agreed. I agreed to sleep with the boy I so desperately loved, with no love. Just simple and undeniable lust.

What was I getting myself into?

* * *

(1) I didn't mean to make that scene as dirty as it turned out to sound, really.


	20. Forever

AN: Hello, wonderful people! I have...absolutely nothing to say. This is new.

Oh, wait, I should probably say that this chapter takes place a couple weeks after the last one. So the Tropical festival is over, and it's just the weekend. Also, should clarify that they told their parents they would be spending the night on the little islet. They did not, obviously, tell them why.

Heh, I'm glad I finished this. I let a few of my friends read it; mistake. Now they're practically clawing my eyes out, trying to get me to write more. They're just not happy with one a week. They ask me just about every day. It would be funny if I wasn't fearing for my life.

Anyway, I'm sure most of you will love this chapter. You'll see why. Also, there's sex. Just mentioning.

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

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Sea, skin, and sweat; these scents assaulted my nostrils upon waking, bringing me into the peak of consciousness. I yawned, snuggling into the warm body beside me contentedly. This was a great way to wake up. No alarm clocks or nagging mothers. Just naturally and happily with my arms wrapped around my…well, whatever Sora was to me now.

I opened my eye to inspect the brunette. Our relationship status may have changed, but one thing certainly hadn't: I still loved to watch him sleep. That peaceful, blank look on his face when he slept was incomparable. I could watch him all day and never get bored.

I wonder if he knew that? If he was aware of just how much I loved him?

I buried a kiss in his spiky hair. This arrangement was wearing down on me. I couldn't stand seeing him with Kairi and acting so casual, like he didn't care both his ass and soul to me just about every night. Sure, I got him in the most intimate way possible, and I was able to hold him like this where prying eyes couldn't see. But I was becoming selfish again. I wanted more and more of him as time went on. I felt like I couldn't be happy just being his "friend with benefits".

He didn't tell me he loved me anymore, even as a friend. I was too scared to say it anymore because I was afraid he wouldn't answer my feelings.

I suppose I shouldn't have complained so much. Sora spent a lot more time with me now; even more so than with Kairi some days. Usually, all we ever did was have sex, though. It got to the point where…it almost wasn't even worth calling ourselves friends anymore.

I drew him closer, as if my body was rebelling against my thoughts. After all we'd been through-all _I'd_ been through-I knew I would never have the courage to do something like that. Nor did I have the will. If I were separated from him, I knew it would hurt far worse than any situation now. He may have been spoiled and selfish; and he may have been stupid for thinking this was an okay arrangement; but, Damnit, through all that I still loved him so much.

There had to be some way to convince him to be mine and only mine. There just had to be.

Sora shifted in his sleep until our lips were nearly touching. I smiled and closed the distance, rolling him on his back so that I was hovering over him. He threw his arms around my neck with a moan, responding as best he could in his drowsy state. I pulled away when those beautiful blue orbs opened, unfocused and sleepy. He smiled.

"Mmmm…morning," he yawned, stretching so that the muscles in his stomach grew taught. "That was a nice way to be woken up. Remind me to remind you to do it again sometime." He looked around. "What time is it?" I shrugged.

"Dunno. I didn't bring a watch. I think it's still early, though." Groaning, Sora pushed me off of him and grabbed his pants. They were a few good feet away, and the journey to them revealed a great view of his ass to me. He pulled his phone out of a pocket and sighed.

"Only nine-thirty. It's still early." He rolled over and flopped down next to me on the sand. "When are our parents expecting us back?" I shrugged.

"I don't know. I didn't tell them a specific time. We could stay out here all day if we wanted." I wrapped an arm around Sora to pull him closer and he snuggled into my chest.

"Good," he said sleepily. "That's great to hear. I don't want to go back yet." His eyes snapped open and fixed me with a playful glare before practically pouncing on me. His mouth latched onto mine hungrily. Caught off guard, I fought to grab a handhold on his waist. When I did, I flipped him over so that I was on top and grinned down at him.

"Did you really think you could overpower me?" I asked amusedly.

"No," Sora grinned. "But I thought I had the element of surprise, and decided to take a shot." He leaned up to kiss me, but I leaned back away from him. No way was I going to let him off the hook. He knew how much I liked to top, and he still tried to dominate. Not acceptable. I'd have to teach him a lesson.

I reached down between our bodies, still naked from last night, and gripped his member in my hand, giving it a rough stroke. Sora's head fell backwards, eyes closed tightly, mouth open in a silent scream. I grinned wickedly and repeated the action, loving how he moaned and writhed beneath me as he sought more friction.

I leaned down over him and breathed moistly over the appendage, flicking out my tongue to lick gently.

"God…Riku…yes," Sora breathed, tangling his fingers in my silver hair. He tried to push me down farther, but I pushed back up and out of the way.

I began lavishing every part of him with my tongue, except the part he wanted me to most. Starting with his thighs, I skipped over the hot organ and began a log journey up the torso. Agonizingly slowly, even for me, I started a wet trail, dipping my tongue into his navel and swirling around the pink nipples until I reach the pale column of neck. Sora was practically screaming in frustration when I nipped at the skin just under his jaw.

"Riku," he whined. "Either blow me or fuck me, please!" He looked like he was going to burst into tears any second. Smiling, I leaned forward and nibbled on the skin under his ear, which I knew made him squirm.

"First, you'll have to tell me," I said huskily, "Who is the dominant one?" There was a long pause. I brushed a hand over a convenient nipple, shivering in excitement when he tried to buck up into me.

"Riku, please…"

"Say it, Sora," I said, gripping his member in my hand irritatingly lightly. "And I'll help you with this." I gave a rough stroke, ripping a moan from his lips.

"You! It's you," he gasped. "Now, please…please, I need you."

"I don't think I really heard that," I said, smiling evilly. I was really enjoying teasing him.

"Oh, god…you're dominant! You'll always be dominant over me!"

"Very good," I whispered in his ear. "Now, what should we do to prove that?" Sora groaned in frustration.

"Oh, come on! That's not fa-aah!" He pushed back against my fingers, which were probing against his entrance, gently teasing the puckered skin.

"Now, Sora, what do you want me to do to you?"

"Fuck me," he gasped. "I want you to fuck me. God, Riku, please." Finally deciding to show some mercy, I pushed forward so that I was buried knuckle-deep, pulling and stretching the skin inside him until I reached the lump of flesh deep inside. I pressed once and that was it. I had teased him too much. He exploded into my hand, which still held him loosely, and tightened around my fingers almost painfully.

He laid back on the sand, panting. I pulled my fingers out of him and let him rest for a few minutes. I kneeled above him, my heart and cock pounding in anticipation, waiting for the second he was ready so that I could have my release too. After what seemed like an eternity, Sora cracked his eyes open and stared at me.

"Okay," he said easily. "I'm good to go again." Elated, I rushed back to our stuff and grabbed a condom and bottle of lube I'd forgotten. I almost ripped the thin rubber membrane in my haste to get the condom on. But once it was on properly and slicked up with lube, I wasted no time in lifting Sora's hips up into my lap and sinking into that beautiful body.

Sora and I had long since passed the pain stage. We had slept together so often that the only pain was a dull ache; the farthest thing from our minds. We were more focused on each other than any slight discomfort.

No matter what problems we had, it was nothing that couldn't be fixed with the feel of him surrounding me in this most intimate of ways. I loved being inside him so much that I thought I might explode from happiness every single time.

I knew I would never really be able to leave him for that reason alone. I was well and truly addicted to him. And like most addictions, I wasn't interested in quitting him anytime soon.

Sora wrapped his legs around my waist tightly, pulling me as far into him as possible. I groaned. The heat was messing up my head. Gripping his hips, I pulled out as far as I could and slammed back in against his prostate. He screamed, clutching at my shoulders.

I leaned down over him so that our chests aligned and breathed in his scent as I repeated the action. My thoughts were narrowed down to just us; just Sora and I in our own world, the only existing beings. The rhythmic thrusting and absent-minded fondling were so familiar that I didn't even need to think to do it. I could make my way be feel alone. I had memorized the layout of his body, mapped out in my inner mind like it was etched beneath my eyelids with a knife. I could never have another lover without thinking about Sora, this I knew.

I couldn't hold on for very much longer. Sora, who was still thrumming from his first orgasm, came first, spurting all over my stomach. I threw my head back in a howl of pleasure as I came, finally, and collapsed in a sweaty heap with Sora on the sand in post-coital bliss. We barely had the energy, after a few minutes, to move to a shadier spot. But we didn't want to get burned. Especially not while we were naked.

I collapsed on the dirt, pulling Sora down to lay on top of me. We just laid there breathing for a while, calming our frantically beating hearts. I was afraid, after a while of silence, that Sora had fallen asleep. But then he said:

"Have you ever been with…your boyfriend like this?" My gaze flicked down towards him. He was staring at me seriously, waiting for an actual answer. I tried to smile.

"Nah," I said. "Kito's not the type to give it up so easily. I guess I'm not as persuasive as I thought, huh?" Sora made a small noise of agreement, picking at a nonexistent patch of sand stuck to my chest.

"I think you should break up with him," Sora said bluntly, staring up at me with an almost pleading look in his eyes.

"What? Why?"

"Well, you don't really have that much in common, do you? You're just not a good match. That's all." A blush tinted his cheeks as he averted his gaze. He pushed himself away from me and got up to gather his clothes. "We should probably go back soon, don't you think?"

I grinned behind him. Sora was jealous of Kito? _Kito?_ Of all people, really. Sure, I was dating the guy, but anyone could tell we weren't exactly a hot couple. It was probably because neither of us were really that into each other. It was convenient, was more like it. Still, nothing like milking it.

"So, if Kito isn't a good match, then who would be?" Sora's shoulders tensed.

"I…I don't know. Someone who you've known more than a few weeks would be nice." He glanced at me quickly. "Someone you can trust…maybe a friend…" I stood up, grinning at him wildly now.

"Oh, yeah? And who, pray tell, fits into that category?" He shrugged stiffly. "You, maybe?"

"Look, we should really go now. Kairi will be wondering…"

"Sora," I said gently, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. He tensed up in my arms. "Look, I know you said you just wanted to be friends…but are you sure there isn't a part of you that wants more? If there is, please tell me now." Sora swallowed loudly, staring at the sand and curling his toes a few times uncomfortably.

"Maybe," he admitted. "But I…every time I think I want to have you again, I get so scared…I think my parents and friends are going to completely reject me and shun me. I'm scared everyone will view me differently. I'm scared that if we stay together we'll have so many problems living as a couple in the future…" He turned around to look me in the eye. "But, I'm most scared that my feelings for you will fade someday and I'll end up hurting you." He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my chest. "Or even that your feelings for me will fade, and I'll end up alone. I don't want to be alone, Riku…"

"Shhh…it's okay," I said, rubbing a hand up and down his back soothingly. I tipped his chin up with one finger. "I promise you, Sora, I'm never, ever going to leave you alone. I can't guarantee that none of that stuff is going to happen, but I can tell you that you never have to worry that I'll stop loving you." I leaned down to kiss him.

I didn't blame him for thinking the way he did. Whatever way I thought about him, he was a young teenage boy. He wasn't going to just get over his insecurities overnight. But now that I knew this, I could help him. We could overcome these obstacles and be all the stronger for him.

The most important thing was that we would be together…forever.


	21. Selfish Boy

AN: Sorry I was a little late in updating. I tried to do it yesterday, but I just felt so uninspired. You may notice that the first page or so is a piece of shit. So you know why.

I was so worn out this weekend, it was nice to just relax. For nearly a solid month, I've been working on a website for my school. Pretty much, it was me typing out most of the hard copies, designing the website, and putting it together. It's not that great, but it's my first attempt. It's an art website for the students of Cuyahoga Falls High School. If you get the time, check it out. The link is in my bio.

Also, has anyone spared a glance to the number of reviews lately? :D It passed 300!! Earlier than Attempted Suicide!! Isn't that awesome?! Of course, it doesn't have nearly the amount of hits as AS. (More than 30,000 OO)

I should probably mention that this is the second-to-last chapter. My friends have been threatening me to make a happy ending. I already told them I couldn't do that, so they're making me give Tidus a happy ending. Sort of. He's almost-mentioned at the end. More like it's implied that he's mentioned. You'll know it when you see it, though. On with the chapter!!

Disclaimer: I don't own it

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The next few weeks were like a dream. If Sora and I had spent a lot of time together before, we were certainly doing a lot more of it now. Sora had finally agreed to be with me and only me, and really accept himself. He loved Kairi, he told me, but he loved me so much more.

He agreed to break up with her, and even tell her the reason they were breaking up. I was happy that he was finally going to stop lying and hiding and just be mine. It was selfish, maybe, but I wanted him to love me the most.

My part of the bargain was that I had to break up with Kito. I had no problem with that. He and I had nothing in common. Besides, being with Sora again was enough for me. And I would only hurt Kito if I pretended to still like him.

A few days after Sora and I were official again, I walked Kito home after school. The boy was uncharacteristically a bouncing ball of energy and seemed to cling to me a lot worse than usual. It annoyed me a little bit. It probably wouldn't be too hard to break up with him now.

He dragged me inside his blue house, chattering all the way up to his room. I couldn't get a word in the entire time. When we reached the room at the top of the steps, he practically threw himself on me, digging his tongue in my mouth like it was a piece of delicious candy. I almost gagged as I threw him off of me.

"What the hell?" I questioned, wiping a stray dribble of saliva from my chin. Kito sat in front of me, looking for the most part like a kicked puppy. He shrugged awkwardly.

"I don't know," he said softly. "You've just been gone so much, and you never spend time with me. I sort of…missed you, I guess. I thought maybe you were cheating on me or something." He glanced up at me, eyes shining with unshed tears. I groaned inwardly. This was going to be more difficult than I thought.

"You are, aren't you? Jesus, that's fucking fantastic. I'd think someone like you would at least have the decency to break up with me first." He turned his face away sulkily, a scowl painting his features. Sighing, I scooted over near him.

"Kito…" He scooted away from me, something akin to a growl escaping from his throat. "Kito, please look at me."

"What for?" He said stubbornly. "If you're going to cheat on me, maybe you should just go and pretend I never existed? Maybe I'll do the same to you, not that you'd ever care. I thought you were a good person." I almost laughed at that.

"Who ever said I was a good person?" I asked, leaning against his door. He still refused to look at me. "Kito, I'm a selfish, horrible, rotten person and for some reason everyone has this weird assumption I'm some sort of God. Look, if it's any consolation I never really wanted to cheat on you." He spared me one small glance before going back to his sulking.

"Yeah, right," he mumbled into his arms. "I'm just not a good boyfriend, am I? It's not like I can help it. You're the first person I've ever dated, boy or girl." He sniffed, burying his face further to try to hide his tears. "I really liked you, but…you never even gave me a chance. You know, you're not the greatest boyfriend either." I scooted over to him and wrapped an arm around him comfortingly. Surprisingly, he didn't push me away.

"I know I am," I said soothingly. "I know I'm a horrible boyfriend. But you have to understand, the person I cheated on you with is someone I love very much. And I wish I didn't have to hurt you because of it. But I couldn't stop loving him, even if I tried. Someday, I hope you find someone that will love you like that. And I hope you find as much happiness as possible." Kito clung to me tightly.

"I just…I liked you so much. I don't understand why you couldn't love me instead." I felt a strange déjà vu at the back of my mind, but banished it before I became a real thought. Kito and I were not like Sora and I. There was nothing similar between this and then. I was only breaking up with Kito because Sora had finally decided he wanted me back.

Just like Sora had done to me with Kairi.

I shook my head almost fiercely. It was different. I loved Sora more than life itself. And anyway, he was the only one I'd really wanted. I just went out with Kito because it was convenient. And he didn't deserve something like that. He was a nice kid who deserved someone who would really love him and enjoy his company. Someday he would see that I wasn't meant for him.

I left the house with a heavy heart. It felt sort of good to not be lying to him anymore, but I hated hurting him like that. I suppose I always knew that this thing with Sora would hurt any relationships I had, but I was selfish and didn't care. But now it didn't matter, because I had Sora back. And he was the only one I ever wanted to be with.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Sora's number. One ring…two rings…three rings…four rings…I was almost afraid he wasn't home, when halfway through the sixth ring he answered breathlessly.

"H-hello?" I smiled as my heart became light. It was laughable how much I was affected by just his voice.

"Hey, it's me. I just thought you might like to know I just broke up with Kito."

"That's great! Sorry I almost missed the phone. I was on the completely other end of the house. Are you coming over?"

"If you want me to," I answered.

"Awesome. I'll be waiting. Bye." He hung up before I could say goodbye back. I practically beamed as I slipped the small silver phone back into my pocket. Just one quick conversation-not even a minute long!-and my bad mood just dissipated. It was such a profound effect that I was barely even sure I'd been in a bad mood in the first place.

The journey to Sora's yellow house was quick, at least to me. The anticipation of getting to see him kept me going. I glanced at my old house, sitting lonely next to it, and wondered vaguely whether Larxene was home. I hadn't seen her in a while. She was so busy with her job and school and everything that she never visited, and I was so busy with my own teen angst that I never thought to visit her. I would have to do that soon. I missed her, and I wanted to tell her the good news about Sora. I'd been practically bursting with wanting to tell someone for weeks. If there was any indication that I was gay, it was that.

Sora practically lunged on me and pulled me inside the house when I reached the door. I didn't even have the chance to knock. But I didn't mind. I pulled him close and explored the rich caverns of his mouth. He had to stand on his toes to reach me, pressed against the door. I smiled into the kiss and leaned down for a better angle.

He pulled away, flushed and panting, a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Hey," he said, almost casually, save for the breathless tone. "I missed you."

"You saw me yesterday," I said amusedly. "Don't tell me you're developing clingy issues. I may just cater to them, and that cannot be healthy." He giggled and pulled me backward towards the couch.

"We didn't get to do anything yesterday because we were around people. But now, the house is empty and…" He gave me a meaningful look, leaving no doubt as to what he was implying. I chuckled and pushed him down on the couch, straddling his hips.

"Well, that makes things different," I said playfully, attacking his neck with soft nips that pulled the most adorable squeaking noises from his throat. I slipped a hand under his shirt and caressed silken skin with feather-light touches. He moaned when I captured his mouth again and pressed him back into the blue cushions.

I brushed my other hand over his abdomen and snapped the button to his pants open. I could feel a small heat radiating off of his prominent erection and couldn't keep a smile from my face. I felt proud that I could affect him just as badly as he could affect me. With so little effort, I could arouse him like this, and make him a puddle of desire and submission.

I wrapped fingers around his throbbing length, grinning like a fool when he moaned in my ear. If I had less self-control, I would have come right then. But I had a tremendous amount of self-control and just concentrated on pumping my hand up and down a few times to make my little brunette writhe.

I was about to lay him flat out on the couch to give myself a better position when a high, tinny music sounded from inside Sora's pocket. His eyes widened and he pushed me away, fumbling with the pocket, trying to get his phone out. I tried to push him down anyway.

"Leave it," I murmured. The mood was not going to be ruined by a dumb phone call. If it was a telemarketer I would find them and personally kick their ass for interrupting.

"I have to," I said frantically. "It might be….Hello?" Through the phone, I could here someone say "hey", and launch into a conversation I couldn't make out. A smile spread across Sora's face and he settled back, obviously intent on listening and not continuing what we were doing before. Snorting derisively, I picked myself off of him and smoothed out my clothes. If he was going to just ignore me-after he'd started this, no less-then I was going to leave. There was no point in my hanging around.

"Hang on a sec," Sora said, placing a hand over the receiver and holding it away from his mouth. "Where are you going?"

"Thought I'd go home," I said sourly. "Since it's obvious you're busy."

"Just…wait a second. Kairi?" I flinched. He was on the phone with her? That was his reason for ignoring me? I clenched my fists unconsciously. I wanted to punch something so badly. "Yeah, Kairi, I'll call you back. Riku just came over. Yeah, I thought I'd spend some time with him, okay? Uh-huh. Yeah. I love you, too. Bye." I clenched my fist so hard that I felt a knuckle crack. The need to hurt that bitch was rising.

Sora closed the phone and stuck it back in his pocket. "There, now it's gone. We can continue." He looked a little annoyed, despite his words, and that just made me angrier. What, was I wasting his time? Was he mad at me for destroying precious chatting time with Kairi?

"I thought you said you were going to break up with her," I said evenly. It was the only thing I could think of saying. Continuing was out of the question now. The mood had completely gone cold.

"I was," Sora said, practically glaring at me. "But then I thought it would actually be a better idea to stay with her. That way, nobody would suspect a thing. Don't you think that's a good idea?"

"No, not particularly. As the person you claim to be going out with, I can honestly say I don't really see the brilliance."

"What are you worrying about? It's not serious."

"No? I guess you lied to her then when you said you loved her?"

"She said she loved me, what was I supposed to say?" He took an angry breath. "Look, you're just being a stubborn ass."

"Yeah, maybe I am. But I'm not the one claiming to love two people."

"Yeah, well at least I'm not so emotionally attached to someone that I can't stand being away from them! Admit it, without me you wouldn't know what to do!"

I turned away, clenching my fists tightly by my side. It was true. It was totally, completely, one-hundred-percent true. But I wanted to deny it. I wanted to say I didn't need him and that I could leave at any moment without any emotional attachments. But I couldn't do it. He would know I was lying in an instant. And I never wanted to live my life without him ever.

Those thoughts, instead of calming me, just made me angrier. I began shaking, angry, unshed tears prickling behind my eyelids. A wave of pure possessiveness washed over me. I was struck with the shocking need to turn and beat Sora into submission, and then take him whether he wanted it or not. I wanted to mark him as my own so nobody, least of all Kairi, could ever have him again. It was almost scary.

"Riku? Hey…come on, you're scaring me…" I felt a hand on my shoulder and unconsciously turned, hitting the body attached to it with my still-clenched hand. It came out a lot harder than I expected it to, and Sora was sent sprawling to the floor.

That finally snapped me out of my rage. I knelt down beside him, pulling his hand away from his face where he had pressed it. He pushed me away and glared, his blue eyes brimming with anger. I noticed there was a small cut on his eyebrow which blood was trickling out of. Did I hit his eye?

"Sora, I…I'm sorry…"

"Weren't you leaving?" Sora said coldly. I felt my jaw twitch. Surely he didn't think I did that on purpose? He knew I would never hurt him intentionally. It was a complete accident, brought on by anger. Anger brought on by him. And if he thought I was to blame for this, then he was delusional.

"Fine," I said curtly, standing up from the floor. I stepped outside into the sunny day. That only made my mood worse. I had gotten used to the weather mirroring my mood, and the fact that it didn't just made me want to…

I snarled and punched a nearby tree. Splinters of wood stuck into my hand and I felt a knuckle crack, sending shooting pain through my hand. I barely noticed it. I felt numb and wronged. How could he do that to me? If anyone was stubborn, it was him. He needed to let go of someone. Maybe I was selfish for hoping it would be Kairi and that he would choose me. But then again, didn't I deserve it more? He and I had been friends for years before we ever met Kairi. Just because she came into his life…it didn't mean she got to have him.

I felt hot tears trickle down my cheeks and wiped them away with my injured hand so that a smear of blood streaked across my face. This was not the time to be crying. I couldn't let myself just completely shut down every time Sora betrayed the trust I had in him. I should have been used to it. Or, as used to it as you can get.

I rubbed my hand idly as the pain began to blossom. Blood began pumping double-time towards the wound, making it throb painfully. I would need to get it cleaned and wrapped soon so it didn't get infected. And I should probably have a doctor look at the knuckle. It felt like it was broken.

I spared one last glance towards the cheery-looking house before slowly making my way home.


	22. Death of a Loved One

AN: Well, everyone, it's been a great run hasn't it? But now we have come to the end, unfortunately. This is the last chapter. I don't know what I'm going to do next. Most likely, a story actually based on the video game when Axel and Roxas first meet. I KNOW it's not an original idea, but whatever. Also, I'm going to be working on a story that I desperately need to do, just because I love the idea so much. It's called Even Angels Can Be Cruel. I'll be putting a teaser up at FictionPress soon if anyone wants to check it out, but I will not be posting the entire story there, because I want to make it into a book.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me this long. A few details have been changed from AS, but I might go back and change those...someday...maybe. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm way too lazy. :p Anyway, enjoy the last chapter.

Disclaimer: For the last time, I don't own it.

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Mom was really pissed about me breaking my knuckle. She had to take me to the hospital, and I got a lame brace to wear for the next three weeks. It did nothing to stop the pain that shot up my arm whenever I barely moved my hand, so I thought it was useless but mom wouldn't let me take it off. The entire time home, she questioned me on why I would go and do a stupid thing like that when I knew money was tight and we could barely afford doctor bills. I refused to answer.

I soon discovered that the pain I had felt before was absolutely nothing compared to later pain. The shock of the whole situation had kept the entirety of it from my mind the first day, but when I got up to get ready the next morning, I could have cried with the amount of pain. My knuckle was swollen and purple, which the doctor said it would be for a couple days. Unfortunately, he couldn't do anything about it and I was forced to endure it.

My mom found me after a time, doubled-over in pain on my bed. She brought me some pain medicine and told me to go back to bed. She was going to call me off of school today. I would have smiled in relief if not for the pain. I didn't have to deal with seeing Sora today now, even though I doubted he would deliberately be near me at any time.

I thought I wouldn't get to sleep because of the pain, but there must have been a pretty strong sleep aid in that thing because I dropped off like a log.

The next three days passed like that. On the last day, I felt a lot better and the swelling had even gone down. I was already called off of school, and mom was gone, so I decided to do something I hadn't done in a while: Go visit Larxene.

Even though the initial pain had faded, moving my arm around to get dressed hurt pretty badly. My silver hair hung in my face as I tried desperately to get a shirt on sideways so I wouldn't have to use both arms. I grimaced at the sight of the greasy dregs. I hadn't had a chance to shower the last few days, and now it hung limp and dull around my shoulders. I grabbed one of my mom's ponytail holders from the bathroom and pulled my hair back into a sloppy ponytail, which was hard to do with only one hand. I usually hated putting my hair up, because it made me look like a girl. But this was a desperate time and I was going to deal with it.

It was a pretty hot day out, and I was sweating within minutes even though I was only ambling and not hurrying. Even the birds seemed scarce today. I didn't see very many as I walked, but then again I didn't look that hard.

When the house loomed up in front of me, I sighed in relief, looking forward to air-conditioning and maybe some lemonade if someone made it. I went to grasp the door handle, but stopped last minute and knocked. Somehow, it felt weird to just walk in anymore. Along the line, I guess, it had stopped feeling like my home. Maybe it never really had been.

I heard stomping down the stairs and smiled. Definitely Larxene. She was an elephant when it came to stairs. It was confirmed when the door opened and she stuck her blonde head out. She stared at me for a few seconds before throwing the door wide open and grinning.

"Riku!" She screeched, wrapping me in a tight hug. I desperately held my arm out at a safe distance so she would injure it further.

"Oh, my god, I've missed you, little brother! You haven't visited me in ages!" She released me and grinned. "What's going on in your life? Do you have any new friends? Girlfriends? Boyfriends? Oh, come in already!" She tugged on my good hand and I followed amusedly as she chattered on nonstop. Once Larxene got to talking, there was no stopping her.

Larxene sat me down at the table. "Want anything? Water? Juice? Uh…water?"

"Water," I chuckled, taking the hint. She rushed off to grab two glasses and fill them up. "So, I see you're still as energetic as ever. Working life didn't sober you up one bit, did it?"

"Not at all," she said happily, filling the two glasses with water and setting them down on the table. "If anything, I'm even worse. You don't know how great it is to watch all the drama that goes on in that place." She took a gulp of her water thirstily. "So, tell me everything that's been going on. Are you still with Sora?" I fiddled with my glass awkwardly.

"Well…I'm not quite sure…"

"What? But you two are perfect for each other." She glanced down, catching sight of my hand. "Riku, what happened?"

"Broken knuckle," I mumbled. "It happened a few days ago. I was pissed and punched a tree."

"Idiot! If you're gonna punch something, make it a punching bag. At least then you'll keep all your bones intact." She placed her hands over mine. "Were you mad at Sora?" I nodded. "You wanna talk about it?" I nodded again.

So I told her everything that had happened. I told her about our dating, which she already knew about, our breakup over Kairi, our "Friendship with Benefits", our eventual reconciliation, dating and breaking up with Kito, and Sora's betrayal. It hurt even worse to tell someone about all the things that had happened like they had happened to someone else. It gave me a sort of detached feeling and made me feel empty inside.

When I was done, Larxene studied me critically. "Well, Riku, I'd say you're kind of an idiot."

"What?!" I spluttered indignantly. "How am I an idiot? Did you even hear my story? Sora's the idiot, not me."

"Yeah, I heard the story. Look, it was sad and boo-hoo and all that jazz, but in this story you're definitely playing the part of the village idiot in this play." I stared at her openmouthed. "Let me explain," she continued. "In the middle of you guys…"having fun"…Sora gets a call from Kairi, whom he is supposed to break up with. He informs you that he is not, in fact, going to break up with her, but he still wants to be with you. You throw a temper-tantrum and hit him, which makes him mad enough to make you leave. Now," she leaned forward excitedly. "Instead of getting angry about the whole thing, what you should have done is grabbed that phone and told Kairi exactly what she was interrupting. That way, Sora definitely would have had to break up with her. Maybe he would have been a little mad, but nothing compared to what he is now."

"I…I never thought of it that way," I muttered. "Do you really think that would have worked if I'd tried it?"

"Who knows? You'll never know now." Larxene shrugged. "But let me ask you something, Ri: Do you love him?"

I nodded without thinking. "Of course I do. I love him as much as one person can love another. I thought he felt the same way, but…"

"Who's to say he doesn't?" I glanced up at Larxene's excited face. "Look, little brother, you don't get too many chances at true love in this lifetime. So instead of sitting around here crying about everything, you need to go find him and fight for him! He may not be a girl, but I know it's what he wants. He wants you to take initiative and fight for him. Show him you would fight anyone to have him and only him, and make him see that the best person for him is you. Don't let him go, okay?"

A smile spread across my face as I realized she was probably correct and I nodded.

"Great! Now, if you want to put your plan into action, you better hurry. School should be getting out soon." I glanced up at the clock. It was almost 3:00 already?

"Thanks, Larx," I said, stopping to give her a quick hug.

"No problem little bro! Good luck!" I heard her say just as I raced out the door.

I ran to the school, not even feeling the pain from my knuckle anymore. Adrenaline rushed through my veins and I had to fight off the urge to yell out loud in joy. Larxene was right. I needed to make Sora see that he needed to be with me. He loved me, I could tell. All he needed was a little push and some encouragement.

I was out of breath when I finally reached the school. Students were already streaming out of the front entrance, but it couldn't have been out for more than two minutes. I was almost afraid I'd missed Sora, but I spotted him walking out of the doorway and raced up to him, so excited I didn't even know what I was going to say.

I grasped his elbow to get his attention. He jerked his head towards me, startled. When he saw it was me, he glared and yanked his arm away.

"You've been gone the last couple of days," he said coldly. "Don't have the balls to face me, eh? What a surprise."

"That's not it," I said desperately. I held up my arm with the brace. "I broke my knuckle a few days ago. Let me tell you, it hurts like a bitch. Well…less so now than before."

"Clearly," Sora said, uninterested. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"I've come to win you back. I'm not going to let Kairi steal you from me." Sora's mouth dropped open and he stared openly at me before collecting himself into a cool glare once more.

"And what makes you think I'd let you win me back?"

"Because," I said confidently, "I know you love me, whether you want to admit it or not." I leaned forward to kiss him, but he leaned back so I couldn't.

"Idiot, not in public," he hissed. I grinned.

"But you do want it, right? You want to kiss me, don't you deny it."

"Yes, okay, fine," he said desperately. "I want to kiss you, okay? But I'm not going to do it right in front of the school."

I smiled. "When, then? Can I come over?" He shook his head.

"My parents are home. And anyway, my brother and I are going to take our driving test today." He looked around nervously. "Look, tomorrow I'll come over, okay? Just please let me go right now." I complied, dropping his hand that I had grabbed. I watched him leave almost sadly, but with a feeling of triumph in my heart. We would work everything out tomorrow. And if that bitch tried to call again, I would make sure she knew that Sora was mine.

--

I was almost giddy as I get ready the next day. Mom asked if I wanted to stay home again, but there was absolutely no way. I was going to school today.

I showered and dressed carefully, picking out my best clothes to wear today. Inwardly, I grimaced at acting like such a girl, but otherwise I didn't care. I was going to see Sora today, and I wanted to look my best.

I didn't see Sora out front, but that was fine. He probably just went to his class. I got a little worried when, over the course of the day, nobody had seen him and he wasn't in any of his classes. I didn't fret over it too much, though. He might have gotten sick.

After school, I contemplated going over to his house to make sure he was okay. But then I decided against it. He would call me if he felt up to talking. I went home feeling a little sad, but otherwise happy.

Over the next few days, Sora was nowhere to be seen. I was really getting worried now. Sora almost never missed school. I sat down in my first period class after noticing he wasn't around again and vowed to go over today so I could see with my own eyes that he was okay.

The speaker crackled on and everyone turned to face it. That was weird; announcements weren't done during first period.

_Students, I'm afraid I have some tragic news,_ the principal's voice floated through the speaker, solemn. _The Hikari twins, Roxas and Sora, have been in a horrible car crash._

I felt my heart drop to the bottom of my rib cage as I stared, openmouthed, at the speaker, willing it to be lying.

_Roxas is in the hospital but he's recovering. Anyone wanting to visit him should get his information from the office. Unfortunately, Sora Hikari died before they could get him out of the car. If we could have a moment of silence for the valuable student we have lost…_

Everyone was silent. Never have I felt silence to be so loud.

_Sora, wherever you are, you will be missed. If anyone needs to visit one of the counselors during the day, please inform your teacher. Funeral arrangements are…_

I didn't stay to hear the rest. I rushed out of the room and out of the school, running and running away the pain until I felt like I would die myself.

--

On the day of the funeral, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Not a dry eye, that is, except for mine and Roxas'. I couldn't cry anymore because of all the tears I'd already shed on Sora's behalf. Roxas…well, who knew why he wasn't crying. Maybe for the exact same reason.

Some people got up to say something moving about Sora. I didn't. What could I say? Saying he was my friend seemed like way too little. Saying I'd loved him with all my heart and soul was just as small. There was no way I could make these people believe just how much I had loved that boy. That boy that was now mangled and bloody in a coffin, ready to be lowered into the ground where I would never see him again.

I fought off a fresh wave of tears as Roxas approached the podium. He seemed…detached. Or maybe it was apathetic. No, for all the things Roxas was, he loved his brother. At least, it always looked like he had.

He didn't say much, just the standard speech. When he sat down, right in front of me, I heard someone behind me say in a stage whisper:

"That's him. He was driving the car when it happened. It was his fault."

I saw the blonde tense, confirming that he had indeed heard whoever had said that. The word had a very strange effect on me. Somehow…it hadn't seemed quite real. Nothing had seemed real these last few weeks. But when they said that, everything suddenly came into clear focus, like slapping on high-prescription lenses.

As they lowered the wooden coffin into the ground, I was gripped with the sudden desire to be buried with it. I couldn't stand this. Why hadn't I acted earlier? We would have had more time.

I stood up and rushed away from the funeral as the tears started flowing freely. I couldn't watch this. I couldn't watch my best friend and the boy I loved more than anything in the world disappear forever.

I felt sick and kneeled down by a tree to puke. I felt a little better afterwards, but the tears kept coming. I staggered to my feet and began walking with no destination. I just knew I needed to get away from there as fast as humanly possible.

I wandered amongst the graves, staring at a few of the names.

_Jerry Freeman, age 22_

_Junas Hoil, age 96_

_Yori Kunich, age 8_

_Tidus Huriman, age 17_

I stopped. Was that…? I kneeled down by the grave and inspected it. It was the right age. He never told me his last name. But how common a name could Tidus be? I traced the letters on the grave idly with a finger. A smile formed on my face inexplicably. It was bitter, almost, and just felt wrong on my face.

I stood up from the grave. I felt a squeeze on either hand; comforting, sad. I squeezed back, but my palms only met air.


End file.
